Chapter one- The girl with the broken smile

                The wind blew fiercely as I walked down the street,  like a thousand knives each one repetitively stabbing my cold face. The wet tracks that ran over my cheeks were colder still. The grass blades in front of me seemed to bend and kiss the ground as ugly brown leafs curled at my feet. I walked slowly with tears still streaming down my face. My heart was broken into a million pieces, and it hurt so bad... Everything was cold. I hadn’t been without him for more than twenty minutes but already I was dying.  I knew it was insane, but I was still half expecting him to run out after me. Stupidly, I knew at the time I would go back to him if he did.  I walked back home. 

                I kept on walking, I reached my curb and felt a sharp jab in my chest as I realized he wasn’t going to come after me at all. Feeling the tears prickle on my eyes I quickly whipped them away with the sleeve of my jacket. I hated this, being so vulnerable. I slid the keys in the marine blue door, it opened with a twist at the keys. Once inside I shrugged out of my coat and kicked of my shoes. I stood in the hallway for a while  wondering what to do with myself. It hit me then, the tears escaped their jail and flowed out from my eyes over my cheeks, before joining at my chin and dropping on my jeans. It was a continuous flow of never ending tears that seemed to go on and on. Out of shock I took a few steps backwards  until my back hit the wall, I let myself slid down into a sit and put my hands over my face.

                I heard someone, I didn’t know who, come down the stairs, they silently put and arm around me and hushed me. I sobbed, and inhaled a big whiff of Molly’s trademark perfume. It hadn’t surprised me much, Molly was always jumping at the chance to comfort people. She stroked over my back whispering kind words. The lump in my throat was too thick to talk with.
‘ Katy…’ She whispered, I heard fear in that whisper. ‘ Come on, Katy, what’s wrong?’
‘ H-h-he l-le-left me.’  I sobbed, I hated the way my voice sounded broken, I hated my sobs, but most of all I hated that it had to be Molly. I couldn’t explain why. I just hated how she was always one upping me, and now for her to find  me like this, broken on the floor…. It made me feel so… under her. Again.

                She just sighed in a superior way and got my arm over her shoulder and hers around my waist. She counted to three under her breath and hoisted me up to my feet letting me lean on her as she helped me climb the stairs. She took me to my room and sat me down on my bed. I felt helpless. Like I couldn’t have done it myself. It made me so angry at myself but all I felt was a world of hurt. I only felt the  sharp painful jab of pain in my chest, I only felt that and the thick lump in my throat that felt like it might weigh over a hundred kilo. I wanted to snap at her, tell her I was capable of doing these thing by myself. That I didn’t need her to show me how to climb the stairs, but I couldn’t. I was to consumed by the hit of my loss.

                She sat down beside me, one of her perfect blond curls fell in front her face. She pushed it back and  wrapped her arms around me. She rocked me steadily from side to side and let me cry it all out. How I loathed myself for how weak I was then. I hated it. I had no independence, I didn’t have perfect blond curls, I didn’t have perfect tanned skin, I didn’t have an IQ of a hundred and thirty like Molly, I wasn’t perfect… I wasn’t like Molly.  Realizing this made another sob spiral up out of my throat . I let myself fall back onto my bed so that I was lying down. Molly just let me as I curled up into a ball and let the crying and instable sounding sobbing continue. I heard her sigh and leave.

                I loved him so much. Daniel had been my world when I had lost what felt like everything.  I had nothing left. I missed him so much already. I wanted him here, with me.

                I must have fallen asleep at some point. I knew this because I woke up. At least I was still thinking rationally. A bright light shined on my face which ended up pissing me of so badly that I just go up. I padded down stairs and poured myself a bowl of cereal in the kitchen. I ate it slowly on the couch, one cheerio at a time. I slugged upstairs to get dressed. I put on a pair of black skinnies and a light blue hoodie.

                On the way out I pulled on a pair of black uggs and my coat, and slid out the door shutting it quietly behind me. I started making my way to the small woods not far from my house. The ground was covered in a carpet of wet,  muddy golden coloured leafs.

                The tall trees towered up way above my head. There was a fallen over, moss covered tree trunk.  I sat on it carefully to find the  driest part of it. I watched two birds squirm over an earth worm. It was really quite violent.  Finally the biggest of the two birds ended up taking it and flying off, with the earth worm squiggling in its beak. I turned my gaze to my shoes. They had gotten all muddy, I frowned at them. I hated muddy shoes with a passion.  I sighed and was about to pick up a cleaner looking leaf to wipe my boots on, when I stopped dead because I heard rustling. I was halfway to the leaf, my arm was stretched out, centimetres away.

