A bright day surfaced with a special pleasure , a thought ran through Rex's mind as he was waiting in the cafe to meet a person after a very long time. The cafe was decorated with walls coloured wine red with such exquisiteness that it always attracted youngsters yearning for the ambience to which they can bring their lovers or acquaintances. The airs seeemed to be filled by the blended aroma of coffee and chocolate which tempted people to stay there for a long time than they intended to. Two rows of square tables accompannied by two chairs for each,hued with a perfect blend of black and red followed the counter. The songs of PinkFloyd in a seemingly audible volume played in the backdrop.
None of this seemed to entertain Rex as the anxiety brewing in his mind never came to a naught. He hasn't felt like this for a very long time, as he was going through a lot of downfalls. Even he didn't remember his friend which he is going to meet today, who once was only the listening ear he had got all-through his college years. As for him, the last memory of this friend was when they parted their ways at the college gates after their graduation. They had tried to contact each other but it faded when unforeseen incidents bashed Rex. Even in his most downturns he never yearned for the help of this friend , like they were separated for ever. Rex had always been a preoccupied person. He always confined to himself. He always brooded with contempt over the misfortune blowing over his life. It was only this friend who touched him in a way that it almost opened the hostile seclusion of his mind. All these thoughts never came to his mind all these years. It took almost 6 years for a friendly meeting to happen and this never happened to be by it's own. While Rex was crossing the street in the way back to home, almost oblivious to anything around him. He had only the vaguest feeling of keeping himself safe from the seemingly dense traffic. As he was crossing the road he saw a face which woke him up as though he was woken up from a dream. He stood astounded terribly in midst of what he was doing.
As though in a trance he walked towards that face. He couldn't sense the changes in the face of whom he was walking towards at. He was then caught in absolute oblivion. Both of them stood facing each other. He couldn't utter a word but stood staring at the face. "Meet you at Coffee Bliss Tomorrow" , told the face. "See you at 10' morning" moved swiftly with the crowd again after speaking these words. A sort of despair started haunting him. He never woke up from the dream but as though pushed by some involuntary will, he pushed himself on. A wave of guilt strode through his mind, never had he thought that he would be confronted with a situation like this. For him, the image of his adorable friend slowly effaced with time that he never expected that face in his life again. He was back in his apartment but couldn't get over the inexplicable guilt. He was easily drawn to bed because of the tiring thoughts which ran through his mind.
He thought, " it was a grave mistake. Sure it was I'd been doing all these time. I never even cared to check on her even once ". No, its never a mistake, he thought. After all I never knew where she was. Wait a minute! Am I searching for alibis? If I had put a little effort on thinking about her, I would have known about her. It was such a spell of coincidence and how come she called me to meet her at a place. Without even a greeting or bidding a farewell she quickly went away only uttering these words in a hostile sense. Subsequently Rex fell into oblivion and followed the train of thoughts. Every assumptions turned futile as he fell into a deep sleep, leaving his mind unprepared for the meeting next day.
Now, there he is waiting for the person in the cafe. He was actually getting perturbed as time seemingly began to run faster. He was in panic because he never got the time to pack immaculate and spill proof lies to present before her about the negligence from his side. He thought, " How can she possibly blame me for not showing up as she can also be blamed for the same. May be she even would have tried to contact me" . It was never long before that he ignored his cell phone in his own accord based on some dumbfounded self righteous principles of living life which he alluded to be like living without materialistic comfort. But he easily relinquished that attitude or it may be said that his compulsion for that eventually faded.
As he kept pondering in deep about possibilities to find excuses, the inevitable friend was making her way towards him. When he turned to check on her, he noticed the face which dipped him in such a dilemma the previous day walking towards him. But the face expressed no delight of seeing a friend after a long time. He was left speechless at her sight. Everything about her has changed. The girl who had quite a sense in her own appearance, who had everything on her accord, was reduced to a woman who would be unnoticed if in a myriad of typical Indian Housewives. Her once graceful face has now become weary because of unknown reasons. Her skin has lost its attractive glow which always lit with delight. "She had to have been in some kind of plight that's for sure", he thought.
