Ode to my Temptress

NEW VERSION:

I am yours.

So, be still ensnaring enchantress
don't beckon me

with come hither glances

a slip of skin

Ah, the wafting of your exquisite scent

is already pulling me in.

I am yours.

So, I know you well
wily seductress:
gilded gold 
are your 
glimmering ghosts
of promises

Like a drunkard 

I dance to your siren's call

you're an orchestra written for me

so each note hits true--

it's mark.

I am yours.

So, without fail

you always entice
your deceit never dampens 

my fervor and my need 
I always return.

your bright neon lights

are blinding brilliant flames

I hover like a moth

around your floating golden granules 

of pollen

I am a bee.

I am yours.

So you do me in

titillate, tantalize, enervate
but never
satisfy the hunger you
evoke from 
glinting meretricious eyes

Metallic and shimmery wrappers

empty 
mirror the hole

of a mind's abyss
caught in a web of want

I am yours.

My temptress.

I am yours.  

Even when I find you gone
at first light of sun.

OLD VERSION:

Be still ensnaring enchantress
don't beckon me 'come hither'
as though I were a suckling babe

I know you well
wily seductress 
gilded gold 
are your 
glimmering ghosts
of promises

without fail
you always entice
but you're deceitful 
and at each turn you decry

the bright neon lights
poison minds
and we fall into your 
inviting arms that 
titillate, tantalize, ennervate
but never
satisfy the hunger you
evoke from 
sparkling meretricious eyes
empty wrappers
nothing to fill the holes
of a mind's abyss
caught in a web of want

only to find you gone
at first light of 

sun

(burning truth on
the deserted city).

Oh anything but you

they scream around me

temptress, you are irresistable

they call out already lost

felling piety to the floor

spurning truth 

leaving wits at the door

Author's Note

There was always something bothering me about this poem. I think I get influenced by modern writers and try to write like them. But I don't think I have that ability. So, I have decided to redo the poem in something closer to my original thought and style. Left the original underneath, and have added a newer version. Which is better?

Reviews

[Wuji]

I truly loved this part the most:

gilded gold
are your
glimmering ghosts
of promises

[zainul]

Great write.
Reflects your annoyance perfectly.

[Chris]

accept it as it is...reinventing a thought flow so seldom happens. Sometimes you can return and continue in a new direction with something that feels similar.