Walk Away

The hope is one unspoken

The sounds uncleans and broken

These words do not make any sense

To me

 

Hear this and get worried

With a fear of those unhurried

Will it get your pulses racing

If you hear my pulse

It's failing

 

Listen to me

Been dropping hints all week

It's too cliche

But I can't make my way

There is no one here

 

Hear me when I say

You are too far away

And the life that you lead

Will be perfect without me

 

It's just too cliche

But I can't make my way

'Cuz there is no one here

And I can't help but fear

That the echo will near

And you will just walk

Away

Reviews

[Sydney Rachel]

Wow. Jennie, this is amazing. I especially love the second stanza. And I absolutely love how you manage to string words together to make the point sometimes awfully clear, and at others, quite vague.

[sammyj]

I like this

[Coyote Poetry]

The internal battle and conversation made the poem strong. I could feel the sadness and letting go in your words. No easy way to separate a relationship. A powerful ending to a excellent poem.
Coyote

[Jonathan Ballam]

This seems to be a monologue of sorts. Although I'd suggest you weed out the rhyme at some stage, so perhaps the reader can see the stones in the path that's too frightening and cliche.

Writers often start on a great idea and feel the urge to 'wrap it all up' in the last stanza. Try and allow a little ambiguity seep into your words and your feelings.

Sometimes I look at my own poem and try to imagine it (with out the last two lines - that being my own general rule of thumb). If I can then I need to edit it, if I can't I still need to wait a while.

[SimplyDisastrous]

I don't understand the point this poem is trying to make but I like the sound of it. And the rhyming scheme. Good write, Jen (: