What We Used To Be

A COUPLE GROWN APART TRYING TO RECAPTURE THEIR LOVE!

 

Who are you?

We used to know each

other so well,

but now we've grown apart

we don't even recognize each other

 

We used to be so close

you  used to be

my friend, my confidant,my everything

now we're more like enemies

all we do is fight

 

Do you ever ask yourself

Who I am?

we  used to say loving words

to each other but now all

our words do is cut each other

to the bone, leaving our blood

spilling out on the floor

 

Can we get back what we had?

What we used to be?

my insides crumble like an earthquake

at the thought of losing you

 

With my head hung down ,

tears spilling from my eyes

I stretch my hand out toward you,

hoping you won't turn away

that would be my undoing

 

As I raise my head toward you

my eyes grow wide as I see

your hand out stretched to

we clasped hands and stare at

each other, promising to get back

what we used to be

 

 

 

 

Author's Note

Had alittle hard time with commas and such! so any help will be nice!

Reviews

[Norma M Sutton]

The only thing that really stood out for me was you used want, like I want to sleep, for won't which is the contraction for will not? I think, it's been a while lol
"hoping you want turn away"

[Jeff]

Good work. It flows well, and it has twist compared to most poems of this nature.

[NoneOfYourBusiness akaK..]

I do like the fluidity~it moves so smoothly from line to line~

[Mauricio Montoya]

Some fining tuning, otherwise great job.

[Poetic Beauty]

next to last stanza it should be won't not want. Just a minor typo. This whole poem weeps with loneliness and frustration and with a hopefulness of being able to fix the broken love, the broken heart.

[Wondering Mind]

I seldom use commas myself, but this flowed well as it is.
Sometimes it's hard to "get back" to that special time, but I'm sure it's always worth the wondering.

[Goodbye]

Might need just a little polishing, but the imagery, the idea is lovely and the ending was unexpected.

[HopelesslyDevoted]

i'm taken back by the beauty of this poem. nice job! so much feeling!

[CompellingComposer]

Very relatable. Very good. Keep writing!

[SpokenWord]

This had a smooth read throughout like he was talking directly to us. The intent and feelings were drawn out nicely within his desire to return to a better time with her. I didn't notice the commas because the read went good so it must be perfect :).

You did a great job with this poem it really is good!