She came and stood staring at him as if he is the one responsible for her predicament. Rex asked her to sit, but she didn't seem to notice it , she stood staring at him like before. Rex never expected her to be like this. though he made up his mind because it was clear to him that he would be abashed at her gaze. He was completely taken aback at her numbness in appearance and reactions. Finally she sat down facing him as though she was never asked to sit. Rex looked at her eyes, they were somber, and lacked the gleam it had. Those eyes are craving to yell out something, Rex thought. A stretch of silence passed through, and none of them bothered to break the silence.Both did have a dirty feeling of thinking to start talking anything. Leaving both to fetch the opportunity at last, the waiter of the restaurant as if he had an urge to get them talking, broke the silence. After ordering a lemonade for each of them they again,they again fell deep into silence. As moment passed Rex felt got overwhelmed with a feeling of obligation to start the conversation.
Rex started, "Are we going to talk or take a keen observation of aesthetics around us.? What just came off him gave him the pull to start over. Ann was also feeling the same and words were just dying behind her lips to hurl out. At the very next moment without leaving her an opportunity to start over the subject , Rex started, Is this the same person I've known before ? I've even heard many stories in which there are fictitious occasions of meeting old friends in an entirely variant state than they used to be.
Ann quickly as if in a motive to cut off the fake prelude, replied, " May be if you keep familiar with the slow changes, you won't.
Rex could feel the cold vibes coming from Ann that engulfed every attempts of promptitude he tried to evolve.
Ann continued, " What you had been doing all these years since we parted, nullified all my expectations for you. You never had in mind to care anyone, Do you ?. All you had was a bunch of introverted thoughts and that too were precarious. Did you even take a split of a moment to reconsider yourself being callous ? You always resented over life for the opportunities it didn't give you, and detested all the choices life gave you. Can anyone be more selfish, you pervert ?
Rex was petrified over the intense words that came from Ann. He was following her throughout what she was saying, but couldn't grasp it as a whole. Rex thought, What was she saying at the end?, I understood none of it at all"
After the intense speech , Ann fell into silence. Rex, trying to conceal his embarrassment, intent on keeping the conversation asked Ann , " What happened to you? Girl, you look like a mess ! ". Ann still couldn't revive from the emotional turmoil she had.
Ann looked around trying to fish out words from inside. She said, " You know I always thought Life had been kind with me and shall always be. I know it's foolish of me to think like that. But everything seemed hazy after you were gone. I never imagined myself to be in such a predicament. Life cheated me with deceitful masks of love, wisdom and promise. Life kept giving me revelations which were shockingly enough to accept. "
Rex felt disturbed with the words that came from her along with a frown. He never had seen such disappointing frowns in her ever before. The sense of guilt tided over in his mind as he was struggling to hide it from her.
"What happened to you? You were not the one who spilled such feeble words to anybody" , Rex told in an attempt to add cheer to the conversation.
Ann continued, " Tyranny was yet to begin when I was smiling over the pleasure of living life those days".
"Come on ! Get over with this or tell me whole of what happened" . Rex told.
" How dare you spit at me like that ? Just get lost ! if you thought that I bought your time for this melodrama! Is this what you felt, Rex, Tell me is that what you thought,Rex ? ! "
Rex suddenly reacted in anguish, "What the hell ! Have you gone nuts ? You've gone too capricious to be anticipated. Just get over the prelude, that's what I meant to say". Ann was somewhat pacified at the sudden response from Rex.
The tension was broken by the waiter of the cafe when he brought the lemonades orderd bu them.
"Anything else, Sir? "asked the waiter.
No Thanks, Alex. Will call you If I need.
Alex turned away in a dubious look covered with a smile.
"I know that look. I know what he's thinking. In his senses, he never would have thought of seeing me with a woman." He never saw me with any one else as I always came to the cafe always alone. "Alone, withdrawn and caught in hold of thoughts unknown. He always noticed me and observed me with such obnoxious notions.But he always cared to drop some casual words at me to confirm what all he observed from my response. He always gave me a strange look. Strange ! Am I? " Rex thought.
