I could only call it a jumble...

First poem for a pretty long time, woke up this morning with some lines in my head and just got straight down to writing I guess...

I could try and count all the times I've been torn,

But spreading out my heart, my guts, I see it's all so worn...

If I could hear that little heart so full of love speak,

It would surely cough and say:

"I don't understand why you treat me this way!

Leaving me so vulnerable to attack, can't you see,

I'm full of cracks!"

I'd apologise as much as I possibly could,

For never really doing what I should,

I am a bad owner, I am a bad friend,

It shouldv'e always been you whom I would defend.

One after the other, I'd let these people slither in,

And one after the other, my mind would give in,

Till I'm utterly besotted with the next heartCRUSHER in line,

It was always too fast, never quite on my own time,

Never ready for the things I would feel,

Never clever enough to pick out who wasn't being real,

Till it was always far too late to save me...

And so I'm left burned and full of hate.

I do not wish to tar everyone with this dirty brush,

But I go for the wrong ones, and always end up with more than a silly crush,

I put myself in the firing line each and everytime,

Hoping things would be different,

Hoping things would be fine.

I question why my decisions are oh so twisted...

Do I enjoy the pain?

Or am I just in some way listed?

Born to a list where all those on it feel pain,

Having to wait to be reborn again,

Or maybe I need to find MYSELF first,

But I fear I'll then learn that I am the worst...

 

Author's Note

Hmmmmm? I don't have much to say here tbh xD