In Remembrance

Black as death the gloomy sky, 

a gentle breeze, the morning nigh.

The wind, a faint breath, leaving the realm,

of monsters and men, ascending into the heavens.

Where there is no pain, there is no sorrow,

only the joyous rain, and no morrow.

The wind brushes against my cheek,

and silently reminds me, 

of all the times I never had,

of all the things I did not say.

Where once there was silence,

echoes now the melancholy song.

The ballad that no ears hear, 

but the heart does sing.

Author's Note

Feel free to suggest how I can improve. Thanks!

Reviews

[KAin]

Excellent work!
This is a fantastic poem; in terms of imagery and diction, almost flawless.
The style is rich, and felt much like an incantation, conjuring another world for us to explore...
or at least, a small piece of it, giving the reader a taste for more.
Thank you very much for sharing.
Keep writing!

[Devesh]

Thank you for reading! :))

[icelandicblue]

This is really a very beautiful and rich poem. Your word choices are lovely, yet dirge like, and they create a mood of release and ascension.

[Devesh]

Thank you for reading! :)

[Hope]

A deep , honest and great work !! I really liked this calm poem :) Good day ahead !

[Devesh]

Thank you! Wish you the same :)

[Hope]

You are most welcome ! :)

[BlackRose]

Improve? I don't see any unless someone else does that I did not see. An amazing write. Doing well, keep it up. :o)

[Devesh]

Thank you very much! :))

[BlackRose]

Your very welcome. :o)

[Konigin]

Again and again and again... Wow Devesh! You always manage to steal my breathe and make me want to shout to everyone about what amazing writing and poetry means. I hope that for all the things you didn't say, your words have said more than was ever possible. My favorite part:

The wind brushes against my cheek,

and silently reminds me,

of all the times I never had,

of all the things I did not say.

Admirable and noteworthy piece friend. Keep it up! Reach for the stars! :)

[Devesh]

Thank you for the wonderful review, Chelsea! Much appreciated! :))

[Konigin]

Absolutely Devesh! Anytime... :)

[E.V. Black]

Remembrance is a bittersweet thing. It brings joy and sorrow at the same time. I can see that, in this poem, it is the case. It starts out sad, turns bittersweet, and finally becomes happy. I know well the feeling of loss, so many times myself. Some times they were in death, others just in life. I hope that this feeling of yours is not able to impede your happiness. There is much to be happy about in life, so do not let sorrow block your path to the true feelings of your heart.

Please keep writing lovely poetry. For now, I shall continue to read it.

Also my favorite lines:

"The wind, a faint breath, leaving the realm,

of monsters and men, ascending into the heavens.

Where there is no pain, there is no sorrow,

only the joyous rain, and no morrow."

[Devesh]

I agree wholeheartedly with your observation, except that for me, the sadness does seem to weigh me down quite a bit sometimes. It does pass after sometime though.Thank you for your kind words :) I'm glad you liked the poem, thank you for reading :)

[annabellee]

What a beautiful write full of raw emotions. I loved it :)

[Devesh]

That's very good to know! I'm glad you liked it :D

[Kelly Scheppers]

...it's a beautiful read, and the ending is lovely.

I might change "the ballad that no ears hear", to "the ballad no one hears".


My best,
Kelly

[Devesh]

Thank you for reading, Kelly, will think about your suggestion :) Much appreciated! :D

[Savanna]

This really is beautiful.

[Devesh]

Thank you for reading, Savanna. :)

[Savanna]

Welcome :3

[s y e]

You're not much older in me and your poetry is so deep... I loved this one, i thought it was excellently written.

// The wind, a faint breath, leaving the realm,
of monsters and men, ascending into the heavens.
Where there is no pain, there is no sorrow, //

I loved these lines, you really have made this so powerful.

Kudos to you.

[Devesh]

I'm glad you liked it, this one's special for me...thank you for reading and reviewing! :)

[s y e]

Just read it again, you have a couple of spelling mistakes in their. Just one or two.

[Devesh]

I can't find anything...could you please say which?

[s y e]

You have a space here 'gloom y' it should be 'gloomy' and 'nigh' should be 'night' right?

[Devesh]

There's no space in gloomy, none that I can see, it's probably the font. Nope, 'nigh' is a rather old word for 'near'..I meant that the morning was near, wanted to create the image of the hour just before dawn. Appreciate your taking the time to read though, thanks a lot :)

[s y e]

Oh well.....

[Stefanie Holmes]

I love the imagery in this piece Devesh. I thought it flowed really well and I really liked your word choices!

~Stefanie

[Devesh]

Thank you for reading, Stefanie :)