Part Two: Starving For Love

Part One is already posted please read it first!

    

     Sadie sat in her poetry class Monday morning filled with dread. The class had to write a poem about love. She had struggled with this assignment from the day the teacher assigned it. 

     "Miss. Powell, you may begin the class with your poem," Mr Bentley informed.

     Sadie nervously walked to the front of the class. She began to read:

What Is Love?

Can someone tell me?

Is love being with someone special?

Is it a good feeling

or

Is it a bad feeling?

What is love?

Can someone tell me?

Is it when a mom and dad hold their new born 

for the first time?

Cuddling it with tender loving care?

or

Is it hateful words and hitting?

People taunting you to shame?

What is love?

Can someone explain?

For I have never been loved.

Is love for everyone?

Can someone explain?

What is love?

 

     Sadie tried to hold back the tears, but they fell freely down her face. James stood outside the class room door, his own eyes misty with tears. He wanted to go to her, but feared he would only make it worse. Sadie walked back to her seat with her head down.

     "Who would love you the way you look!" Someone shouted.

     Sadie raced from the room knocking James off his feet once again. He looked up at her and grinned. "We've got to stop meeting like this."

     She didn't want him to see her cry, but her emotions flowed right out of her. He helped her up. He guided her out to the bright sunshine. Her shoulders shook as she cried. James didn't say a word. Sadie finally pulled away, embarrassed. "Do you want to be seen with a fat girl like me?" She asked heatedly.

     James sat and tried to collect the right words to say. He didn't want to say the wrong thing again. God he wished his sister was around. She would know what to do. "I'm Ja---"

     Sadie cut in, "I know who you are, you're James Brewer."

     "how do you know my name?" He grinned showing his pearly whites.

     "I'm good with names," she murmured.

     "So you just happen to remember my name?"

     "Watch out for the swelling head," she shouted.

     They both laughed. "Can we please start over?" James asked, with begging eyes.

     "I don't know," Sadie whispered. She wanted to get to know James. No she needed to get to know him. For once, she wanted to fit into this world. She wanted to be close to someone. She liked James. But could she trust him? Did he see her as repugnant? She took a deep breath. "I'm Sadie Powell," she finally said. she would worry about rejection later.

     "Can we do something tonight or the weekend?" He asked nervously.

     Sadie wanted to go out with him. Could she pull it off without making a fool out of herself? "I would love to do something this weekend," she smiled.

     James didn't know what to say next. What would she want to do? He was scared to say go out and eat. They could go to the movies, but popcorn was involved there. He took a deep breath. "What would you like to do?"

     Sadie was scared. She didn't know what to say. He most likely wanted to go out to eat. James waited patiently, not wanting to rush her into anything. She could handle going out to eat. She would eat like any normal person then politely excuse herself to go throw up. If, that didn't work out she could still purge when she got home.  She could also take some laxatives before going to bed, it's not as if she sleeps that much.

     "How about we go out for pizza?" She noticed his shocked expression.

     "Pizza would be great, and why don't I invite my twin sister Jamie and her boyfriend Keith." That might make her feel more at ease. And it didn't hurt that Jamie would be there for help if he needed it.

     Sadie was excited about this date. "could I invite my roommate Tilly and her boyfriend Kevin?" She asked shyly.

     "The more the merry."

 *******************************************************************

     Sadie woke early Saturday morning after a restless night. She had almost broken the date, but Tilly refused to let her. James, Jamie with her boyfriend Keith had come over Wednesday night to watch a movie and to grill hamburgers. Everyone had hit it off well. Sadie had tried to hide out in the kitchen away from everyone, but none of them would allow it. She kept wondering when something would go wrong. Friday afternoon James had taken her to meet his parents. Sadie had been mesmerized how James and Jamie got alone with their parents. Mr. and Mrs. Brewer had treated them with such kindness. So this is what a family is, she had thought to herself.

     That afternoon she went to her room to get ready. She wanted to look her best. She tried on several outfits, which ended up on the floor. To her everything seemed too tight. Sadie sat down on her bed in tears. 

     Tilly came to her bedroom door. "What's the matter?" She asked as she entered the room.

      "I'm not going."

     "Oh yes you are!" Tilly shouted.

