A Journey to Dawn

Something I wrote in order to cope with the ending of an era in my life.

I know it sounds a little crazy, but the words are out to get me

Words like carousels that spin around around with no passengers 

Empty threats, shooting blanks

Rotating with the gentle lethargy of a waltz that soothes me into a state of only half-dreaming

And I wonder vaguely if I have been sleeping all of these years only to wake up and realize that I know absolutely nothing and no one around me

What once was translucent turned opaque

Words can't help me now as I look around 

What once was familiar and real turned to something so fake

This place is a dollhouse that once held mine, a child's series of dreams and insecurities of which I spake

And Lord, I beg you now my soul to take unless I am, in fact, dreaming, because I have lost my desire to be awake.

Because who's to say what's beyond this place? The darkness rises within me and it winds lithely outwards on wings of words that I flounder to release, words that never come fast enough

"Who are you? What's your name?" Perhaps, "What's for lunch today?"

But the time for these words is running out and soon the darkness travels with the time and it breeds and spreads like a sickness.

Apprehension, anticipation.

Friendships reduced to a solemn anthem of words like "See you soon" and "Remember when?"

Whole conversations swollen with darkness

It's the fear of which I speak

Consuming me

And these anthems begin to sway me to a restless sleep, the soothing tempo of the waltz inside my head now daunting

Taunting

A voice that says only things that re better left unsaid.

But wait - 

Through the cavernous night there shines a hope

Small lights not completely swallowed

Thoughts, ideas, aspirations.

Aspirations like hundreds of feet walking on a stage, of cheers and smiles and and a sea of blue and gold

Each small step echoes in my head and I can almost taste the sound

Like victory

Like that same lamentation turned round to comfort me and it says

"Come, now," it says "You might be afraid

You might be be beaten, weak, worn, betrayed,

standing only with crutches like 'maybe' and 'what if' and 'I'll see you then'.

You may think you can't go on, but you must remember

The night is darkest before the dawn."

Fear and trepidation are molting like the feathers of an aged Phoenix

Rise, rise, a new me rises from their ashes 

And I watch these feathers sigh gracefully in the air where they turn and slowly, finally fall to the ground

Where I thank them not for what they are, but what they have led me to become

I keep my head geared towards the sky and into the light I am drawn

It's always darkest before the dawn

Author's Note

I actually don't write poetry very often, which I suppose isn't a surprise, as this follows no particular pattern. Written mostly because I have an ever-present fear of graduation and I am trying to ease myself out of it with optimism, hooray. It sounds better when read aloud, but that's only a suggestion.