Knife Called Lust

Stole the title from a song by Hollywood Undead, if you didn't know that OH WELL XD. It's nothing like the actual song but I just thought I should write something based around the title since I like it a lot.

Your reflection bounces off this blade,
I see you here in deep red shade,
Senses heightened,
The blades grip tightened,
Pulling me towards you,
Don’t be frightened.

But you let me breath your heady scent,
You let me lay you down,
You cut me into doll shapes now,
You splatter me across this town
Why let me take you intoxicated?
I won’t do it; I won’t be your fate...

Just leave me with this knife called lust,
It holds me tighter with every thrust,
I can’t escape its lightening speed,
You’ll never see when my soul is freed,
Coz this blade won’t ever leave.

I am the magnet drawing you in,
I try so hard to not give in to sin,
You have the blade in your hand,
When will you just understand,
It’s not me you should follow,
I’m intoxicated by this lust,
Stabbing me harder with every thrust,
No strait jacket could hold me down,
I want you now, so run from this town.

This knife called lust leaves my conscience dead,
I can't see past all this red,
No reasoning could help break this knife,
Watch it now it takes my life.

 

Author's Note

I feel better about this now thanks to Shadow giving me a few editing pointers and making sure I kept at it, fresh reviews are welcome :P
Everyone please take note of the fact that the first review was for the original crappy version that I will show anyone who wants to see it to notice the immense difference.
<3

Reviews

[Brjden (Bridge-Den) Cre..]

Great write! I love that knife by the way. It's better than that d***o called love!
I didn't see this before edit, but I thought it was written pretty tightly. Shadow's dope, so I'm sure the advice was spot on. You have some great skill and metaphors for such a young age, but I look forward to reading more of your work. Let's see what you got! Great write again!

"Just leave me with this knife called lust,
It holds me tighter with every thrust,
I can't escape its lightening speed,
You'll never see when my soul is freed,"

Good s**t!

[MadasonBlue]

This is amazing.

And, actually, I do see a couple similarities between the song and this poem.
(By the way, Hollywood Undead is an epic band. The title's what made me read this, initially.)

The first stanza is my favorite. I see a little metaphor there in the reflection in the blade. That was good.
Another metaphor in the "doll shapes", too, like the speaker-person is just a toy for someone to play with, to used for whatever they want. That was another good line.

The last stanza was another really great bit, what with temptation and sin taking someone's life, taking control, not letting go.

This is super-impressive.

[Taylor H]

this is really good

[Spilled Her Guts in Cur..]

ah see i like this edit much more now ^^

[Anonymous Shadow]

better.

[Spilled Her Guts in Cur..]

Told you already i love this, its really dark and gorgeous. I think it maybe needs another stanza in the middle....