Mother & Son

Cradled in her arms,
sleeps an innocent soul.
As white as a dove,
he has known only love.
His face rests upon
the shoulder of his mother.
His gentle breathing like the wind
blows into her hair,
they scatter all of a sudden
no worries, no care.
But in this chaos she finds
the peace that she craves, 

and the strength 
with which, the world she braves.
For him.

Reviews

[jacob erin-cilberto]

no greater love than that of a mother for her son.

i agree with David on that awkward spot...bottled up the reading a bit there...but even in its simplicity i like the words and theme here, and sometimes that works just as well as complexity and abstractness.

[Devesh]

Thank you for reading, Jacob! :) I'll change those words, almost forgot. Thanks for reminding me! :)

[Brook]

And you said you couldn't do it. Although it is not about a relationship, it is about love. A love that's very strong indeed. Wonderful write, great job!

[Devesh]

Thank you, Brookly! :))

[Shaquana Adams]

This is such a beautiful write. A mothers love really is special. Nicely penned Devesh! ^-^
-QuanaWana

[Devesh]

Thank you, QuanaWana( I like this name :P) :D

[BlackRose]

Beautiful write my friend. Nothing like the love from a mother to son depicted here or a daughter, as my mom is to me. :o) You write really well and see you going further with it all.

[Devesh]

Glad you could relate to it! Thanks :))

[Konigin]

Amazing Devesh! You've done it again! Superb pen, fantastic read! Keep writing... let nothing stand in your way friend! :)

[Devesh]

Thanks a lot, Chelsea! :D

[Konigin]

No Problem Devesh! :)

[Heather]

This is amazing! and so very beautifully written! i love the vivid imagery and the reflection of innocence in this. I love it's "story" and how truthful and epic it is. Great job! Have an amazing day! :)

[Devesh]

Thank you for reading, Heather. You have a wonderful day too! :)

[Heather]

No problemo, it is my pleasure to read such a great piece! :)

[David Moreland]

Beautiful, Devesh! I truly mean that. For your age, it is a masterpiece. I see so much in your future as you garner experience and humiliation - as you lose your beautiful innocence - I see great works to come; this is nothing my friend.

But it is the beginning of a glorious journey! And you have started well. Reading Lewis, the WOW factor! However, you have to stick with it. For you, it'll be perseverance. Writing is hard work. You'll be busy living, observing, questioning, carrying burdens you never imagined, crying tears whose destinies are to strengthen you. Getting a book publish takes a miracle. And living off what you love is something divine.

Soon you'll discover the joy and necessity of more complexity in your writing. That is the next step. You have the basics. time to break it up. Many break up what they never knew, pouring their bile out on paper, and call it poetry, theater, art. You, when you begin to take the next step, will know what you are breaking. Remember, don't just break up the traditions, the form, your soul - shatter it all. Be a literary iconoclast!

In the line "But in this chaos finds she / the peace that she craves,..." Why not just say "she finds"? ""But in this chaos she finds / the peace that she craves,..." Being a poet is no excuse for being awkward. This line is distracting because it is awkward. You have a beautiful voice, listen to it and if ever you do not hear it, rewrite. Sometimes it's just a line; sometimes a sentence or two best flipped, repositioned, rewritten or a paragraph gotten rid of. When you discover your voice, know how it sounds and love it; anything you write, if it does not sing, is fake. It's not you.

Why? Glad you ask. Maybe it's not your voice. Maybe there's a word in there like a grain of sand in the system. Maybe it's too deep, too shallow. Not balanced enough. It's a fog. Build banks and it becomes a river - the water flows instead of sitting there, stinking. I'm talking about boundaries you must set. Boundaries free you up, like the water from the fog, to flow, to run, like a stream. And to dig deeper, like a river.

[Devesh]

I cannot even begin to thank you, David. I'm flattered that you think I'm worthy enough for such a long, well-written review, that my writing is worthy of your time. I don't have a lot to say here, I'm just speechless. Thank you for your suggestions, I'll keep them in mind every time I write. And thank you for taking the time, thank you very much! It is very much appreciated!

[Bowers]

a very beautiful, touching piece, the imagery you've written is wonderful! a mother to find peace in the chaos

[Devesh]

Thank you for reading! :)

[Bowers]

your welcome!

[Erik Daniel]

You painted a great picture of a mother and her child and the bond that they share! Well done sir!

[Devesh]

Thanks, Erik! :)

[Thomas Fitzgerald]

A snapshot of the strength and tenderness of Mother's everywhere, well done, good read.

[Devesh]

Thank you :)

[Thomas Fitzgerald]

your welcome