Decompressing Gypsy

My life has been nothing less than "entertaining". So as I was in the midst of some heavy reflecting you can say this came out...like most things do. I know that I didn't really edit this one.

Cracked, the song plays in chords unknown
Write this story. The thirst ever changing
spews tar into crimson
crimson runs faulty secrets
and in this reopening, the wounds I’ve picked apart
Mangled flesh twist around the calling of id
how dare I flaunt what you’d rather keep in the dark
there’s beauty in this black
serenity in this pain
spoiled into thinking this harlot’s crazy
red pill, blue pill…running back to the bland & boring sane
breaking mirrors, giving you pieces
watching you stab me in the back
out trickles falsified self absorption
mercenary or martyr, which one fades to black
golden, sparkly…..shiny and new
this privileged life you lead is bullshit
I’m so glad I’m not like you.
In this velvety intercourse, we feign the love that has never existed
You want the touch without the feel
And I don't see myself feeding into the ingnorant immaturity
Sorry I see myself better than the me
you met before, that projected before
we shake hands and exchange cards.
This is something we've done before
Promising change, staying the same
Running from the ones we maim
I hurt myself again to follow you
Hurt myself again to allow the connection
And now I don't recognize this frown
Don't recognize this busted, contorted reflection
Is it wrong to crave the slate depletion?
Wrong to want someone to prove me wrong instead of right?
But you were same
Cause I was same
And I'm sorry I did this again
Sorry the cold has overcame
This is just my truth today
spilling out into the atmosphere
And I can't say this to your face
for you won't understand
So I'll fade into a background
where my heart can't mend....and I can't stand.