The Author's Tale

A Geoffrey Chaucer/The Canterbury Tales fan fiction!

The Author's Prologue

(In Memory of Geoffrey Chaucer and The Canterbury Tales)

***This Tale belongs in the unfilled gap between the Cook's Tale and the Merchant's Tale in Geoffrey Chaucer's wonderful narrative The Canterbury Tales

 

Heere folweth the Prologe of The Author's Tale

 

The tale was far from being done

And eagerly awaiting was everyone,

⁴⁴²⁵         But no more words filled the air

And only silence was everywhere.

"Come now cook," said the Reeve,

"That cannot be the end, I do believe.

What will happen to good Perkin and his wife?

⁴⁴³⁰         Did they live a happy merchant's life?

Surely you cannot be done,

Less you forfeit, then I have won."

The company listened for a snort

As the Cook replied with his retort.

⁴⁴³⁵         No word was heard but there was a sound

As the Cook fell off his stead and hit the ground.

"Dear me," said the Nun, "I hope he is not dead."

"Ha ha," said the Miller, "he landed on his head."

The Cook's body lay limp in the dirt,

⁴⁴⁴⁰         But the Cook had no injury and was not hurt.

Lying on the ground he began to snore.

"Good," said the Reeve, "He was a bore."

"This be the first time," said the host,

From Yorkshire to Canterbury Coast

⁴⁴⁴⁵         That ever a man did fall asleep

When words of a tale he sought to reap."

"Perhaps," said the Knight, "this was fate

And for the Cook's tale we were meant to wait."

"But who shall tell a tale Sir Knight?"

⁴⁴⁵⁰         "How about me?" asked a voice from the light.

The company looked at the light with awe.

In the aura a fat man they saw.

He was round and jolly, with a long white beard.

An encounter with the divine was what they all feared.

⁴⁴⁵⁵         The Knight kneeled, the Nun bowed,

The Monk fell down no longer proud

The Reeve did frown and lost his clout,

As the Miller reached for another stout.

The Pardoner's face turned blue.

⁴⁴⁶⁰         "God?" The Parson asked, "Is it you?" 

"No," said the man, "God is not my fate

Although this pilgrimage I did create,

Think of me not as God, but a Glosser

In fact, why don't you all call me Chaucer."

⁴⁴⁶⁵         "Dear Chaucer," said the Knight,

"You gave us quite a fright,

But if we have nothing to fear,

Then may I ask why you are here?"

"Good Knight," said Chaucer,

^{4470         "}Like I said, I am just a Glosser.

Rewriting stories is all I do.

None are my own, this is true.

So for a change I'd like to start

And tell my own tale from my heart"

⁴⁴⁷⁵         "Then dear sir, let your tale begin.

Maybe our game you will win."

Thus did Chaucer clear his throat

And now his tale I shall quote.

The Author's Tale

 

Heere bigynneth the Tale of The Author

 

There was once dwelling in Canterbury

⁴⁴⁸⁰         A maiden as graceful as a fairy.

Her beauty was likened to the moon

And after her did all men swoon.

She had skin as fair as whiten snow

And from her face there came a glow.

⁴⁴⁸⁵         Her eyes shown forth like precious pearls

And her hair was waves of golden curls.

Englanda was her given name.

Throughout the land she had much fame.

She was a princess of noble birth.

⁴⁴⁹⁰         Of her riches there was much worth.

As was the custom of princesses before

Upon her head a crown she did adore,

But of this crown she would part

And give to the winner of her heart.

⁴⁴⁹⁵         Thus would men for her affection vie,

But none could take and all would die

For an Olden King did guard the princess fair

And of the men who after the princess dare.

This King forbade and had much inhibition

⁴⁵⁰⁰         and he made all suitors engage in competition.

The task could be of their own design,

Whether jousting match or test of divine.

But the Olden King was skilled at all.

Thus those who challenged him would fall.

 

⁴⁵⁰⁵         One day three travelers landed at port:

A Knight, a Priest, and Clerk of Court.

The only reason they arrived in town

Was so that they could claim the maiden's crown.

The Knight had a face one could trust,

⁴⁵¹⁰         But his armor was covered all in rust.

The Priest wore the clergy's standard gown

And on his face was always a frown.

The Clerk was a merchant's son

And truly a puzzle to everyone.

⁴⁵¹⁵         He served in court with no noble blood

And wrote of things like Noah's flood.

Yet still he was just laity

And to his age a mystery.

 

"Dear Priest," said the Knight,

⁴⁵²⁰         "I know why I have come to fight.

For winning a princess is a noble deed,

But give me answer, and do me heed,

Why have you come to Canterbury

When Priests are not allow to marry?"

⁴⁵²⁵         "Sir Knight," replied the Priest,

"My church is poor, we have no feast.

I have not come to seek a bride,

Nor compete for selfish pride,

The only reason I seek to win her hand

⁴⁵³⁰         Is so that my church will gain her land."

Quote the Clerk, "Truth be told,

No one thinks I will get the gold.

For what is a clerk in this modern age?

A man with a pen who writes on a page?

⁴⁵³⁵         Not noble, or clergy, but far from a serf.

We have no place on God's green turf.