                A boy with floppy black hair and piercing blue eyes emerged from the bushes. Kyle, my best friend. He smiled and came closer.  I shot a longing look at the leaf I was reaching out for as I slowly sat up. Kyle sat down beside me, he looked kind of worried. I sighed and smiled back at him.
‘ Hey.’ He said.
‘ Hi.’
‘What’s up?’ He asked.
‘Not that much to be honest.’ I told him, hearing the false tone in my voice. ‘You?’
‘Had to get away from the house.’ He told me easily.
‘Your parents at it again?’ I asked.
‘ Yeah, Cora’s going mad.’ He said. There was no emotion in his voice, even though he was talking about his parents screaming and shouting at each other. But I suppose Kyle must be used to his parents arguing about everything, that was just a part of Kyle’s life.  For as long as I’ve known Kyle his parents have seemed to hate each other with a passion. I didn’t understand how they lasted long enough to bring up Kyle. Let alone Cora, his little sister, who was three years younger than us. 
‘Sucks.’ I said, glad the conversation had turned to him. He just shrugged and stared at something not that far away judging by where he was looking. I didn’t follow his gaze.

There was a silence for a long while. I looked at my feet and I saw him looking at me a few times from the corner of my eye. I pretended not to notice it. I cracked my knuckles, lacing one set of long slender fingers in the other set and stretching them out. They cracked in perfect harmony.

‘You shouldn’t do that you know, it leads to arthritis.’  He told me very matter of fact like.
‘Actually it doesn’t. It’s a way of reliving pressure from the joint.’ I told him joining his mode.
‘Read that on Wikipedia?’ He asked with a teasing grin playing on his lips.
‘Yeah, actually.’  I told him, knowing full well what was coming.
‘Wikipedia is a bunch of crap, users change the info all the time. Don’t believe everything you read.’
‘As you have told me a hundred times.’  I sighed, he looked very pleased with himself until I said that.
               

                He shot me a I-don’t-care-what-you-think-I’m-right-anyway look. I stuck out my tongue and giggled. He chuckled, a low sound that warmed my heart. When we looked at each other we laughed at how many times this scene had already been played out in our decade long friendship. It was like a script. At some point I would forget about it and crack my knuckles, then history would repeat itself. The only real reason it was funny was because the first time it happened we had spent hours researching the effects of my addiction.

                For a while it was quiet. Kyle didn’t always have a lot to say, and that was alright because I usually did. And when I didn’t we were fine with the quiet, Kyle enjoyed the quiet. I could understand why, I didn’t mind it seeming it was never that awkward with Kyle. It was just comfortable and easy. Most things were with Kyle. 

 ‘So Daniel and you are done.’ He sighed, it wasn’t a question. I looked at my feet.
‘Yeah.’I said with another catch in my throat.
‘Sucks.’ He said with a sympathetic smile.
‘Yeah.’ I said softly.
‘You going to say anything other than yeah today?’He laughed with a teasing smile.
“Yeah.” I laughed sadly.
‘Are you okay?’ He asked.
‘Yes.’ I swallowed.

The smile on his lips disappeared, he looked at me carefully as I felt the tears prickling, trying to find an escape. He pulled me in his arms, I closed my eyes. And just let the tears roll down. I was happy, I felt safe with this boy I had known since childhood. Safe in his protective arms. He was my best friend, I could tell him anything. I had always hoped that he felt the same way about me. Maybe that feeling of belonging that felt so wrong now is why. But I started sobbing, hating myself for it. He wrapped his arms tighter around me and shushed me.
‘You’re not okay.’  He whispered.
“Why does it hurt so bad?” I whimpered.
“Because you love him.” He said with a catch in his voice.

- Molly-

It was late afternoon by the time I got up. I padded down to the kitchen, still in my pijamas. Signs of life were everywhere, a breakfast bowl, the television left on carelessly in the living room. Katy must have gone out. I stretched my arms out, my bare feet were freezing on the cold skin coloured tiles of the kitchen floor. The doorbell rang, I sighed and padded of to get the door. I saw Kyle’s black mop of hair through the glass of the front door. I opened it with a sigh.
‘Hey.’ I said rubbing the sleep out my eyes.
‘ Hi Molly, is Katy there?’ He asked. I saw his eyes light up as he said her name and sighed.
‘No, she’s out… I think.’ I told him.

He turned to go, but I caught his sleeve, he turned his face back to look at me with raised eyebrows.  ‘ I need to talk to you.’ I told him, and stepped back, letting go of his sleeve. ‘Come in.’ He did as I said, with a suspicious look on his face. I choose the most unused room in the house… The dining room. I pulled myself onto the wooden table, he leaned against the wall, his look had changed to an expectant one. I looked down at the blond wood of the table and traced the lines of the wood with my index finger. I frowned, realizing I was still in my pijamas, and that my hair was undone. But it was Kyle, he had seen this many times before.

