Im over the edge

Its a valentine special! How love can be easily made but impossible to forget! ENJOY!

Tonight, the night sky looks heavy and dark, as if the sky was falling from above. Its funny how the stars that used to look so beautiful had lost their shine. Moreover the cool wind that used to kiss my cheeks feels like knives stabbing me with every breath. 

As I lay out at the balcony looking up at the heavy sky, somehow I feel like wanting to stay hidden here forever. This balcony has always been the warmest place for  me. Instead of facing the outside world and dwelling over all those problems, at least I could create my own little fantasy here all by myself. 

This balcony is the highest one in the neighborhood so privacy wasn't an issue, even thou now and then I could hear the conversations from the downstairs neighbor. 

 Partially the reason why I have love this space so much is because this is what defines me. 

This is the place where I got the inspiration to design my buildings, create new things that can redefine the word architecture. Apart from my career, this balcony also takes me back to the day of two pony tails and pink ribbons. The hilltop view was very familiar with the scenery we had back at my hometown. 

I still remember Valentine's Day 1999. After having dinner, Mike took the old Garn's mat and we laid on the balcony together, just watching the dark sky above us. Yet, that night, it didn't feel heavy or dark at all, it felt warm and magical. After a while, Mike started snoring. I thought he must have been blind! How could someone possibly sleep while having a full view of the night stars. 

I then shook him hard to wake him from his sudden slumber. A tiny black box then came out form his shirt pocket. I was startled because it almost looked like a ring box. A sudden sense of panic got to me and dried my throat. I starred at it for a while with disbelief totally forgetting about Mike. With trembling hands, I picked the box up and opened it, I wasn't expecting anything grand or big, but surprisingly the box was full of nothing. The feeling wasn't a feeling of relief but actually disappointment. 

Still feeling pretty confused, I looked up and saw Mike's face across mine just inches apart. "Well, I never want to make it too easy for you, Jen!" he said with a grin on his face with holding up a princess cut diamond ring in his fingers. The night shine form above reflected on the ring and made it so beautiful and gorgeous, just like in the movies. 

I was speechless and apparently so was my 5 years boyfriend. I looked at him and I saw the eagerness in this deep green eyes. " Your hands are shaking!"I said as I took his hands into mine. A flash of disappointed crossed his nervous face, "Well, you cant really blame me now can you? " he eyed the ring and I just realized that I haven't given him an answer yet. 

I started giggling back tears and said, " You're such a fool, of course Mike! YES!" We shared a special moment and he placed the engagement ring on my finger gently. The princess cut diamond ring from Tiffany's fit perfectly. 

After that, we got pillows and comforters outside at the balcony and shared our thoughts about the future. I always knew that Mike had a great deal in finance and management but I never really got in dept. what his actual vision for the future was. And after I knew, words cant describe how thankful I was to have him as a friend and a lifetime companion. 

Every night or rather every moment spent with Mike was treasured deeply, but that particular night when I brought him to my private balcony and he proposed, it felt different. Like somehow gravity and all the laws of physics that made sense doesn't. The only logical explanation that could have granted me such a wonderful man in my life was fate. 

 What a night, I remember the sound of  the wind whom was cheering us on with every whistle. I still have a blurry vision of the night sky lighting up every time we made jokes, or even during our political arguments, the black pigeons would somehow pay a visit. 

Nothing last forever, they always say. The tragic part of our little love story is  I always believed in a happy ending.  I thought that after all that we have been through, we would end up on rocking chairs and hopefully be buried next to each other later on. 

A while after Mike proposed, he left me.

When he decided to call it off I was extremely devastated. I kept on calling him wanting more explanation and hoping for better answers from him. But, the heart wants what the heart wants. He had his personal reasons to break up with me and there was nothing I could do about it. 

It changed my life completely. I know I sound like I have no will power and like some desperate housewife from an old sitcom, but everything took me by surprised. How much me and Mike had in common, how much I fell for him and how stronger the feelings got everyday. Then, how easy was it for him to leave and forget .

I was a mess ever since that day, and this is how I ended up back at the old balcony reliving the past. After Mike left, this balcony is the only memory I have as proof to show me what we had was real. I could still feel his gentle strong fingers interlock with mine when I'm up here. Every time I pass the balcony in the morning, I could still smell his musty Hugo Boss cologne.

As I look back at the same sky and same moon today on the eve of Valentine's day 2003, tears can't stop rolling from my eyes. No matter how many times people say it wasnt my fault and it was his life changing decision, I couldnt help but put all the blame to myself. 

If you are wondering why am I putting the blame to myself? Because he left. I could have done so many things differently so that there was no way he would even consider to leave me. But, I had my chance. And blue moon doesn't show itself twice.

Every night when I'm up here I just keep thinking about his warmth and his hands playing with the light blonde hair. The image of his dark blonde hair and his bright smile never seems to fade away.

Sometimes I wonder, will Mike ever come back? Will he ever see me at the edge of this balcony? 

Author's Note

Starting off! Do comment!

Reviews

[WhereItResides]

You did a good job showing the descriptions rather than just telling. My biggest gripe is that there is no real characterization here. I can't relate because Jen doesn't really feel like a real person. We didn't really learn anything about them and it just seemed to move the story along and with a story like this, characters are everything. Give us more glimpses into their past so we can get a better picture on what she is like and what Mike is like. It will really help the readers relate to the story. Overall though, it was a good story and I enjoyed reading it.