The way you try to fill the hole

Not sure. Feeling lost and pretty empty so decided to dump it here.

I’ve never felt emptiness in this sense
The complete lack of anything and everything
The looking at beauty, gazing it straight in its eyes, becoming mesmerized
But your insides don’t feel the same
You don’t feel the dopamine hopping and kicking against your receptors
Even though you know it should be there
What will fill this hole
What will make you feel good
Trying so many things never felt so fruitless

Autopilot has never made you feel this distant
Autopilot has never stolen the stargaze straight from your eyes
Infuriation flickers, but is quickly quieted
The ghost of a flame in your dark brown eyes

What do I imagine someone sees?
When they look into me at this point?
When I’m happy, they say, “what a beautiful smile”
Your eyes bring you life
Two sparkles of joy in a dark paradise

And now all they see is two dark parasites
Searching and sucking all the life from the skies
A smile that flickers, showing deadness inside.
Two frothing dark pits
Two endless black holes
The life that they once felt must be in there once more

Can they see it inside you?
Can they feel your innards rot?
Sickness, emotion, fragility unsought
Have you ever been stronger?
What does it take to feel
Pinch me I’m dreaming
Something out here must be real

Author's Note

I realized the sudden switching of tenses/perspectives may be frowned up or confusing. I’m sorry I’m still just kind of venting out how I feel and this is how it comes.

Reviews

[Seriana]

Don't ever apologize for your writing. It's a piece of you. :)

For saying you were feeling empty, this piece is full of life, pain, dark emotions, and hope. Sometimes the writing (as you've done here) draws out that emotion, exposes it, helps us to see, and heal. Sometimes being raw and exposed is the best form of art. Just throw it up, get it out there. I imagine it's much like those paintings where an artist splatters the paint.

Thanks for sharing. It shows vulnerability and that takes courage.

[Mavis]

Thank you so much. This was very heartfelt and I don’t think you understand how much it touched me. Thank you for taking the time to review!