‘ I know you’re in love with my sister.’  I shot out, narrowing my eyes at the squiggly lines of the wood.
‘ I…’ He sounded shocked. ‘ I have  a girlfriend.’
‘Spare me the details.’ I sighed, looking up to see his face. ‘ Look the point being, if you love her, you’ll let her heal and not do anything stupid like you normally do.’
‘Meaning that I blow things all the time?’ He asked pulling out a chair to sit on. ‘Thanks, Molly.’  
‘No.’ I said, making a face. ‘I just mean… that you sometimes have a tendency to… you know…  not always to the sensible thing.’
‘Ah, yes. The very definition of blowing things there.’ He said, putting on his posh voice.
‘Just please…’ I sighed. ‘Help her, for me.’
‘I wouldn’t be doing it for you.’  He said, coldly.
‘I don’t really care who you do it for.’ I told him in the same tone. ‘The point is that you do it.’
‘Well at least we agree on that.’ He said with a grin.

I hopped down from the table, he got up. I hugged him tightly, he hugged back just as tightly. Our relationship was a love hate one. We could be cold as ice to each other or warm as a sunny day in August. He was like a brother, a brother I both very much loved and perfectly hated.  I had known him since I was eight, when he moved here and crashed his bike right outside our house. Katy and him had been inseparable ever since that day. That ten year relationship had made us very siblingly. Finally I pulled away, he did the same, smiled and let himself out the door. I sighed and padded back into the kitchen.

I poured myself a bowl of cereal and sat down on the sofa. Zoe walked in, looking a mess. She was wearing pijamas, a very rare sight indeed, and her light blond hair was tangled and knotted. She rubbed the sleep out of her eyes, when all of a sudden she sneezed with such a force that her whole torso flew forward. ‘Uuuh.’  She groaned sounding nasal.
‘Zoe are you…’ I began to ask… the thought of it alone was impossible though ‘ill?’
‘I think so.’ She said sounding even more nasal. ‘Why?’
‘Because you just sneezed with such a force that gravity almost lost power over you.’  I told her.
‘Stop being so sarcastic.’ She complained.
-Kyle-

                Was there truth in my words? Was she safe with me?  Was she even okay? As she cried in my arms, Molly’s words played over and over in my head. I loved Katy. I really did, but…I was in love someone else, someone who was, she said in love with me. Laura amazing, she knew how to make me laugh, she was always so… nice to be around… but that was it, when you got right down to it. Katy… Katy made me forget myself… she… She was pretty amazing. But Katy was my best friend. I lost my train of thought when she began to try to say something again.

‘H-h-h-he didn’t g-go after me.’ She sobbed.
‘Shhhh.’ I said quietly.

                Her deep whirling sobs lessened,  I shushed every time she tried to speak, until she was done crying. It hurt me to see her like this, broken. Molly was right, she needed help. Help… help I couldn’t give her. I couldn’t mend her heart, she didn’t want me to anyway. She wanted Daniel to. What do you do when your best friend is broken an you can’t do a thing? I felt helpless. 
‘Will I ever find someone like you?’ She asked, fiddling with my sleeve.
‘Of course you will.’ I told her, looking at the wet tracks on her cheeks. ‘And he’ll be everything you want him to be. And if you don’t you can always have me.’
‘Thanks.’ She laughed. ‘But  I don’t think Laura would approve.’
‘We don’t have to tell her.’  I told her and winked.
‘It would be very Disney though.’ She said sitting up.
‘Would that even matter?’  I asked.
‘Remember when our fathers used to joke about that happening?’ I asked.
‘Yeah and then our mothers would just smile and roll their eyes.’  She laughed.
‘You’d tell on them and they’d just go my my my, Frank, Jeremy, you’re scaring the poor children.’  I remembered.
‘That was before everything happened.’ She sighed. ‘Wish we could just go back.’
‘Yeah.’  I sighed.
‘It’s getting late.’  She said sighing and looking up at the almost completely black sky.

                She got up, I groaned softly. Her eyes had lost all the sparkle in them and were thick and red. Her cheeks were covered in wet tear tracks. I sighed, she did the same. She walked towards the bushes, she turned and stared at me. I stared back. Finally she smiled and waved, I did the same. Her copper hair blended in with the golden leafs as she disappeared into the bushes. I hated Daniel for doing  this to her. My fists clenched and unclenched.  I felt a sort of burning fire inside me. I stayed there a while and just stared at the white skin stretched tightly over my knuckles.

                I got up and started walking to Laura’s. I stuffed my hands in my coat pockets. I felt how cold they were, the tips of my fingers felt like icicles. I kept my gaze on the floor, occasionally looking up to make sure there weren’t people I was about to bump into.

Author's Note

what did you think? Tear it apart cirtique is always welcome :)

Reviews

This is amazing. It flows very well - you're able to see and clearly follow each persons train of thought - making it seem almost as if you're peeking into their head. I also like the way it isn't strictly linear. Rather than going from one point to the next, you do a short backtrack between the points of view - picking up before the events of the last ended, only from a different viewpoint. My only real concern (that word is too strong - it's more of a question really) is that there seems to be a huge gap in time that isn't mentioned. Katy wakes up and goes outside, to be shortly joined by Kyle. It feels like morning breakfast - maybe make a it more obvious she overslept? When it comes to Kyle's story though, she seems to be taking the next step in her conversation and it's suddenly 'getting late' - as in afternoon. It does definitely make you want to read more. ^.^