He woke up from thoughts and with much effort asked Ann morbidly in an embarrassed tone " You are married, aren't you ? ".
" Yea I'm. I would say I was stranded more than I was married. Yes I found a person on my own and there begins the story. He worked in the same office I worked, actually he came from another branch of our company. We became friends. I was impressed by his respect for women, we always chatted over topics prevalent over present scenario. I fell for his attitude and he was not bad in looks. One day he proposed me and that was all. I was just waiting for the day. . Until the day he proposed, I'd never thought of the trail of consequences which would torture me. My conservative parents never took it for granted, We toiled so hard to get together and gather a life of our own and that was an year ago." My mind balked to measure the effort I put to have him as I did it for a life for our own".
Rex interrupted, " Now I understand why you balked to start ".
Ann continued, " His attitude remained only in his words, I could not find any in his behavior which gave me a feeling that I'm living with a person who is very different than the one I loved. The freedom and the simple beauty of life that I thought I would get from him remained only in the words from him. The ease with which I ignored the love and concern of my parents haunted me every moment I lived with him. Least of anything my needs could not suffice was the despotism with which that family ruled me." That was a blow to the back of my head. The manner in which he talked about his respect for women always attracted me. The days which followed were even more ridiculous. Nothing was more ridiculous than the moral constraints that were imposed on me. I couldn't wear anything that violated their archaic moral dress code.Ann was driven out of words by the emotions that surfaced in her.
Rex couldn't convince himself with those heard from Ann.
He asked," What made you so sure that he respected women a lot?". You were the one who was not prejudiced on anything.
Ann almost lost her patience and was tempted to answer Rex who was almost questioning her conscience.
"Don't even start to say that I interpreted his words that were fake into those I desired."
Rex told, almost trying to establish authority over his point, Just answer,What made you feel so ?
Ann replied, " I could feel it in his words and I bet you, those were not misinterpreted. All he expressed were sincere opinions. What I din't get was why he failed to realize it. "
Rex said, "I won't believe you never took it for flattery, I just don't understand Why you girls always fall for flattery and blame those who tricked you. After all it was you who fell prey to them. Often you are not being hunted because you let them prey over with your conspicuous weaknesses.
"Oh! I bet you if you had the extra ordinary talent of sensing flattery ", told Ann questioning his moral sense. Just give me a break! I'm sorry I guess I din't notice whom I'm talking to you, told Rex and
soberly asked , " Did I ever happen to be in one of your private conversations." Spare me to know what his reaction was.
Ann told, Yea, often in our chats when it happened to be about college life, I told him about you.
"Stop there! I would like to ask you something ", told Rex. How did he take it?
Of course ! He was annoyed a little for which I hardly knew the reason. But all I knew was that his reason to frown was genuine. Of course anybody could be annoyed by hearing those.
" There you are poor girl trying to justify your despot husband with your own way of justifying anyone. "
Aha! with a sarcasm added Ann," again with your male predominant theories. You haven't changed a bit, Have you?
So How do you want me to talk? You want me to be a fake like your husband.? You expect a lot of sweet words packed in glorifying flattery, Don't you? And on what grounds do you call me male predominant. In no way I classified you as low life. I respect women but that doesn't mean that I should flatter women by all ways and make them feel great.
You just don't get it ! All I meant is care I expect from a person from you.
Oh! so how do you define care ? So, To you care means all that fake sweet words you expect from a person.
Ann seemingly ignoring what he said continued narrating her added miseries. Can you think of a situation, I have to ask every member of his family for a permission to go outside,It doesn't matter if it's for shopping or any sort of personal business. And the worst of it , they won't let me ride my moped. And when I break their moral code They say, Married women can't be like this and have to stick more confined to a invisible confinement which somebody else defines.
What on earth did you find so special in him? and it's so pity of you if you didn't know he was rather a hypocrite motivated and controlled by principles of a chauvinistic and hubristic family.
"How am I supposed to know that?". Ann questioned Rex, perplexed by the words from him.
