Don’t
we all face this? I realized that I always keep all the thoughts bottled up
inside me. I show the world I am happy and now my own personality is a mystery
to me. All this time I was spreading happiness among my family and friends. I
started assuming I am happy and a carefree person. I am mostly the one who does
not really involve in conversations. I am a listener. I respond when the time
comes and I make sense. But then you’re sitting stiff, on your bed, surrounded
by piles of white bed sheets and that’s the time when all your thoughts flash
back. You realize how haunted and wrong you've been about yourself, whole of
this time. You had misconceptions. You were never carefree. Each bit mattered
to you whether it was a four year old boy calling you fat, or your teacher
telling you to behave properly. You showed the world you were carefree, but you
actually thought about each and everything all the time. It mattered to you,
every bit of it.
Sadness
seeps through your skin and starts taking place inside your body likes piles of
sand dunes in a lone desert. They keep on placing themselves inside you. This
makes you stiff, frustrated, arrogant and what not. You feel exhausted and you
finally break down, crying your heart out in the middle of night with no one to
share how you feel. Lugubrious is your new favorite word.
Then
you think about talking this to your friends. But then you realize that you’re
afraid to tell how you feel to the world. You want them to assume that you’re
like fire in a dark place, ignited after years. Like daisies in hot summer,
brewing through the hot lands. But you know, you’re just a broken-discolored
autumn leaf and a storm brewing in a cold midnight breeze.
Remember
the time you told yourself that, “At some point of time, all things make
sense.” Now listen to me, ‘the things’ never make sense, whether you are
fourteen, twenty-eight or thirty-five. This world is muddled up. Sit, be still and look at the stars, see the simplicity of life and now look at your feet. See how more curious universe can be. You have to remember that the hard days are what make you stronger and the bad days make you realize what a good day is. Don’t think about how to survive your life. The
more you think the puzzled you are. Just breathe. Forget about sorrows, for a
while. Live like it’s the last day. Understand, that life always comes up with
different situations which are abstruse to handle. You stumble, you fall, cry
for nights, break into pieces, your body piled with abundance of sadness but
gradually you recover, pick yourself up, gather your senses, let the pile of
sadness let go your body. You are too tired to be sad all the time. You even
start loving your ‘usual’ life which you found ‘boring’ before.
You
don’t need someone to make you happy, honey. You are like the ocean, thirty
eight thousand deep. One cannot just judge you by the surface. There are parts
of you indiscoverable and unnoticeable. You are an ignited fire flame in dark,
a perfect picture of wonders of nature. A detailed book. A ship sailing in the sunset.
A figment of universe. You are a whole spring in yourself. From being a Belladonna flower you are a Narcissus. A figment of universe. An ignited cigarette. An incipient fire. The first dew drop of a cold morning. Someone looks upon you as an inspiration. Don't be woebegone because you, my friend are masterpiece.
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