Light

When I was writing this one I was thinking of the light that comes as you wake up.

It is light that sets itself just on the breach,

in wonderment does occupy the space.

This light spurs me to emotions of the mind,

is weary of darkness it must abide.

Light does await my desire to grasp,

but little comfort this brief encounter.

Is this light the friend I have known,

or is light a mere perception.

Light is there when my mind wanders,

but only wandering the depths of darkness.

I ignore the light it serves no reward,

for the light is the after image of thought.

I close my eyes again to find the light,

awaiting but not retreating.

The light there within my mind,

smothered control of darkness perfected.

 

Reviews

[Shelby Baker]

No spelling problems that i see and I'm not really that good with grammar so i'm not really sure if you got anything wrong here. Nothings really stands out..but like i just said. I'm not good with grammar. haha
so not much of a review i guess.

This reminds me of a song i have heard before but i don't remember the name of it! AH.
Okie but totally i love this poem
its good.
nice flow

[Mark]

A couple of really mind-grabbing lines pull forward of the pack: loved "the light...is weary of the darkness", as well as "the light is but the after-image of thought". The sort of poetic lines that create depth, where it might have been lacking. Speaking only of myself, i have a lot of difficulty ferreting meaning out of blank verse; for some reason, my fragile little brain does not want to work that hard! But I can plainly tell, if from those two lines alone, that much effort and thought HAVE gone into this work, and for that I commend you.
Two minor edits, if I may: "Its self" is ONE word, not two (itself), and I think from the context you might have intended "spurs" (compels into action) rather than "spurns" (rejects).

[Naomi Montana Walsh]

Light is best precieved in darkness . Interesting poetic ponderings, I think it leads the reader to think about how light and dark work in our lives as concepts

[Libby McKeown]

This poem has a very ethereal feel to it. The wording forces the reader to slowly read, and if that is your intent, then excellent! This reminds me of the old romantic writers...and, again, if that was your intent, then that's incredible. I think, however, honestly that was not your intent. The language is a bit jarbled in places, and the flow needs some ironing out. You could remove one word from each line and still have a perfectly functioning work. A mere suggestion. Thanks for sharing!