You told me you loved him. You never had an inkling of his character form his words. Never mind words ,because his words were solely intent to flatter you. So how can you? You say ,not even from his actions.
"You dare too much to speak like that about my husband and his family. It's true I'm the one who opened this topic now", added Ann with a deep indignation to the words of Rex.
" You know I have an annoying habit of despising excessive pride from people I never expect from" told Rex with a scornful look. " I resent this attitude of yours. Why do you care to hold up your so called pride by conforming to all ill-treatments."
"Rex !, I guess I didn't tell you that they ill-treated me" frustrated at the misinterpretations by Rex according to her.
"So, restraining you from doing anything yourself is not an ill-treatment, defining constraints to your personal freedom is not an ill-treatment? If you don't feel so , I may say that you have never ever felt being ill-treated. I agree with you." Rex was feeling raged with the indignation that was barbed in her every word.
Ann continued, "It's true, It's a bit tough to deal with them. But what if , they are true ?. I mean, they are wiser people, they have seen life more than us, Can you be so sure that what they believe is dumb?
Rex replied, " Ann , What I'm trying to tell you doesn't mean they are dumb. What differs is their perception of life. May be their perception of life has held them through their lifetime.Nobody can change their perception because it has deeply rooted in their minds through time .But when they try to impose it on you , I'd rather call that dumb."
Ann replied, " So what are you telling, Just make it to the point.
Rex continued, "You are being foolish to conform yourself to a paradigm , I'd not call it life. Do you want to waste your life to make others feel that you are doing well. And are you living a life to gain social acceptance.I you think you are, then you're wasting yourselves. It's just evident that you can't stand those madcap theories and who can ?I remember the line in some book I read,"Civilization is all defined by what we forbid more than what we permit" It's somebody else's paradigm of living and doesn't mean that it can also suit you for a better living." Life is not conforming yourself to what others believe.
Ann in a slight sarcasm added, "I haven't seen you in six years and look what time did on you, it has turned you almost into a prophet.
Rex replied, " oh ! that was so nice of you, ! Never should you be so dumb to call me a prophet."
" A bit earlier , you called my theories male predominant. Today what we see is a male predominant society ruled by male chauvinists and just think of that. You are allowing us to be dominant on you , you are allowing yourselves to be ruled. I'm not generalizing it , But I can see you victimizing yourselves."
"In our conversation itself, You gave me two opportunities to overrule you and shut you up. If it was anyone having an ulterior motive of thrashing you wordless, you would have easily given it away."
It'll be foolish of me to ask such a question at this later stage, but I can't resist, told Rex and asked " How's it between you and your husband.?"
Ann laughed at Rex's words and said, You didn't let me say everything, you were busy in establishing your pronciples. Ann started,"Days passed on and I was trying to fit myself into their principles. It was quite suffocating. But I managed to get over the rage that was starting to brew in my mind. But the more I tried, the more I faltered. I could go nowhere because it was my sole decision to marry the person from whom I'm now trying to run away from. From the bits and pieces he got about me from my college years, he started irritating me by sticking me with you and started throwing nasty comments about our relation. He had a serious relationship in his college before he met me. I never bothered to question about it since he was done with it before he had met me. But his deliberate comments tempted me to question him. Then it turned into a situation that I can't even argue with him. His opinion was strongly backed by his parents. I couldn't agree with him anymore,when he perpetuated his violence on me which was the worst I could suffer. It was almost turned out to be a charitable thing for them by not having me banished from the house. I can't deny the fact tht they were not mean enough to expel me at their son's words. A friend in my office had known somewhat about my predicament and offered to stay with her. That was the last I saw of my husband. Here am I , completely abandoned." Ann almost broke down to tears. It was about about the choices she made more than the situations faced her.
Ann continued, " For some days I desired , If I could run to the past and change myself into a beauty with a secluded mind who was all alone till she met her husband that her husband would be the first person in his life she has ever talked."
