Part One Of Starving For Love

Sadie has never been loved by no one, not even her parents. She had always been fat and picked on until she started starving herself to become thin and to be loved.

     Sadie sat up in bed drenched in a cold sweat.  She trembled as she tried to put the nightmare away, to put it back to sleep.  She covered her ears with her hands, trying to drowned out the voices within her head.  "Fatty, fatty two-four cannot fit through the bathroom door!" Some nights she would just stay awake to keep from dreaming.  She got out of bed and began to pace the floor.  She felt dread as the memories of her childhood flooded her mind.  She didn't want to remember, she wanted to forget.  She remembered coming home from school crying because the other kids kept calling her names, fat names.  She had came home in tears. 

     Her mom had been in the kitchen sipping a glass of wine.  "What's wrong with you?"

     Sadie hadn't wanted to tell her mom anything.  She knew that her mom wouldn't care at all.  She knew all too well how her parents felt about her.  In their eyes she was a mistake that should never have happened.  She would have been aborted but her mom was to for along to have it done.  She had often wondered why they hadn't put her up for adoption.  She had asked her mom why they had kept her, and her mom had told her after all the pain she had went through with having her she wasn't going anywhere.

     "You wouldn't care," Sadie had cried.

     Her mom had placed a caring look on her face and said, "try me."

     Sadie had sat down next to her mom, and ended up being more humiliated. "Everyone at school is making fat jokes at me," she had sobbed.

     Even now Sadie can see the smile curve her mother's lips.  "Well my dear, I hate to break it to you, but you are fat!" Her mom had gone off into a peal of laughter. Then snorted like a pig in Sadie's face.

     Her dad had walked into the kitchen, grabbed a beer from the refrigerator.  "What's so funny?"

     "Your daughter is upset because the kids at school is making fat jokes at her," she giggled.

     "Don't ever call her my daughter again," he ranted. Then, he smiled.  "Did you break the news and tell her it is true?"

     Sadie had ran from the room crying uncontrollable.  That day she had promised herself she would become thin if it was the last thing she did.  She had tried numerous diets, but nothing had worked until she started throwing up her food.  She remembered her first time to throw up her food.  She had come home from a horrible day at school, walking into the kitchen she had grorged on cookies, ice cream and doughnuts. The stress had immmediatly left her body.  Sadie knew without a doubt that she could never give up food, her best friend.  Food was her release from pain.  She had walked into the bathroom, looked at her plump features in the mirror, kneeled down in front of the toilet and made herself vomit. She did this everytime after she ate, and the weight started melting off.  Sadie finally felt in control of her life.

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     Sadie walked over to the full-length mirror and viewed her figure.  In her eyes she saw an over weight girl.  In reality she was thin as a rail.  Her bones bulged out, her eyes are sunken in.  She stepped on the scales and peered down, it read one hundred pounds even.  No matter how much weight she lost it was never enough.  Maybe she hoped she would loose enough to fade away.  She knew she wouldn't go back to sleep so she walked out the bedroom, trying to be quite so she wouldn't wake up Tilly her roomate and her boyfriend Kevin who offten spent weekends over.  She walked into the darken kitchen, immediately the refrigerator beckened her.  She opened the door and her stomach gurgled with delight as the chocolate cheesecake came into view.  Sadie didn't even bother with a plate or fork, she just scooped a handful and crammed into her mouth.

     The kitchen light came on.  "Are you o:k?" tilly asked as she walked up behind Sadie.  Sadie tried to hurry and swallow, but didn't make it.  "My God Sadie, if you're going to binge like that at least you could use your matters and use a plate and fork."

     Sadie's face redden with shame.  She hurried from the kitchen with Tilly on her heels.  "I'm sorry," she managed to cry.

     She slammed her bedroom door and headed to the bathroom.  She could hear tilly's pleas' from the bedroom door.  Sadie bent over the toilet and vomit.  She forced her fingers down her throat several times to be sure she got it all out.  Throwing up wasn't enough, she needed to go jogging.  She dressed in some sweats and headed out, inoring Tilly's cries of sorry.

     The early morning air was cool and damp after the nights rain storm.  She started off in a nice slow steady pace, picking up speed as she went.  She was jogging so hard and fast that she plowed into a guy.  She landed right on top of him.  Sadie rolled over onto the ground, feeling the wetness seep into her sweats.

