Surrender to WIN

Describes my connection with my higher power whom I choose to call "God"

Surrender to Win

 

I rise from my knees and now I proceed to surrender,

Surrender to win

My weapon to victory lies within this pen

 

I abandon the futile battle of the flesh

I’ll transcribe my pain and shame

Move on and start fresh

 

I’ve sinned, humiliated myself; for that I am embarrassed

A b*****d child from birth however,

I’ve been blessed with a phenomenal mother

And a few dedicated surrogate parents

 

Still self-loathing and pathetic I became

After a variety of empty “escapes”

My once simple life would never be the same

I had goals, dreams, and aspirations

 

I placed them in a bottle,

Call it Alcoholic Abdication

“Methed up” suffocation

Verbal Rationalization

Co-dependent justification

Reacting on pure self-hatred

 

I blossomed into a “twacked out” sensation

Years passed, cities changed

I became ashamed of my own name

It was never greener on the other grass’s side

My heart was crushed the day my first love died

 

Relationships ended, I should’ve been dead

So many transgressions I tried to forget

Pushed so much love away

Tears streamed down my face

After 24 years I’ve just found my way

So much absence of light where I ran

 

The only place I belong is in my higher power’s hands

I choose to call Him “God” sometimes “Dad”

From the grips of Hell: A place I’d been so long

I was dusted off, covered up and told to “carry on”

 

“I’ve got this from here” a powerful voice said

“Have no fear” He Shouted

“Since you called on me, your wreckage is forgotten…

I am your savior, protector, and guide

You tried to ignore me, but from me you cant hide”

“I was there in the beginning; I’ll be there in the end…

All those times you thought I left you, I was also there then

You my child I have big plans for

They are written with a future, a hope and so much more

The same demons that chase you:  they fear my sword,

Though they still may taunt you I’ll give you the strength to endure”

 

“It has been written, I am the ONE for whom to save your tainted soul

I gave the world my perfect Son

For your mistakes heartaches and Eternal Freedom”

 

“Its time for you to spread what you’ve heard

For this reason I’ve given you a gift and a tool;

Creative Spoken Word

The glory will be MINE

And in me you will find

A true LOVE so Divine

Unlike that of mankind

 

The Freedom of choice is theirs to keep

I offer forgiveness, life, and ETERNITY

If the wrong choice is made

In their beds the stray will lay

Still those who believe in me will weep

 

They will sadly whisper amongst themselves

Saying ‘into the darkness they shall dwell’…

For they chose not to hear or see

And arrogantly refused to BELIEVE”

 

I sat down quickly and sighed then began

To cry wondering why I was chosen

But alas I give up on being “All Knowing”

 

I realize that’s not my job

To figure things out and pick and prod

God grant me the serenity to let it all go for inside your whole armor

Into a spiritual warrior I will grow

Into the battles you send me I will go

 

You freed me from captivity into which I was sent

Convicted me of all my transgressions and humbly I repent

Questions will be asked no more

I’ll let my knees hit the floor

 

 

 

My eyes I pray stay focused on you

And everything that challenges me

I have faith you’ll help me through

I will stumble but never fall

For it’s your name I will call

 

The angels you sent are all around

I see them in the strangest places

Random and familiar faces

I commit to make a change

To practice faith and fight until my dying day

 

My baby girl will say “I thank God for my mom and

I’m not ashamed, she wasn’t perfect

But in the Lord she had faith

Spread his word and found a new life in His name

 

God is great and he is so good

Through His love and grace

I got to have a mom otherwise I never would”

Written By: Indya Renee

 

Author's Note

I am open to all honest and positive feedback all is appreciated and welcomed. Thank you for reading lets connect add me!!