Chapter Five: Peace

"Truth or dare?" Grace asks me. We're sat in a circle, about 20 of us, and I don't know everyone. Other people are dotted around the house, and a couple others are milling about to watch the fun of our game. Pretty much everyone has had at least one drink.

"I'm gonna go with truth," I say. The dares they've done recently just consist of people making out with the opposite gender.

"Okay," she says, giggling. She's pretty drunk. "So, your brother is a f*g, your other brother is probably a paedophile, and you're actually a girl who acts like she's a dude. Oh, and your parents were murdered. Do you have any other secrets to share with us?"

Everyone quiets down and doesn't stare at me, but stares at her. I feel my face burning and flushing a bright hue of red - which I can't tell if it's anger or embarrassment. People whisper about the inappropriate nature of the question, and also the vagueness. But I'm tipsy and I don't think anyone will believe me when I say to them all, loudly: "I hear Satan in my head." There's an awkward silence and a burst of laughter shortly follows. So I laugh along with them, but also wonder where Will has gone. I spin the bottle in the centre of the circle, and it lands on Chris, one of my close mates.

"Dare, obviously, my man," he says, and now I have to suddenly think of something on the spot. I really want to do something original here. I can't think of anything, so I'll just change up the original idea a little bit. He looks at me, as I dare him to make out with the next person who walks in the room, with no context.

We wait anxiously as a group, staring at the two potential entrances. After 30 seconds, someone walks in.

It's Will. Chris runs up to him and full on tries to kiss him,  but after a millisecond of their lips touching, William pushes Chris away. He looks absolutely furious, murderous.

He pushes past and walks out the room without a word. I genuinely don't have the strength to go and talk to him.

The rest of the night flashes by. I just keep on drinking because I want to drown out the voices, of Him, and the emotions I am feeling which I can't express. I don't puke, but I come pretty close.

Faces blur into each other, and I forget the conversations I've had, or who I've had them with. Soon enough, everything becomes numb, which is exactly what I had hoped for - I don't know who I am, or what I'm doing, but everything is okay, until I pass out.

When I come to, I notice I'm in a bathtub - might be the weirdest place I've ever woken up in. My head pounding, I notice a girl from my year group, slumped in the corridor outside the bathroom. I rise from the bathtub, my whole body aching at this point.

"Li," I say to her, as I walk closer. I tap her on the shoulder. No response. "Hey, Lianne."

I shake her lightly. "Li!" 

Instinctively, I put my hand on the side of her neck in an attempt to feel her pulse. What shakes me to the core, is I can't find one. That's when I notice the blood, and a perfectly slit wrist. "Oh no," I mumble, my heart beating what seems like one thousand times a second. Disoriented, I try and find another conscious human. It looks like many people crashed here for the night, but I'm the only one awake. A clock on the wall says it's just gone 4am. Trying to still my trembling body, I traipse through the seemingly never-ending (and ridiculously large) house. The horror of the situation sets in, along with the added difficulties with the situations with William and Henry. Inadvertantly, I gasp - I suddenly realise I've been holding my breath - and  the pounding in my head dulls slowly into an annoying ache. I contemplate calling 999. A girl is dead. Isn't that what you're meant to do? But she slit her wrists. At a party. Who does that? The argument in my head produces an inconsistent feeling of wanting to cry.

"Are you okay?" Sophie asks me, with a worried look on her face. I begin to speak, but she talks again. "That question Grace asked was so out of line. Charlie? Hello? You listening?"

"Um, Lianne Thurston is dead." I say, well aware that I'm putting it bluntly. This next bit is a blur too.

The police are called, Will and I go home, after I tell an overly sympathetic policewoman what I saw. It only registers in my mind after the conversation, that she was the same policewoman on call when my  parents were killed.

Will is fine. We walk back in silence. He's fazed by what happened, but not to the extent that I am. Li didn't really talk to many people - she was shy. I was one of the few she did have the confidence to speak to, and I felt privileged. I feel awful not even noticing she was at the party last night.