HItting Rock Bottom

Fan-fic of the two original characters in a long running, long dead RP.

Ch. 1 - Memories

��������Even as she walked in a slow, deliberate pattern, her mind working slowly, grinding the small confusions between the gears that worked into life, she could tell that she was lying to herself. As though there immediate thoughts, those controlled by the emotions and manipulations of such and then under that is that truth, what you know, un-distortable logic. And even under that are the thoughts of pure emotion indescribable with words and the layers underneath kept telling her differently than what she wanted to hear.

��������She missed him. No matter how stupid their fight had been, no matter the harsh things she said and the harsh things he said, she missed him greatly, trying to tell herself that she wasn't, that the fight was his fault and that she was supposed to still be angry at him. But she couldn't retain the rage she had felt. She burned with guilt and loneliness. She remembered with clear details, the expression he wore when he said good-bye.

��������It had been of hurt and anger, scorn and a broken trust. Even his words were rung poorly in the mess of emotions. Then he had left. He told her good-bye and left without another word. She remembered watching his fading silhouette and realizing hours later what she had done and who she had lost. But she refused herself the right to think such.

��������And now she had no idea where he was. He wasn't at home, that was for sure. That lousy Carza had pinned the brutal abuse of his step-daughter on her defensive brother and he had been put away for a year. After that, there was really no sign of him. But she knew he wasn't dead; she hoped he wasn't dead.

��������The streetlights were dim, the dull light flooding the streets and leaving long twisted shadows. She shuddered. The air smelled of rain and she tightened her beige coat around herself, looking around with watchful, aged green eyes. They could see nothing beyond the ragged signs of street life. There were old, decrepit houses, with boarded windows and barred doors. It was the roughest part of town. Drugs, sex, you name it and it's illegal, you'll find it there.

��������"Why am I down here?" she mumbled to herself, stopping. She noticed a soft shuffling in an alley. She panicked and started moving again. The woman tried to convince herself that there was nothing to fear and that it was just an alley cat or maybe a sleeping bum. She almost had herself convinced until the sounds stopped and it was silent again. She walked faster, beating the ground at a more uneven pace, her shoes making slapping noises on the damp ground. The spring was very wet in this year. But then, it was always rainy. She pulled up her hood and continued walking, her skin crawling.

��������There was a rustling again and she stopped and looked towards it, stepping back. The rustling increased and a head appeared, with long tangled dark red hair that still swept over his face and the scars that covered him. There was fresh cuts on his face, still bleeding and oozing, running along through his eyebrow. A grizzly patch under his lip made him appear less like the eighteen year old boy she had knows years ago. His grey eyes were wired and the way he held himself was different. His clothes were tattered and worn, weather beaten.

��������But there was something else. The way he looked at her, his eyes wide and dilated. He seemed ... odd.

��������She figured that was merely what had happened from being... wherever he was for a few years. She stared at him breathlessly, her heart beating roughly against her ribs. She couldn't tear her eyes away from him, no matter how much she wanted too. He wasn't himself anymore. She could just feel it.

��������"..S-Surrey?" he whispered in a cracked voice, deeper and hoarser than when she had last seen him. He stepped out of the shadows, leaning heavily on a cane made from what might have been whittled scrap wood.

��������"Cs-Cseilys...?" she echoed back, taken aback. "..You're still...."

��������Just then did she noticed the tensness of him, and the empty needle hanging loosely from his fingers. He was up on something strong and rough. And by his appearance, he had been doing such for a while.
��������"Wha-what?" she said, speaking to herself and taking a step towards him, leaning to take the needle from him. He panicked and swung his arm at her, striking her hard. He stepped back, breathing heavily.

��������She slammed into the wall and yelped and was still for a moment. Then she raised a trembling hand to her stinging cheek and looked at him. He was watching her with wide eyes.

