00:55

Need help with this one, not certain of it's flow.

00:55

 

Fifty five seconds

and Death reckons I’ll die.

-Fifty four seconds to ask him why?

Why not let me go, can’t I be the exception?

“Forty five seconds.” says Death.

Mary smiles and I nearly forget

that I’ll be gone in thirty five seconds now.

Not enough time to tell her

 I could have done better

And how much I love her-“I know.”

She says, “Just rest”.

-Time’s up; I draw one last breath.

Reviews

[Stammers]

I like the concept. And the Eliot like twist of the knife with 'I could have done better'. I didn't have a problem with the flow, in fact I felt the simplistic near rhyme of your last two lines threw off the abrupt feeling of struggling against the clock - did you mean it to feel as if he gave in?

[Inda]

Thanks for reviewing! I did mean for it to feel as if he gave up, after all no one can defeat death. Glad you liked the flow, that was my main concern. Thanks again!