Memo from God

MEMORANDUM

 

TO:  The Human Race

RE:  Important Life Lessons

FROM:  Your Creator

 

Dear Mankind:

 

I know that you’re all pretty young right now.  In fact, you probably can’t even read this yet, since you’re still swinging through the trees, eating termites, and flinging your poo.  But one day, I have high hopes that you will evolve, and develop things like language and reasoning skills, so I’m sending out this memo so you’ll understand that YES, I am Out Here, and YES, I DO have some Basic Rules to live by.

 

First �" you need to understand that you are not a solitary creature.  I actually made you to need other people.  (Which may be tricky at times, ‘cause you guys are capable of being real a******s.)  Still, learning to get along is going to be important to you, so here are a few tips:

 

Step One

If you want to have a friend, you need to BE a friend.  Don’t just take the banana.  Share the banana. 

 

Next, learn to say “please” and “thank-you.”  Everyone really likes that; even Me.

 

Step Two

By the time you’re able to read this, you should have learned a few things about the order of your world.  Everything in nature that WORKS does so because it works TOGETHER.  The lone wolf who hunts alone gets eaten.  Jot it down.

 

Step Three

Your brain is in your head, which is higher from the ground and therefore closer to heaven.  THINK before you act.  There’s a reason your brain is in your head instead of your a*s.

 

Step Four

The above are just the basics.  I know you’ll have lots of other questions along the way, but we’ll just have to address those as they come along.  However, as you evolve, you’re probably going to have one BIG QUESTION, and that’s about LOVE. 

 

Love, love, love.  You’ll never fully understand it, because honestly, like the Concept of Me, it’s really too big for you to wrap your brain totally around.  But I’m going to put it as simply as I can.

 

Let’s say life is a board game, and reaching Me is the Finish Line.  Everybody starts off with a “bank” of cards; although nobody is dealt the same amount.  Some people will only have 2 or 3; others will have 20.   (I did not say it was “fair.”)

 

These cards will consist of things like personality, family, education, financial status, and talents.  But EVERYONE will get a FREE WILL card, and how you use THAT is going to be important.  If you use your FREE WILL card wisely, you will be able to gain more and better cards for your bank.  Unwisely, and you will lose your cards �" no matter how many you started with.

 

“Love” will be the Bonus squares you land on along the way, and every time you land on one (and use your FREE WILL wisely), you’ll get a GIFT, such as joy, happiness, friendship, wisdom, etc. 

 

Oh, sure, you’re going to land on things like Personal Crisis, Debt, Self-Doubt, tragedy and all that jazz.  That’s part of the game, and how you use your FREE WILL on them really matters.  But the love squares are IMPORTANT.  They have words like “kindness”, “loyalty”, “sincerity”, and “truth,” “personal integrity,” etc. on them.  There are service cards, tenacity cards, and self-sacrifice cards, family cards, and friendship cards.  You’ll want to collect as many of these �" and lose as FEW of these as possible along the way.

 

Just so you know:  LOVE is the OBJECT OF THE GAME. 

 

Please understand that every time you go through Personal Crisis or Turmoil and you trade in one of your LOVE cards to get you out, you will lose a point.  However, you may have a few opportunities to gain your points back if you land on Squares marked “repentence,” and “forgiveness.”  And if you play your cards right, you may just end up on the square marked “enlightenment” and earn a bonus round.

 

NOTE:  I know this is going to be shocking, but this is important.  When you get to the end, IT DOESN’T MATTER HOW MUCH MONEY YOU HAVE. 

 

Now that you have all the basics to get you started, there is only one more thing you need to know.  Somewhere along the line, you may draw a life or death card.  You may have roughly 75-90 years to play.  You may have an hour.

 

In any case, if you’re reading this memo, you’re already playing.  Good luck.

 

GOD