Emotional Roller Coaster

A young lady is drowning in emotions.

 

Anger surges through her like a hurricane,

treading on the open sea,

destroying anything in its path.

People stay away from her.

Her fury is hurting herself and others.

 

Sadness washes over her like a spring

rain storm washing the earth.

Gray clouds hover above.

There's no sun to dry her tears.

Why is she so sad?

 

Hoplessness settles in the pit of her stomach.

Her heart freezes up like a winter freezes a lake.

She's on an emotional roller coaster,

spiraling  out of control.

What happened to her?

 

She looks at the divorce papers.

Anger flutters to life.

Sadness so deep inside her,

she feels as if she's drowning.

Hopelessness grows stronger each second.

 

She looks in the mirror, shocked at what she sees.

Frown lines replace the smile she once wore.

Bright shiney eyes no longer sparkle, but are dim.

All the emotions churning inside her, the one she wants

the most is happiness.

 

With a shakey hand she signs her name to

the divorce papers, places them along with her

wedding ring in an envelope.

Sealing closed one chapter of her life.

She sighs, knowing that when one door

closes another will open.

She prays it will bring happiness.

 

 

Author's Note

Something I worked on today, while my children naped! Please let me know what you think! Honesty please!

Reviews

[Cherrie Palmer]

lots of Imagery great write lots power

[Frank F. Atanacio]

I can feel the fury in the words-- a very thought out piece of sadness... nice job of expression written here, and details followed flawlessly Frank

[Fegger]

Having had personal experience in such event, I spent some time, here, mulling over this piece. Inasmuch as we may all respond differently to this 'event', it's probably prudent of me to defer commenting upon the emotional criteria and simply look at it structurally.

The stimuli that effects the 'turn' of the poem (presentation of divorce papers) is a little soft. Seldom is anyone really blindsided by receipt of these papers as there are many draining events that precede the papers. Although the decree is symbolic, the damage was documented long before. Some of the metaphors seemed too demonstrative or impertinent and actually drew attention away from the inherent feelings/hardship. In particular, the hurricane in an open sea doesn't do a lot of damage to the water, does it? Should the hurricane make landfall, well, that's different; but that was not stated.

Also, you need to conjugate 'happen' differently. The repetition of 'happiness' and 'hopelessness' were probably unnecessary as they didn't explore anything novel, different or assess a change.

This 'visionary' narrative would do much better in a short story or as a 'scene' that develops a character in a longer prose piece--that's my feeling, anyway.

[Poeticadia]

I like the use of the elements to describe the full extent of the speakers turmoil. And holding back the reason for her condition until the fourth stanza creates a great sense of suspense rarely achieved in poetry. Great narrative poem.

[Jeff]

It shows a great amount of emotional depth. Wonderful poem.

[Goodbye]

This is really, really high-quality. I really feel this pivotal moment in her life, how it rips you apart, and you don't know if you'll ever get it all together.

Excellent work!

[NoneOfYourBusiness akaK..]

emotional trip through the mind of one whose very outlook has been altered by the ending of a marriage~ your exploration of the turmoil and attitude shifts manifesting through the physical aspects is excellently translated into poetic form~

[Bridget Mcmaken]

wow this is very sad but it shows a great point of view. This is wonderful poem, very sad. Great right really, it flows nicely.

[Nothing Personal]

An universal emotional ride before an impending divorce. Enjoyed all the natural examples you used to describe the emotions...There are minor grammar issues you could correct. But its real. So many people have to go through this. The pangs, the hope that she could tear those documents and life would be normal again..And more realistically, hope that things will get better...Well written. I would advice you to block more time to write....because its good and we want to read more of this..
P:S No dishonest reviewing ;-)... A comment to your Author;s note

[closed]

When I read this, I felt as If I were married and getting a divorce lol ^ You're so good at captivating your audience, and the color blue (my favorite color) lent the poem its edge^

well written^


-Dream