Style Points

Just a guy giving props where props are due.

They almost charged me with my dad’s death, almost. I told them I didn’t do it, told them that if I did I would have hung him by his toes, craved the name of every person he tortured into his skin, and then set him on fire so he could scream like they did. This guy, this guy decided to be creative, which gets him some style points from me. That dude dragged my dad across the entire country, lopping off little bits and pieces of the monster and leaving them at all the important landmarks. A finger taped to the side of the Seattle Space Needle in Washington, Abraham Lincoln got a big toe in his lap in D.C., and Dad’s nose got to be tacked to the world’s largest ball of twine in Kansas. Somehow, he was alive to the very end, all the way up to his head being chucked through Mr. President's window.

Author's Note

I wrote this for a contest, and it was pretty fun! Remember that anything helps and I hope you enjoy the story at least a little bit!!

Reviews

[mickeroo]

Whoa! Very graphic. I'd be interested to know what the father did to deserve something like that.

The one piece of criticism comes from the end. When I read "Mr. President" I think of THE President (like, of the US), as I'm sure most people do. I just can't imagine someone being able to run up on the lawn of the White House with a severed head and getting close enough to throw it through a window. Even if it was a car window, he wouldn't get close to the motorcade. If the story was totally ridiculous, that would be fine. The problem is that the murderer's actions, while extreme, are believable up to that point. In other words, for the first five sentences, I can read this and imagine it actually happened. However, when I get to the last, I can't suspend my disbelief anymore. In fact, it's great just up to the last three words.

I know it might look like a negative review, but it was really just a long description of one thing. Overall, I liked the story, and I appreciate the creativity behind it, especially the torture process.

Definitely in the top three contenders for the contest.

[Alice Poppy]

Thanks a lot, I'll work on picking a more believable closing sentence should I ever do something like this again!!!

[Corey12345]

Woah im not just saying this because you said mine was good but your is very good. I love the use of description and the back story on how her/his father met their demise. I really like how i can picture the character and get an extensive idea on their personality. Defiantly going to be tough competition in this contest but you may very well likely take home gold.

[Alice Poppy]

Hey, thanks man! I was really worried I used too much description and not enough story here, good luck on your certain victory!!