Things I've Learned (A Limerick)

A “C” grade is still a pass,

Never run buck nude through the grass,

Don’t ever be lazy,

Don’t stick it in crazy,

Never mindlessly follow the mass,

 

Once a week vacuum the floor,

Call the doctor if your back is sore,

Don’t live in the city,

Fry until crispy,

Don’t trust the babysitter next door,

 

When underwater don’t take a breath

And don’t ever smoke crystal meth,

Don’t put markers in your pocket,

Don’t lick a light socket

Unless you’re secretly longing for death,

 

Don’t date two girls at a time,

Try to resist punching a mime,

And as we’re stock piling missiles,

Just give a whistle,

Don’t worry, it’s not the end times,

 

Tragedy’s always a constant,

Like bombings in England and Boston,

But among all this pain,

There exists One great Name

To retreat to in all of the nonsense,

 

There’s always a reason to smile,

You can drink every once and awhile,

Today’s rock, rap

And pop songs are all crap,

Work your way up to running a mile,

 

Make sure to eat your green beans,

A spider is no reason to scream,

Don’t use a midwife,

Enjoy the small things in life,

Always take an offer of ice-cream

 

Never write in pen, in life as well as on paper,

Cause when you come up on deadline

and can’t think of the next line

It just leads to a mess.