Carried on the wind

I cry out into the darkness of night

praying to the god I thought I knew

hoping the wind delivers these words

my heart whispers to you.

Night fades into another day

awaken, I wait for you to respond

left to wonder ever more

are my whispers really carried on?

Perhaps the wind bedevils,

betraying the weight of words

twisting the very confabulations

never wanting them to be heard

Perhaps they are left to die

on the winds quiet death

falling hard to the ground

blowing no more, natures gentle breath

Scattered about, they must lay

among the flowers they fall

along the old wooded path,

in fields where the grass grows tall.

It matters not where I find

the whispers of the heart

laid to rest, one and all

along the wind they depart

I pray they reach you not

never delivered on that wind that blew

for it is better they fall silent

then to be rejected by you.

Reviews

[Emily B]

I heard you

the wind whispered your words so prettily that I wiped away a tear

stunning words :)

[Ruth]

Rejection in this is surrounded by truly stunning imagery! Sometimes we feel it is indeed better for thaose words to not reach for fear of that rejection. I love this!
xx

[Shasta]

Rejection is the worst feeling!! Great rhyming and showing ur pain!

[OT]

very nice!!! a great consistent ABCB rhyme which reads so well!!

[Zoe Jay]

I love the rhythm and rhyme, it rolls and flows beautifully. There's such a musicality about this, it could easily be made into a song. I like the way you alternate between soft "w" sounds and harder sounds, both within verses, but also, varying the pitch and speed from verse to verse, first pushing the poem on, then holding it back. It gives the poem a sort of a roll which is very readable and quite satisfying. The final line of each verse has a solid chunkiness, and sort of finality, which really wraps each verse into a neat package. Almost any verse of this could stand alone as an elegant piece of writing. Really like it!! :o)

[closed]

This poem has a very personal essence. The format seems to be the speaker and God. There is angst there and a sense of hopelessness in the act of prayer. The flow is really good and the implementation of nature helps make this awesome

good, sincere write^

-Dream

[Poeticpiers]

The final stanza is masterly Your rhyme scheme is regular but you pay no attention to meter.Is that intentional? or happenstance

[KATHY SUE SILLS]

This is wonderful! A pray being said hoping that the winds carries it on to the gods, but fear of being reject by god you hope the winds do not suceed! I think alt of us can relate to this poem! Excellent work!

[Jūdan FyreHeart]

A lot of emotion is conveyed through this. The last desperate words of someone seeking redemption and help.

[Masters Butterfly]

all one has to do is whisper on the winds and they will be delievered to the one to whom you send .....