The Journey

Linger just a sorry second,

bleary eyed by your side.

Through the throes from

those you still run and hide.

Search the night and the moon 

that shines as bright as gloom.

The light that lights your life, 

where pain and fear is rife,

was not yours, but the sun's,

the journey has just begun.

Reviews

[Nusquam Esse]

This is great, and it gets better as it goes. Seeing as the majority of it conforms to a rhyming sequence, if I were you I would get the 1st and 3rd lines to rhyme; although I don't know if you can do this without compromising the strength of the poem--sometimes rhyme weakens a poem. This may not be particularly necessary, especially since the 3rd time does rhyme part of the way through the 4th... still if you are having a hard time thinking of something which rhymes with second... try beckon or reckon? My favorite line was "The light that lights your life, where pain and fear is rife,"

[Devesh]

Thank you for reading the time to read and review, it is much appreciated =) I'm glad you liked it! That's exactly the problem, every time I try to rhyme this one, I fel like I'm compromising on the content, which I don't want. I have had enough experiences of ruining poetry by trying to make everything rhyme, I've come to accept the words as they come to me. I'll still try and edit though, thanks for your wonderful suggestions! :)

[Nusquam Esse]

I dunno... "From those throes which beckon, you still run and hide" it might work... of course this losses the less obvious rhyme of those and throes. Not to mention, it may change what you are trying to say.

[Devesh]

I'll have to think about it...thank you for helping me out here :)

[Kristina Moulaison]

I like this! It is deep with sorrow, but also hope. :) The first line is great!

[Devesh]

Thank you :))