     "I don't have anything to wear," Sadie sobbed.

     Tilly looked at Sadie's clothes. "What about this?" She asked, holding up a Capri set.

     "It's too tight!" Sadie shouted. "Everything is too tight," she added, throwing herself across the bed.

     Tilly knew that couldn't be true. Nothing fit because it was too big, but she didn't dare say that. Tilly wanted to help Sadie, but didn't know how. Tilly had talked with a therapies on Sadie's behalf, but the stupid therapies thought Tilly was the one wanting help.

     "Why don't we go check out my closet?"

     Sadie sat up and wiped her face. "You wouldn't mind?"

     They walked into Tilly's room. Sadie sat on the edge of the bed wringing her hands. Tilly pulled out one outfit after another knowing each one would hang on Sadie's thin figure. Sadie finally settled on a knee length dress that could be tied at the shoulders. Sadie looked in the mirror. She couldn't stand the way she looked. She was pudgy in the face, and her thighs looked enormous not to mention her belly.

     She was about to chicken out when she heard Kevin yell, "There here ladies, hustle your butts!"

     Tilly walked toward the bedroom door. Sadie backed away. "I can't do this," she said breathlessly.

     Tilly walked toward her and gently shoved her toward the door. "you can and you will," she ordered.

     "Just go without me," Sadie begged.

     "Not a chance,"  Tilly murmured. "Now come on before I get the rest of them to haul you out," she whispered.

     "You wouldn't do that," Sadie pouted.

     "Do you want to try me?"

*******************************************************************

     The pizza parlor was crowed. They walked in and found a booth in the far back. Sadie had wanted to sit on the outside, but she was crammed in the middle. James sensed Sadie's nervousness. He laid a hand on top of hers and squeezed gently. They ordered one extra large supreme pizza and two orders of bread sticks. Sadie was beginning to enjoy the camaraderie when the food arrived. Sadie felt paralyzed. Everyone continued to eat and talk, not paying her any attention. Finally, she took a bread stick and nibbled on it. She had to admit it was delicious. Before she knew what had happen she had eaten four bread sticks and five slices of pizza. Her face heated with shame.

     "I-I-I-I," she stuttered.

     Everyone looked her way.

     "What's wrong?' James asked even though he already knew.

     Sadie took a deep breath. "Nothing," she whispered.

     They all went to James house for dessert. Sadie took a bite of her pie with chocolate ice cream. She was mortified at how much she had eaten. No wonder her parents hated her. The sound of her mother snorting sent her to her feet. Everyone stared at her.

     "Honey, are you ok?" Asked Mrs. Brewer.

     "I need to use the bathroom."

     Jamie stood up. "No you don't," she said calmly.

     "Excuse me? I think I know when I need to use the bathroom," Sadie said harshly.

     "I'm Jamie---"

     "What is it with you Brewer kids? I know who you are," she cried.

     Jamie said. "Humor me," she began again. "I'm Jamie and I have anorexia nervosa, and I'm bulimic."

     "What do you want me to say? Hello Jamie I love you," she said sarcastically.

     "Sadie, we want to help you," James whispered.

     "Why, because I'm fat? Because I'm useless? Because you think you can make me more loveable?" She slumped to the floor.

     Jamie knelt down beside her. "None of the above. At one time in your life maybe you were over weight, but now you're too thin, you're killing yourself little by little."

     "Why do any of you care?" She cried. "My own mom and dad hated me because I was born, and I was fat!" She exclaimed. "You'll change your minds about me!"

     James took Sadie's hands. "Love is someone helping each other. Love can be just being together. Sometimes it can hurt, but most of the time it's out of this world." He held her tight. "Let us show you love," he whispered.

     Sadie looked at everyone. She got to her feet. "I'm Sadie Powell, and I have anorexia nervosa, I'm also bulimic."

     Everyone gathered around. "We love you Sadie," they said in unison.

 

 

 

 

Will love be enough to pull Sadie Through? Find out in part 3: The Journey

 

    

    

 

Author's Note

Tell me what you think!

Reviews

[SoulCrusader (Yas)]

A gripping chapter...so much emotion and insight and really shows us the inner beliefs and context of the whole situation...exceptional!!!