Thoughts

A Poem by Monee

This isn’t a poem; I don’t know what this is. I was half asleep when I wrote it. It has everything and nothing in it.

I’m tall
I learned to like cigarettes
I bite my necklace for comfort like my dad
Everything I like feels embarrassing
I can’t seem to exist within myself
Baby bangs are calling my name
I want eyebrows
I hate wanting, it feels disgusting
Math makes me cry
Big numbers anger me
I don’t understand science
I like to write
I never share my writing
I’m fat
I never call
I am a horrible person
I’m loud when I’m nervous or scared
I can’t be myself around others
I wear glasses
I have a semicolon tattoo, that I did myself
I never had a crush
I don’t understand how love works
I think we can choose who we love
What the hell is a “cube root”
My body is super weird shaped
I’m scared of being a mom
I want to be a mother
I have maternal love in me, I can feel it in my very bones
I’d be a bad mom
I miss being small with my brother
I want somebody to be proud of me
My face is lopsided
“I’m not afraid of you now. Villain and violent, infant and innocent. Baby, both arms cradle you now”
I definitely picked the wrong school
I don’t think I could ever live alone
I need my mom
I call my mom at least 10 times a day
I don’t understand how to pay bills
I know what to do if you get stabbed in the eye
I see a lot of my dad in me
I fear I’m just a waste of good skin
I’ve ruined my skin
My voice is annoying
I never want to have sex
What even is romance
What if I really was someone else
Can god even hear me
Is god even there
I hate my teeth
I’ve got a crooked smile
Great British bake off
Does a lifetime of love need to leave evidence
I like alcohol, the burn of it
I like the fire, the burn of it
The word ‘beekeeper’ upsets me
Stars
Lunchtime is sad
Little miss mysterious bruises
I question everything
‘Why’ is always lingering in my throat
I’m feeling funny
There is something living inside of me, it’s trying to crawl out. Maybe that’s where the bruises are coming from
I cry when I’m angry
Apple pie ice cream is amazing
I like flaws, but only on other people
I’m a coward
My skin is pale
I made a lot of mistakes
Desire is ugly
I’m very boring and unpleasant