Sunset

A short story I had written for school when we needed a creative writing piece :)

Joe closed his eyes, leaning against the trunk of his old, favorite tree, feeling the bark press into his back, a reminder that he can still feel. He lit up a cigarette, putting the butt between his chapped lips, and inhaled, the glow from the other end of it matching the sunset before him. Joe never did like autumn much. He despised the litter of leaves and hours of endless raking, the brisk wind nipping at your clothing, not cold enough to be winter, yet past the point of summer. Though it wasn’t his favorite season, Joe had to admit to the unique beauty and allure of an autumn sunset. He found himself watching sunsets lately. With the way things were going in his life currently, it had an eerie calming effect on him, soothing his sanity which threatened to slip away after each passing day.

            The large, grandiose yellow disk descended slowly from the sky, signifying the oncoming of night. It resembled the long, gentle strokes of a painter’s brush in hues of crimson, gold, and rose. The horizon was a thin, bright gold thread dyeing the sky a gradient of hot pinks, oranges, and yellows. It was as if pigments of colors bled into the sky, seeping through the seams of the clouds. The season cast an orange haze above the horizon, lighting up the sky as if lit by fire, yet the haze is so crisp and clear. The sun was so large that he felt he could almost touch it. It seemed to look at him with a dull glare, knowing its own beauty and strength, and that the earth’s dependence on it was vital to the survival of the planet. As it set, he could feel the last of the sun’s warmth; its one final embrace of the earth before it departed. 

           Joe pushed away from the tree, feeling the leaves that littered the ground, hearing them crunch beneath his feet, before his shoes seeped into the wet, muddy ground as he slowly trekked towards his cabin. The sun was nearly as orange as the sky, blending seamlessly. Yet, even from behind the trees, it seemed to stare at him; a silent ball of wonderment, a raging protuberance of Hellish fury. Joe closed his eyes. He began to ponder about the sun. It is the source of life, yet it possesses the ability to just as easily extirpate and utterly destroy life itself. It is conscious, substantial, yet holds a transcendental quality, something undefined. By the time he opened his eyes, the sun was gone, and in its absence was a sea of dark, lonely clouds in a twilight sky.

            He flicked his cigarette, rounding the corner to his cabin. He knew things, like the seasons would change and everything would be just fine. He knew that he, himself, much like the sun, could not be defined by one simple thing, but that he held something more, something deeper, substance. And that, in itself, was a comfort.

Author's Note

This is just a short story I had written a couple of months ago for school. Let me know what you think! Any commentary is welcomed :)

Reviews

[Taylor]

As others have said, you are indeed talented and I hope that you take every opportunity to continue to write and hone your skill. I am sure that your teacher must have given you a good grade, well-deserved. I do want to make several comments though in the hope that they will be helpful. First of all, I think that more needs to happen in the story, some major change for Joe and also Joe needs to be developed more as a character. You have done an excellent job of describing the sunset and the sunset. I would suggest that you might expand the story a bit with more description of Joe and some conflict that gets resolved. For example, in the first paragraph, you say that Joe found himself "watching sunsets lately." That suggests that something has happened to cause him to do that, what was it? What does it mean that he is watching sunsets? Just a small thing -- watch your tenses. In several places you switch from past tense to present where it should be consistently past tense. Again, I'd like to reaffirm what a fine writer you are and what I see as tremendous potential. I offer these points in the hope that they will be helpful. Whenever you receive such comments, it will be up to you to judge whether they have merit. If they feel right to you as a writer, then accept them. If on the other hand they don't feel right, reject them and go on your way! Congratulations on a very fine piece of writing and welcome to WritersCafe.

[A Lonely Girl]

Thank you so much! As always, my writing is not perfect and needs editing, and thank you for giving me those suggestions. I really appreciate commentary and critique :) Thank you for your kind words as well, it definitely means a lot to me. As far as this story goes, the assignment was a descriptive piece, so that is why I describe so much of this sunset, and it just so happens that the little "story" of the character was just thrown in to make it flow. I had never thought of actually making a plot line with the character, but I just might after your suggestion! Thank you so much again! :)

[SpiceCookie]

This is such a good story! So descriptive about the sunset. Your teacher must have been really proud of you! :)

[A Lonely Girl]

Thank you! That is so nice to say! I so appreciate you and your kind words, and I will be making my way to read some of your work as well :)

[SpiceCookie]

you're welcome! :)

[....................]

This is some very good descriptive work. You are very talented, ALG... I look forward to reading more of your work...

[A Lonely Girl]

Thank you SO MUCH! I really really appreciate you saying this! YOU are great :)

[....................]

you are welcome :)