Thinking of You

"'Cause when I'm with him, I am thinking of you . . ."

The girl in the reflection was not me. It couldn’t be. She might have the same high cheekbones, the same glossy black hair, the same full lips and the same soft green eyes. But she was not me. She couldn’t be, because she had slept beside another man last night.

 

I sighed and pushed myself away from the mirror. I wandered down the hall to the window that overlooked the long dirt driveway. I pictured riding my bike down the dirt road with Will, shrieking with laughter. I had been sitting on the handlebars and we had crashed a few times, but I had a blast. It seemed like that had been a lifetime ago.

 

I heard the patter of feet on wood, but I didn’t react. I felt lips on my neck and closed my eyes so I could imagine it was Will and not Anthony.

 

“Katy, what are you doing?” he asked me and took my hand. He started pulling me back to the bedroom, and I let him, though I wanted to stay enveloped in my memories.

 

When we reached the bedroom, he plopped on the bed and I went with him. He leaned over and kissed my forehead. I shifted myself so I wasn’t facing him.

 

“Aw, c’mon, Katy. What’s the matter?” Anthony asked in an intrusive tone that made me a bit uneasy.

 

“Nothing.” I kept my tone cold and unreadable. “I’m just not in a good mood.”

 

Anthony huffed and rolled me back over. He sat up a little so he was towering over me and I was forced to stare right at him. His blue eyes were similar to Will’s.

 

I pictured myself lying next to Will in the tall grass on top of the hill behind the house, the picnic blanket underneath us. The food in the picnic basket had not been eaten yet. His hand had come up and touched my cheek, and I’d shivered at the sensation his fingers made when they grazed my skin. I’d pulled closer and cuddled against him, my face buried in his chest. He rested his head on mine and I relaxed listening to his breathing.

 

Anthony closed his eyes and leaned down. His lips touched mine and I felt nothing. No spark, no fire, nothing. Not like when I kissed Will. When Will had kissed me, there was nothing but sparks and fire.

 

I turned myself away from Anthony again and tried not to cry at the memory of Will. But Anthony wasn’t done. He cupped my face in his hands and covered my mouth with his own.

 

I tasted Will’s lips; despite it being Anthony’s pressed to mine. I could feel Will’s smile against my lips even though Anthony wasn’t smiling at all.

 

When I’m with him, I’m thinking of you, Will, I thought.

 

I pulled away from Anthony once again. Then I pushed myself up from the bed and walked back to the window, stray tears on my cheeks. I stared out it and could just barely see the small lake. Will and I had gone swimming there once, and I remember him dragging me into the water playfully. We’d splashed around, but mostly just floated on tubes for an entire afternoon, talking.

 

Then the memory flashed to the last night we spent together. It was a little party, and Will and I had danced the whole night. I remember laughing that we weren’t very good dancers compared to most of the other couples there. We mostly just swayed to the music, having a grand old time.

 

“Katy,” said Anthony. He put his hands on my waist and I fidgeted.

 

“Yes?” I answered.

 

He rested his chin on my shoulder and I wanted to squirm away.

 

He sighed. “I’m just happy to have you, that’s all.”

 

I made a little noise in the back of my throat that was supposed to be a sob, but I suppressed it and it came out a squeak.

 

Eager to change the subject, I asked him, “What time is it?”

 

“Uh, almost ten. Why?”

 

I slid out of his grip. “I have to get ready now.”

 

I walked robotically back to the bedroom and took a seat in the chair facing the mirror. I picked my way through my makeup until I found everything I needed. I applied the mascara, the eyeliner, the soft beige eye shadow. I dabbed on the foundation and concealor, then added a little blush to my cheeks. I picked out a deep red lipstick and carefully swept it over my lips. The whole time I tried to not look at myself directly in the eye. I wiped away a tear as it slid down my cheek and stood up.

 

I walked to my closet and pulled out a black skirt, a deep grey blouse and a fancy black cardigan. I looked like I was about to go to work as a lawyer instead of attend a funeral.

 

Anthony stepped in the room. “Whoa. Where are you going?”

 

I suppressed the urge to cry and strode over to my bedside table. I opened the drawer and pulled out the manila envelope. I opened the envelope and re-read the long paragraph explaining Will’s death. I handed the letter to Anthony.

 

“Put it back in the drawer when you’re finished reading it,” I told him and made my way to the front door.

 

***

 

I stood and stared at the military casket that lay before me. The graveyard wasn’t particularly packed, but there were quite a few people. I recognized Will’s parents and his sister, Ella, clumped over to the side, staring at Will’s casket. A picture of Will smiling was propped up next to the casket and it made my heart pang.

 

I remembered again the last night we spent together, and how the whole time I had tried not to notice that he was wearing his military uniform. The party we’d attended had been a military departure party, put together by a few nice folks from town. There were at least eight other women who had went through what I had that night, but none of them had received a letter telling them that their man had died in battle.

 

I closed my eyes to block the tears from escaping. I concentrated on the priest, speaking about not mourning Will’s death, but celebrating his life. Then came the time to throw my rose. I tossed it gently and it landed directly on the white casket. Then I set down a second rose in front of the picture of Will.

 

To his picture, I whispered, “I’ll be thinking of you.”

 

Then I turned and walked away from the mourning people and the sad scene that was Will’s funeral. I didn’t even want to think about Anthony, waiting for me back at the house, expecting me to love him. But I never could, because I still loved Will, and I’d always be thinking of him instead. 

Author's Note

i know, i know. who writes stories based on Katy Perry songs? I DO! it's just something i thought of when i watched Thinking of You on YouTube. hope ya like it....P.S., watch the music video to get a better understanding of why i wrote this and what its about.

Reviews

[Just Me]

This was so sad! My heart literally broke for her. I loved this.

[selkietales]

Oh my gosh, so sad! I hope she feels better soon! That's kinda weird to wish for a fictional person, but it just means your writing pulled me in and made me care :)

[Tamia123]

wow. Amazing!

[A. L. Allen]

This is so sad! I was expecting Will to be some secret love that she had, and it made me so upset when I found out he died! Great job!

[_Hanabi_]

i love this ....it`s so amazing it really says alot.can`t wait to read some more of your things...ur a great writer keep up the good work

[JadeForever]

i think your story is really nice, your a great author!

[Maddie:]]

very impacting! as usually, your descriptions were vivid and emotions very powerfully portrayed. :] nice write!

[LilMissWriter17]

Awwwww. That was beautiful! Pulled me right in from the start! And a beautiful story that goes with the song too :)

[KAREN]

Such a sad read, but I really enjoyed every last word.

[Jennifer]

Love it! I was reading this and the one that got away came on. Love the story and Katy