Just Letting It Out...

The beginnings of spring seem a unnatural occurrence.

The Blooms Came In Without Me This Year.

How can this be? I am still a youthful 40 something. Yet I feel the sun coming in to ravage me. My body is wilting with a hurt that seems odd. How can this be? 

I have experienced death before, burned alive you see. And, even though I was scorched until my meat was accosted and my skin was all but gone, I left it only to be returned by God. And for all of my external scars, I was beautiful. 

How can this be? I keep asking you see. I found love and despite the odds I carried five children to term. All of them healthy, and beautiful beyond even my belief at the time. They have all grown, I left their father to save them from his debauchery. He loved them and truth be told he loved me, but just not enough. 

I become sick through the years, it was once cancer and now it is my immune system attacking me one million cells at a time. I even remarried and now that seems to be held by enough air to whisper how I love him still. 

My energy is all gone. My will has seemed to wither with depression. 

I dare not believe I am lovable enough to have love from myself. And yes, I wonder if he loves me enough. His mind is elsewhere, where does the love go? I have never in my life felt so alone.  

Sometimes I wish the Lord would come take me home. I will wait until he does.          

  

Author's Note

Not everyday is this bad. Ill be okay.