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She couldn't believe she'd allowed herself to get to this place again. She couldn't believe she'd let this happen again.

"Stupid!" she exclaimed angrily, slamming her hands on her steering wheel. She could feel the fire burning behind her eyes, but she refused to release it. She wouldn't cry. Not over this. Not over a boy.

She turned off the radio. There was no song that could make this better - no song that could comfort her. She just wanted silence. Besides, she was sick of all these artists trying to tell her what love was. By all their lousy definitions, she'd found what love what supposed to be. Only it wasn't. Obviously. It exploded. Or maybe it imploded. He was her best friend. They could sit in silence or talk for hours. They could communicate without words. She knew him so well that sometimes it seemed like there were supernatural forces at hand. He didn't know her as well as she knew him, but that wasn't his fault. She didn't open up to him. Well, to anyone for that matter. But she didn't want to, so she shouldn't have to. Right? Had that been the problem? 

Hate and love. There was so much of both inside her and the line between the two was completely blurred. She didn't hate him. She wished she did, but she didn't. She hated herself. This was her fault. She knew the rule - don't get attached. But what did she do? She went and got so attached to someone she might as well of been sewed to him. 

She made the right turn into her apartment complex. Then, she parked and the car was off. There was no driving, nothing. Nothing else to focus on. The complete nothingness filled her, and she felt the flames cool into magma and break through the wall behind her eyes. It came down her face in a downpour. She felt so weak, so devastated. She didn't even know how to handle it. She wished there was some part of her that she could cut out that would stop this feeling. Her heart, her brain, anything. Anything to make this feeling go away. But there was no wound she could inflict upon herself that would change what was real. 

She forced her body to get it together. However, as soon as she got out of the car she felt as though she'd received a harsh blow to the chest. She was brought down to her knees. Well, not so much her knees, but her a*s. It had just rained, so the pavement was wet and her face was wet and red and hideous and this was a public place but none of that mattered. She couldn't bring herself to care.

How melodramatic, she thought bitterly to herself.

She wanted to stop. This wasn't what she ever wanted for her life. Her life was never meant to be a love story. Especially not a love story gone wrong. But the feelings came, and there was no stopping them. You can't stop your emotions anymore than you can stop the wind from blowing. You can shut all your doors and lock yourself inside, but the wind will still be blowing around you, waiting for you. 

Author's Note

Probably going to add more to this later. I might turn it into a book I probably won't finish.