Hung

Something Darker.

Hung

Drip, dripping

piss on the floor.

Knock, knocking

on my door.

The moon shining,

hanging

there

lifeless; without a care.

Reviews

[s y e]

Holy smokes, this is totally different from you, I am completely stunned I loved it! Your rhyme was perfect, excellent job!

[Inda]

Thanks noodle, glad you liked it!

[K. Louis]

something about that last line 'without a care' doesn't sit well with me...because it's implying something that is already said in the previous statement..'the moon shining, hanging there lifeless'. I think perhaps this needs something a little more in between the kocking on my door and the moon shining....to provide a little more insight...a picture that is a little more clear. This is just my opinion though, that could help you or not; always write to what speaks to you.

[Inda]

I see what you mean, this is an older piece, but im glad you point this out. Thanks!

[Andie]

Very dark, indeed. I've read it about 10 times and it still has some kind of effect on me.
Good job, as always.

[Inda]

Wow, thanks. I'm glad you liked it and you humble me when you say you've read it so many times. That is the highest compliment. Thank you! :)

[Andie]

You're very welcome! Your poems are alway really well written. :)