My Seven Deadly Sins

A redo of a poem that was once here, I remembered it when I looked through my old comments. In it, I compare the emotion of love to the Catholic 7.

One girl, one love, one life.

When our eyes meet I can only feel the lust of our midnight passion,
Constantly reminded of my gluttony of her, knowing I'd never share her,
I can never get enough of her, always fueling my greed by wanting more,
The thought of losing her always brings the wrath of insanity to my heart,
Seeing that others envy every inch of her, I remind that she is mine,
I happily walk with my arm around her, a glowing pride gleaming from our souls.

Reviews

[Emily Rose]

Ha! Very creative idea! It seemed like it would start out so sweet and innocent and then you hit us with six of the of the deadly sins in one compact poem (you missed "sloth" but I can see how that one would cause and issue with context). Your description of each is good, too, and I like the way you worked every single one into the poem and managed to fit them all into a believable context. My only issue was with the seventh line, the one that talks about envy: " I remind that she is mine." You remind what? You remind HER that she is yours? You remind THEM that she is yours? You need some sort of indirect object there otherwise you'll have to change it to "remember" and that'll kinda mess with the flow. Otherwise, great job and great idea!