Untitled

Crimson red thats what it is.

I'll tell you now, it's not a quiz.

One...two...three it's all I ever see.

Four...five...six it's just a temporary fix.

The pain can become so intence.

It's like clinging to a barbed wire fence.

My lips are sealed tight.

Somehow, I can't escape this fight.

In my heart I know thats it's true.

Instead of red, I wish it was blue.

With only you here to tell.

I find there is no reason to yell.

I'm getting weaker now and everything's a blur.

Your words to me come in a slur.

My breath will soon cease and my heartbeat stop.

I think you might want to grab a mop.

I realize now what I did was wrong.

So, please won't you sing me a good-bye song?

Reviews

[Edward Clay]

i found it hard to read because of the periods at the end of every single line, whcih completely broke this up.

i liked the last line - it has a plea in it despite the goings on which i found to be quite sentimental.

there were some lines though like, "i think you might want to grab a mop" which made me laugh although i dont think it was meant to. sorry!

"in my heart i know that its true.
instead of red i wish it was blue."

i quite lke this part as well - the colour of the image gives more life and a symbolic gesture. i think it ties in quite nicely with the end.

[Andromeda]

i like this. the rhyme scheme is really simplistic and obvious--i don't know if you wanted for it to be or not, but it works for this poem. the last two lines were my favorite.