     James got to his feet.  He held out his hand to help her up.  She looked at it a moment before accepting his help. Her breath caught in her throat as she looked at him.  Tall dark and handsome to boot was her reaction to him, but quickly recovered.  He would never think someone like me attractive, she thought to herself.

     "Are you o:k, miss?" His voice was deep like a bass singer.

     She lowered her gaze.  "I should be asking you that since I was the one who plowed you over," she murmured.

     "You can make it up to me over breakfast," he offered.  He instantly noticed how her body tensed up.  He knew the signs all to well, she was suffering with anorexia nervosa and possibly bulimia.  He had been around it long enough to know when someone was battling with the disease.  His twin sister Jamie was now recovering, but each day was a constant struggle to survive.

     "I'm J-J-"

     "I know who you are," she said.  "Your James Brewer."

     A sudden feeling of excitement went through him.  She knew his name.  She wasn't unattractive.  Her eyes were a deep shade of blue with specks of green.  Even though her eyes were sunk in they lit up her face.  She was nothing but skin and bones, but her figure could be transformed into something beautiful.  Her brownish hair framed her thin face and flowed passed her shoulders.

     "How do you know my name?" He asked.

     A smile curved her lips.  "Watch out for the swelling head!" She shouted.  "We go to the same college, and I happened to be in the library and heard someone yell your name," she explained.

     He grinned.  "So you just happen to remember my name? How sweet is that?" He teased.

     "Don't get all sappy on me, I'm good with names," she said.  "I had better get back to my exercise," she added.

     "Wait I don't know your name," he said, trying to keep up with her. "Whew! What's the rush?" He gasped.

     "Sadie Powell," she told him.  The faster you jog the more calories you burn, there for the more weight I will loose," she added.

     James stared in disbelief. She actually thought she was fat.  This disease played on the victims mind.  Looking in a mirror most likely she sees herself fat.  This disease was cruel, not only to the person who has it but to the people close to them. 

     "But your---"

     "I know I'm fat!"  Sadie's temper flared.  "You can stop starring at me!" she screamed.

     James was caught off gaurd by her sudden out burst. "Wait a minute," he said calmly.

     "Just leave me alone," she cried.

     James felt awful.  He knew better than to stare.  He watched helplessly as she jogged on as if she was running a marathon trying to reach the finish line. James watched until she faded out of view, he turned and headed in the direction he had come from thinking of Sadie Powell all the way home.

 

 

WILL JAMES BE GIVEN THE CHANCE TO MAKE AMENDS TO SADIE?  AND HELP HER SEE THAT SHE NEEDS HELP?

FIND OUT IN PART TWO: STARVING FOR LOVE, COMING SOON!

 

    

        

    

Author's Note

Never do what this young lady did to loose weight!!! Anorexia Nervosa and Bulimia are serious diseases! Please seek help. I've never had the disease, but know someone who has. It doesn't only hurt the one who has it but people close to them as well.

Reviews

[Star Wolf]

Anorexia nervosa is a very harsh illness to have. The situation today for suffers seems better since the illness is so much in the press with the endless stream of celebrities having the illness like its a rite of passage in Hollywood or something. I just read a story about someone suffering the disease back in the 70s when it wasn't so common as now and a lot harder to get treatment. This is awesome and I enjoyed reading it. I can't wait for the next installment.

[Raven Starhawk]

This is uniquely heartfelt and summons a great issue many face in today's world. It is often a sort of forced thing as it seems to be the need to thing since the portrayal of beauty is usually of rail thin models who are in no way healthy by any means. This was a great piece. It has so much to ponder on.

[Shep]

Can't wait to read part two. J was drawn in to this story. Nicely done.

[Krystal Nicole]

I really like this story. Cant wait to read more

[Coyote Poetry]

You can tell a story. A strong story. A lot of situations and unfinished actions. The people in your world can be cold. Sometime need a hard shell of protection to be safe. A strong ending to a excellent story.
Coyote

[Jeff]

Very touching story. A great emotional read.

[Tina Kline]

This is really great. Very sad and tragic in the beginning but with hope of love and maybe healing when it leaves off at. This story really pulled me in. Hoping for the best for her!

[Wolf's Dark Song]

This is really good. I'd like more of her story that bridges her teenage years to her adult years. I'm glad you're having part 2 however and look forward to reading it.

[Tasha]

wow, this was soo good and so sad at the same time. i've never had any of these diseases but we have talked about them at school and some survivors of these diseases came to talk to us. sorry im rambling. you did an outstanding job... i can't wait to see what happens next.