Like merchants, we clerks have no class,

But mark my words, I'll get the lass."

 

To the princess's castle traveled the three.

⁴⁵⁴⁰         All eager to claim the victory.

The castle stood with walls and spire

And torches burned with bright red fire.

The Olden King sat on his golden throne.

⁴⁵⁴⁵         He looked at the three and let out a groan.

"So you have come to challenge me

And try to win the princess free?

Then name your task, and do not wait

For none shall win, this is your fate."

⁴⁵⁵⁰         The three looked at each other with faces grim.

"What task," said the Priest, "is our whim?"

With sword in hand, said the Knight,

"I would rather choose to fight."

"But wait," said the Clerk,

⁴⁵⁵⁵         "Fighting will not work.

Nor will divine deed.

A new plan is what we need."

"What do you suggest?" asked the Priest.

"Why don't we out smart the beast."

⁴⁵⁶⁰         The King grew impatient and began to ask,

"Have you decided on a task?"

"I have," said the Clerk

"But it will be much work.

For a story game is what I suggest

⁴⁵⁶⁵         And the winner tells the story best.

Also, good King, make it imperative

That the winner is the longest narrative."

"This task," said the King of Old

"Is new and fresh and quite bold.

⁴⁵⁷⁰         Your challenge to me is quite brave,

But you shall lose foolish nave."

"Count me in," said the Knight,

"Leaving me out, wouldn't be right."

"As well as I," said the Priest,

⁴⁵⁷⁵         "Of telling stories I won't be least."

"Then let it begin," said the Clerk,

And on his face rose a grin.

"Dear King," said he, "we hail.

Let yours be the first tale!"

 

⁴⁵⁸⁰         Thus the Olden King began

And told a story of a great man

Who suffered from a sinister wife

He sought to steal his wealth and life.

Saints and Angels, Demons and Kings,

⁴⁵⁸⁵         In his story were many things.

The hour stretched long and late.

The Priest and Knight continued to wait.

Their turn would come next, whenever that'd be,

But there was no end to the Olden King's story.

⁴⁵⁹⁰         Four hours past and still he did tell

Of chickens and cuckolds and visions of hell.

"Um King?" the Clerk asked with a squirm.

"You dare interrupted me you little worm?"

"No Good King, don't get me wrong.

⁴⁵⁹⁵         Only I've been sitting here quite long

And my lower parts have got their fill

And if you could find it in your will

To point me in the right direction

So that I could make my little correction.

⁴⁶⁰⁰         The urge for some time now I have fought

But I could really use a chamber pot."

The King watched him dancing in the light

"It's down the hall, second door to the right."

The Clerk thanked the king then started to leave,

⁴⁶⁰⁵         But before he could exit the king asked the three,

"Shall I stop my tale till the Clerk return?"

"No no," said the Clerk, "let the others listen and learn."

 

Thus the king continued as the Clerk left to pee,

Or so the Clerk wanted them all to believe.

⁴⁶¹⁰         Secretly he climbed the tower to the princess fair,

While the others were completely unaware.

He stopped at her door and started to knock.

The Princess came and opened the lock.

"Are you my champion?" asked the Princess.

⁴⁶¹⁵         She was clothed in a beautiful green dress.

The Clerk was taken by her beauty so fair.

"Of such beauty none can compare!"

Exclaimed the Clerk then kissed her hand.

"I've come to take you from this land."

⁴⁶²⁰         "Oh let the joy of my heart sing,

You've defeated the Olden King!"

"Sing not to loud," said the Clerk with a hush,

"For victory it may be, but not of the such

As conventional knights and priests may take,

⁴⁶²⁵         But you can call it victory for victory's sake."

Then the Clerk with much stealth led the Princess away,

As the Olden King keep telling day after day

His story to the Priest and the Knight

From sun up he told till late in the night.

⁴⁶³⁰         He would have the longest tale with no exception,

But the King never knew of the Clerk's deception.

Englanda was gone and so was her crown.

Off with the Clerk in some other town.

Now if there is a moral to this tale,

⁴⁶³⁵         Then let me now to you unveil,

And say of life and death and dreams:

Beware of Clerks and their schemes.

 

Here ends The Author's Tale of Englanda and Clerk

Epilogue to the Author's Tale

 

"What A tale!" said our host then,

"Of all the tales this one will win."

⁴⁶⁴⁰         "Now pilgrims wait with you praise,"

Said Chaucer with his hand raised.

"You might find this rather odd,

But all the credit must go to God.

Amends I make, my soul intact,

⁴⁶⁴⁵         Now all this story I retract.

For God's mercy I am wary

For the pilgrim's of Canterbury."

With that good Chaucer disappeared.

To where we know not nor feared.

⁴⁶⁵⁰         Then the host looked around for another to chat

And his gaze fell on one with a Flemish beaver hat,

"Now we must move on with our life

So tell us good merchant, have you a wife?"

Reviews

[S.S.P.]

amazing!

[J.K.P.]

Brilliantly put together! And it was quite comical. :D
I read a few parts of the Caterbury Tales, and my favorite of the ones I have read was the Miller's Tale. I loved your spin on this. Very few would have the courage to read this much, haha.