Rex was annoyed hearing this and told,"I didn't expect to be so dumb of you. Are you tying to say that your husband was right in judging you and if it was not the real you, he could have loved you." If you were the banality you desribed just before, all you could expect was his obsession and not love. Even if you were, How can you live with such a sick person.
Ann replied," Why? He could never have hated me if I was like that."
Rex continued, " Cmon! Ann, You are just giving up. Why are you being like this?" You are saying that you have to be speckless because you are a woman and your husband can do anything he want. You are saying that just because you are a woman, he can blame you for a relationship you had which in your case is only false allegation and he being a man can do anything he wants and it's insane to blame him." Here you are being guilty of allowing others to rule over you especially your chauvinistic husband. You are allowing yourself to be tormented.
Ann told," I should take my time to reconsider everything and should think over what you told me."
A thought ran through his mind almost like a shiver through his spine which never occured to him during the conversation, Rex asked," Ann, what I didn't understand is that we saw each other after a longtime yesterday and it was so strange of you to say nothing but call me to meeting at this cafe.How come you do that? How could you be so sure that I'll come to meet you here after a strange call."
Ann replied, " I'd been seeing you almost for a week that I already told you, a month before, I came to stay with my friend in the hostel nearby. But what I was most amused at was the state you were in. The first after a long time I saw you was a week before when we walked past each other. You didn't see me as you were heading straight with something smoking inside your head. I even stoppped to call you but backed after I thought you were heading busy to somewhere. Also the next day , I saw you and it started getting a real strange feeling about your state of mind. You were almost oblivious to anything around you and had something terribly agitated in your mind. Each day I prayed to get your attention but was terribly disappointed and it won't be unfair in saying that my pride ceased me from behind to do something wholly from my side to get what I needed. I was very glad to see you because I felt like , God wouldn't keep me left alone and there was somebody who would hear me. I was frustrated with the void response from your side. It was only yesterday that you noticed me and I was angry with you but couldn't restrain myself from calling you .
Ann just fell into silence for a second and continued," What's disturbing you?". Even though you were throwing comments at my" ignorance ", I noticed some sort of agitation storming in you at the first sight.
"Well, there is nothing new"! After all It's only you who had been knowing the contempt brewing in me, told Rex.
"Oh ! I can't believe that you still hold those over-saturated thoughts, how the hell do you get time to keep thinking over all these. Don't you feel it's quite juvenile and strange to think like this when it's already time to live life up in your own feet rather than in shadows", Ann had anticipated what he was starting to explain.
Rex started, "But it has already dissolved in me, and is sometimes surfaces unpredictably."
Ann as though in a quick relapse to something she remembered asked ," this is quite late to ask but ,"How's your job?".
" Well, there isn't much to say of how it's going, when I don't have it anymore." I was fired added Rex.
"Holy crap! What Happened?". You know things aren't always right. I don't fit into my boss's criteria of goodwill neither does he fit mine. " I mean I can't stand people like that . It has almost turned into a reflex.It's really getting out of control. A rebellious me, which is irresistible. You know how my family supported my education. They hardly managed to get the ends meet. Now they are weighing me to get a job I don't like.
"Come on Rex, you needn't even give a second thought, it's your sole responsibility to provide for them.
Are you dying hard to be irresponsible?, Ann quickly responded.
"No I needn't provide them for they have their own means to financial support. They just want me to get a job for a higher social acceptance which I despise. I don't intend on being a vegetable. I'm not saying that I don't need money but rather I would say that I like to make money through the way I love." It's not a matter of money its about my life. I don't want to get a job I don't desire and convince the hypocrites around." told Rex in a frustrated tone.
"So what is it, in your head? What are you hoping to become?". asked Ann
"Look Ann, I don't know I may become successful in it ! But what I know is that I'll toil hard till I hit my target."
"Come on cut it off!" told Ann growing tired of the build up.
"I am looking forward to something which you may feel strange. I want to write. That's it. A writer." said Rex.
They why did you do all these drama which has nothing to do with becoming a writer. Why did you even join a technical course ? , asked Ann.
You know when you are young and are under parental control , your choices are limited. I never expressed my wish to anyone and had it nested in the deepness of my mind.But now it's high time.", added Rex.
