Her

This is actually a letter to one of my best friends. although the gender roles are reversed. I'm actually the girl and he's the boy.

It was a pedestrian life without her, if we are being honest I don’t even know if it would be one worth living, every day I go to work in a grey office, in my grey suit, in my grey car under a grey sky and only to come home to a grey house. She adds colour to my life the way no one else does. Although she is very quiet and reserved, once you really get to know her she is vibrant and joyful with a hint of darkness in her. She’s not pessimistic she is realistic and that’s what makes her so nice to talk to. I have many issues that have never reached anyone’s ears because every time I go to tell someone I can feel fear tugging on my sleeve. I’d never let the words slip out until that day. I had told her about many issues of mine before that but never anything as serious as what I told her that day. I have never trusted someone that much, it was something about her that made you feel safe, as though you could instantly trust her but it’s not just the vibe she gave off she earned that trust. She wasn’t always compassionate but she was the best problem solver and definitely the best listener. She had plenty of issues as well but she never complained.

There are many people in my life and I have a healthy number of friends, though my friends are far from healthy… mentally at least. I wouldn’t really call them my friends unless you count friends as people you can’t trust, don’t really feel safe around and who constantly judge you. let’s just say their people I pass the time with. Now there was a point where I told one of my “friends” I thought I was in love with her, I wasn’t. don’t get me wrong I do love her a lot but I’m not in love with her. She’s my best friend and I think I just got confused. I have no romantic feelings for her whatsoever, but she is my favourite person to be around. Now, this friend almost told her I loved her but luckily, I stopped my friend before any damage could be done. You see I’d rather die than have her know what delusional thoughts were conjuring up in my head a couple of months ago because I fear that would break our friendship or at least fracture it.

There’s this guy she likes and honestly, he is all wrong for her, he is not a very nice person in my opinion but obviously, you can imagine what would happen if I were to try and tell her that, I don’t think she'd care much for my opinion at all. Although she has expressed her thoughts about some of my suitors which I did not appreciate. If I were to give her advice though, it would not be to stop going after him but it would be to just talk to him, she’s such an amazing girl yet her confidence is so low. If she only gained the courage to talk to him then he would see how fantastic she is and if he doesn’t see that then he’s blind.

She is the best friend I have ever had and nobody has ever actually listened nor cared about what I had to say. To be completely honest she has literally kept me alive this year. You saved me from myself.