��������"I-I'm sorry!" he said loudly, stepping back again.
��������"I-It's alright, Csei..." she said slowly. That name sounded strange on her tongue. No matter how many times she had thought about him, she had not said his name since that fight. It made her wonder, made her think. Surrey had finally found him... the one she had loved so long ago... And all her carefully planned scenarios fell apart at the sight of him, in such rugged shape. Hyped up on drugs and obviously homeless. She felt pity and anger towards him, but locked it away.
��������"What happened to you...?" she asked, standing straight again.
��������"I lost you...and I died..." he said, his voice breaking and tears welling in his eyes.
Surrey was quiet and took another step towards him and he didn't react, just watched her. She stepped closer and closer was close enough to him, to hug him.

��������His sheer height made it weird and their lack of communication. It was like hugging someone you had only spoken to, like hugging someone who you just talked out of killing you. Or themselves. But he didn't seem to have a problem. He hugged her tightly, crying and muttering, upset. His crude cane clattered to the wet ground. His clothing was slightly damp as was his hair.

��������Surrey bit her lip ring, and fought hard against the aching burn behind her eyes trying not to cry. This wasn't, couldn't, be her Cseilys. Her Cseilys would have killed himself before he got sucked into drugs, or would've killed himself by then at least.

��������Everything had been taken from him. His family, his home, his love, his dignity and sanity. He'd lost it all. And she'd started it. Her guilt overwhelmed her, pushing her boundaries, trying to escape the confines of her body. But she struggled and pulled it under control and pushed away from Cseilys, holding onto his shoulders, her arms locked out.

��������"Cseilys... you're a mess..." she said, letting go, watching him.
��������"I know! I know!" he cried, burying his face in his hands and sliding to his knees on the ground, sobbing.

��������Surrey bent down to try and console the man she used to love. The one who had done nothing wrong and had everything and everyone turn on him and push him away. Including her. Her hood was damp and he was becoming totally soaked. She dragged him up by the arm, struggling. He must have put on SOME weight, she thought, but looking at him, realized quite the opposite. He was almost sickly thin.

��������"Oh Cseilys.." she muttered, picking up his cane and handing it too him. "Why?"
��������"I don't know!" he cried. He didn't seem capable of putting his mind back together, or fixing his obvious problem.
'I can't leave him out here... he'll die. But if I take him with me, Dan will freak out...' she thought, but as she had thought, she couldn't leave him out here. She sighed.

��������"Cseilys, c'mon."
��������"What? Where?"
��������"Home." she said, pulling him by his wrist. He staggered after her. He was totally drugged up and seeing some things, but ignored them. He fumbled with his cane, trying to regain balance.

��������Surrey dragged him along, wondering to herself why she was doing this. Why hadn't she told him that she wasn't who he thought she was? Or just run? Maybe she ended up there because she was searching for him, wondering what could've happened to him after the night he walked out. Absorbed in her thoughts, she led him back to her tiny house with her boyfriend, Danny. She pushed open the door and pulled him in, forcing him down on the couch. He looked at her like a hurt little kid who didn't want help and only wanted to wallow in the filth of self-pity.

��������Surrey swallowed the lump in her throat. She could hear the water in the shower running and knew Dan was home, just in the shower. She swallowed again. Bustling around, she dug out a clean clothe and a bowl of warm water, a tall glass of cool water, a towel and some sewing stuff. She set it on the coffee table and cleaned out his cuts, much to his protest.

��������"Dear god, Cseilys, what have you been doing?" she muttered, ringing out the clothe and wetting it again, pressing it over his arm, which was dotted and red, bleeding slightly from him scratching at it. She was hurrying, trying to finish before Danny was out of the shower and freaked out. Cseilys was protesting, saying almost the same things he would have said years ago. She looked up at him and had to rub her eyes. For a moment, she saw who he had been, with shaggy red hair and a clean face, that adorable smile on his face, the one that had made her melt at the site.

��������She shook her head and handed him the towel. "Dry yourself off." she said distractedly, disappearing for a moment into her and Dan's room, digging out one of his old shirts but couldn't find any old pants that Dan wouldn't notice missing. She came back out and threw the shirt to Cseilys, who caught it was quick reflexes. She then grabbed her keys, pulling her coat back on and scribbling a quick note and setting it on the counter. Surrey walked back into the living room and over to Cseilys, who was hugging his knees quietly. "Where are we?" he asked.