"In that case I wish to say that you do what your mind says, So that you leave no chances to regret later. Even if it turns you down, you don't have to question anybody, for you are the answer." So, work on something! also I have some leads for you if you wish to acquaint with and those can really help you in accomplishing your wish.", said Ann encouraging Rex.
How's it so ? asked Rex.
Work on something ! leave it to me, when it's time, it will be done, said Ann leaving a mystery.
Yea, I need to move on !said Ann.
"Definitely ! Either you move on hoping for something good to happen or cry your eyes out over lost fortune and shrugging your shoulders at your fate", added Rex.
And! Oh ! It's already late. I have to meet some people. May be we should meet often , said Rex. Ann smiled at the words. They exchanged their phone numbers. Finally they got up and walked .
"May be his thoughts were too hard to understand. But what he said was genuine. It's almost feel like some heaviness drained out of me", Now I feel light-hearted thought Ann.
Rex said to himself , I'm walking to a new horizon and I see a new dawn of hope. Thank you Ann.
"Oh ! I can't believe that you still hold those over-saturated thoughts, how the hell do you get time to keep thinking over all these. Don't you feel it's quite juvenile and strange to think like this when it's already time to live life up in your own feet rather than in shadows", Ann had anticipated what he was starting to explain.
Rex started, "But it has already dissolved in me, and is sometimes surfaces unpredictably."
Ann as though in a quick relapse to something she remembered asked ," this is quite late to ask but ,"How's your job?".
" Well, there isn't much to say of how it's going, when I don't have it anymore." I was fired added Rex.
"Holy crap! What Happened?". You know things aren't always right. I don't fit into my boss's criteria of goodwill neither does he fit mine. " I mean I can't stand people like that . It has almost turned into a reflex.It's really getting out of control. A rebellious me, which is irresistible. You know how my family supported my education. They hardly managed to get the ends meet. Now they are weighing me to get a job I don't like.
"Come on Rex, you needn't even give a second thought, it's your sole responsibility to provide for them.
Are you dying hard to be irresponsible?, Ann quickly responded.
"No I needn't provide them for they have their own means to financial support. They just want me to get a job for a higher social acceptance which I despise. I don't intend on being a vegetable. I'm not saying that I don't need money but rather I would say that I like to make money through the way I love." It's not a matter of money its about my life. I don't want to get a job I don't desire and convince the hypocrites around." told Rex in a frustrated tone.
"So what is it, in your head? What are you hoping to become?". asked Ann
"Look Ann, I don't know I may become successful in it ! But what I know is that I'll toil hard till I hit my target."
"Come on cut it off!" told Ann growing tired of the build up.
"I am looking forward to something which you may feel strange. I want to write. That's it. A writer." said Rex.
They why did you do all these drama which has nothing to do with becoming a writer. Why did you even join a technical course ? , asked Ann.
You know when you are young and are under parental control , your choices are limited. I never expressed my wish to anyone and had it nested in the deepness of my mind.But now it's high time.", added Rex.
"In that case I wish to say that you do what your mind says, So that you leave no chances to regret later. Even if it turns you down, you don't have to question anybody, for you are the answer." So, work on something! also I have some leads for you if you wish to acquaint with and those can really help you in accomplishing your wish.", said Ann encouraging Rex.
How's it so ? asked Rex.
Work on something ! leave it to me, when it's time, it will be done, said Ann leaving a mystery.
Yea, I need to move on !said Ann.
"Definitely ! Either you move on hoping for something good to happen or cry your eyes out over lost fortune and shrugging your shoulders at your fate", added Rex.
And! Oh ! It's already late. I have to meet some people. May be we should meet often , said Rex. Ann smiled at the words. They exchanged their phone numbers. Finally they got up and walked .
"May be his thoughts were too hard to understand. But what he said was genuine. It's almost feel like some heaviness drained out of me", Now I feel light-hearted thought Ann.
Rex said to himself , I'm walking to a new horizon and I see a new dawn of hope. Thank you Ann.
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