In Ant Colony

Existential Crisis

Do I sound a bit strange when I say I belong to ant colony. I might intrigue you as well. Look around ! you had been living in it.  Neither do I feel ashamed to be a part of it, nor do I have any regrets. I wake up to its realities everyday. The mornings in and out of this colony do haunt me like hell but I line up with other members to an awfully grey life and the nights tempts me to spit out the anguish that squanders my ego to pieces. I breathe diplomacy ! It's queer, but here in ant colony diplomacy is air ! I can see you scoffing at me, but it's the truth dear fellows ! Your mocking smile!  I have seen it in other faces too. I have seen them appeasing themselves with their mocking grin. I am myself being a talker and not a doer, you might be feeling that by now. What can I do ?  What is this all about ? is all I can hear. I could hear shrills out of pain from somewhere when I was walking in line with other ants. I wonder if my conscience couldn't hear it. It's least bothered about it.We had been taught this way to be cold like frozen metal, to be like the girl waiting at the door to be taken away by her lover. The girl's patience out of submissive prospects out wins her ambitions to a life she had dreamed all these days. I was taught to feel like her, to wait like her for fortune to ring at my doorsteps. To blame luck if I can't do a damn about anything . I had been taught well to scoff at those who are ready to take risks. It's to degenerate him on the grounds of the only mistake that flawed the risk he took. I am not taught nor will I take pride in the audacity of that person to take the risk. I am taught to blame an entity for every thing I do and everything I'l never do in my life because I belong to the ant colony. I am trained not to look at the heaviness of the miserable lives of my comrades whatsoever happens. Not that I care anybody or not. I'd been taught to stick to them and elude at all possible breaks. Before jumping into any conclusions, let me tell you that not only me, everyone here in ant colony are trained so.
                 From the day I grew to an adult, I was sent to a place to work. We get leaflets as the reward to our work. The one who amasses it the most is perceived as the most successful in ant colony. Quantity rests above quality here. We are taught to stab behind at every opportunity to earn them. If one don't have a handful of them,we are taught to stomp and spit at them because to help is to sin here in ant colony. I don't have enough of them because I sinned once.For the sin what did I earn ?. The undeserved is ready to spit at me now because he's got a myriad of them. No matter how he earned them, he is the most respected in the colony. The mouths that spitted at him are now getting tired of praising him. I now scornfully look at the way things get capricious in ant colony. I now believe this is how things are supposed to be in ant colony. What more can I do than sit on my a*s and blame at the space that filled in to be myself. I am not going to stand up and shout because that's not how ants do it here. Tomorrow I the least shameful will be part of that long awaited greyish monotone and will be submitting myself into the roots and customs of the colony. Not that I am not ready to prove myself but I have grown tired over facing repercussions subsequently. Is it me who had half-stood against the colony or is it my soul longing for submission. Am I being a hypocrite? No I am an ant and hypocrisy is the essential prospect of surviving  here. Go through from the beginning of what I had told you ! Yes, I have already listed in. I want to live and every one wants to live happy because happiness always eclipses the purpose of life. It's the ethics that freezes my revolt in the blood. 
It's me and the slow degrading ant colony to the so called betterment has just imbibed me in. Till date I had been one of them and lived as an incognito. Tomorrow I'l live an ant's life to the truth or more precisely a crap under someone's boots stubbornly longing for a salvation to come to me " hopefully in this life or next ".