��������"At my house. Come on, Csei, get up." she said, gently prying his arms apart from his knees and using calm words to persuade him to get up. He followed her hesitantly. She looked at him, her damp silvery white hair dancing around her face a little. He looked scared.

��������She sighed and chewed her lip, guiding him by the arm to her sleek black car, parked out front. She helped him patiently into the passenger seat and then hoped into the driver's seat and stuck the keys in the ignition and was about to turn them... but stopped.

��������Surrey layed back against the grey seats and looked at Cseilys. Her mind was racing, thinking, remembering, imagining and she couldn't tell what was real and what wasn't. It had only been two years... but he had changed so much. He's a convicted criminal.. where can I take him? she thought, running a hand through her hair and sighing stressfully. And I can't tell Danny, he'd get all jealous... S**t... she was stressing herself out, she realized subconsciously as she turned back forward and turned the key in the ignition and the quiet engine rumbled into life and she grabbed the shifter, jerking it into reverse and missed the clutch. The car stalled.

��������Surrey cursed and tried again, this time getting it into gear and backing out into the street and rammed the car into the third gear. The speedometer's little red arm swung up and paused near the 70 kilometre per hour mark and she twisted the shift stick into fourth, accelerating. Cseilys had his arms out, his hands on the dash, his eyes wide and his back pressed against the seat.

��������'He hasn't been in a car for a while,' she assumed, dropping down on the speed a little but he didn't relax. It was silent in the car, except for Surrey's muttering to herself angrily and she missed the clutch another time and ran a red light, distracted by being distracted. She checked her mirror and discovered Dan had used her car again. "Damnation Danny! Quit adjusting my mirrors..." she grumbled, twitching the center mirror around a little. She had turned her eyes off the road and looked to find a red light and a stopped car in front of her. She swore loudly and slammed her foot down on the brake. The car skid to a halt, mere inches from ramming the car in front of them. Cseilys stared out the front window.

��������Her heart was going so fast, she thought she might be having a heart attack, but thank god it wasn't and the light went green and she eased through it, both hands on the steering wheel. She drove to the local shelter and stopped in the parking lot, pulling the key out of the ignition, with a stressed sigh. She ran a hand through her hair, her heart slowing down a little bit.

��������Cseilys relaxed his grip a bit. He rested back in the seat, rubbing his eyes with one hand.

��������Surrey looked at him and shook her head to herself, deeming herself crazy. She got out of the car and helped him out of the passenger side. Closing the doors, she locked them with the fob and helped him inside. There were many chairs resting around the lobby, the walls an old faded greeny-beige. She grimaced and walked to the front desk.

��������"Excuse me..." she said, trying to catch the attention of the older woman at the desk. The woman turned around and looked at her.
��������"Sorry, hun, all full." she said, inspecting her long ugly purple nails and then resuming filing them.
��������"What? Just for tonight! Please! He'll kill himself if I let him back on the streets!" Surrey pleaded, tension riding every word. She was stressed and tired, she wanted to go home and go to sleep.
��������The woman sighed. "Fine, girl. He can sleep on the couch there, but you better come get 'im tomorrow. Cause I'm gonna kick him out." she said irritated.

��������Surrey nodded and pulled Cseilys over to the couch, forcing him to sit down. "Listen to me Cseilys- No! Listen!" she said, making him face her as his eyes began to wander. "I'm coming back in the morning. You need help, and I know you're too stubbourn to get it on your own. Don't go anywhere." she said sharply.

��������"Fine. Promise you'll come back for me..." he said, grabbing her wrist lightly.
��������"I promise." Surrey said and he let go and she left, going and getting back into her car.

��������She sat there for a few minutes, thinking, leaning back in the seat. She was thinking and remembering about their pasts. She recalled vividly the day that she had opened her door to find a beaten, bleeding Cseilys, wondering if she had a key to their house because he was locked out, saying nothing about his injuries. He really was something. She sighed and put the keys into the ignition, trying to prepare herself for what might happen when she got home, carefully thinking about it. But all too soon she was pulling up the drive and getting out of her car. She locked the doors and walked slowly to the door, and set her hand on the knob. She could feel her pulse speed up and calmed herself, asking herself why she was nervous. She twisted the knob and walked in, closing the door and hanging her coat up, dropping her keys on the table.

��������Dan looked over from the couch. "Hey babe." he called over, smiling at her.
��������She suppressed a scowl. She hated pet names like that. "Hey." she responded, walking over and stopping by him, wrapping her arms around his neck and kissing his cheek softly, smiling.
��������"Where were you?" he asked, turning and kissing her. His breathe smelled like beer.
She pulled away from him. "You were drinking again. You know I hate it when you drink." she said sourly.

��������"Awww.. It was only a couple to take away the stress.. But where did you go?" he said.
��������She sighed. "Out. Why do you need to know?"
��������"I heard you here while I was in the shower. I also heard a guy. Who?" he said, his voice turning a little cold.
��������Surrey threw her hands up. "He's just an old friend! Why do you get so hyped up all the time?"

��������There was an argument after that, a long stressful argument which resulted with Surrey packing her bag and leaving for the hotel a few blocks away. She threw her stuff into the trunk of her car and slammed down the lid. She was fuming. Danny pushed it lots yeah, but this time he was going too far! Accusing her of cheating! What a piece of lousy s**t! She muttered angrily to herself as she climbed in the car.

��������She peeled out of the driveway and down the street, turning the corner sharply and fueling her fire of anger by muttering to herself and swearing at the bad drivers around her. By the time she got to the hotel, she had cooled down very little, as she got out and pulled her bag out of the trunk, slamming it shut again and locking it, strutting into the lobby. Walking over to the counter, she realized that she was probably not going to sleep at all. Surrey set down her bag and waited patiently for the desk boy to come back. She had a short wait before the desk boy came running back in from down the hall. His glasses askew, he brushed through the door and straightened them slightly as he looked up at Surrey.

��������"I'm sorry ma'am, how may I help you?" he asked, his pale blue eyes flicking over her in total and then looking her in the eyes.
��������"Just a room for the night." she said flatly, digging her wallet out of the bag.

��������Sliding the key through the lock and twisting the handle with a sigh, walking into the room, finally calm after her fight with Danny. But she now was confused and upset with herself as much as her boyfriend. She dropped her bag to the floor and sat on the edge of the bed. She put her hands over her face and rubbed her eyes stressfully. Sitting there, Surrey thought about what had happened that night. Cseilys had been reintroduced into her life, but he might as well be dead to how he was now. She hoped dearly that this was a dream, no matter how much she wanted to have him back, to see him... She hoped that it was all just some twisted nightmare.

��������She got up and walked back into the tiny washroom. Thinking, she slipped out of her clothing and into the shower, letting the warm water run over her body, letting it muffle her racing mind. She was silent and still, thinking about almost nothing. But she couldn't get rid of that picture... of Csei like that.

��������How could he have become like that? It just... didn't seem like it had been real, or possible... But there he had been. She dwelled on it for a while longer and eventually turned off the water and got out of the shower, rubbing her damp hair dry and wrapping the towel around her body. She pulled her hair into a high ponytail, wandering back into the main room and walking over to her bag, shoving her hand deep into the pocket and fished around thoughtfully. When her fingers touched the hard surface, she wrapped her fingers around it. She pulled out the silver phone and, pushing back a loose strand hair, scrolled through the numbers until it fell on the one she was looking for. Surrey took in a deep breathe and hit the talk button.

��������It rang for several minutes before someone picked up the phone. "Hello?" said a voice, a voice that had a deeper female tone than her fast talking sister in the background.

��������"Uma. Hey, it's Surrey. I found him."

Author's Note

Ignore the political incorrectness.