Running From Danger

AVA NELSON IS A SUPER MODEL WHO HAS EVERY THING GOING FOR HER UNTIL SOME CRAZED STALKER GETS AFTER HER.

     Ava Nelson sat in a cabin hidden from all civilization, but her mind was back in New York at her apartment.  She had just gotten home from a photo shoot, took a hot steamy shower.  She had wrapped herself in a large fluffy towel, and headed to the kitchen for something  cold to drink.  The package was on the sofa with a note written on swan stationary.  The note read:  HELLO MY BEAUTIFUL SWAN I'M COMING FOR YOU. I'M TOO CLOSE FOR COMFORT AREN'T I? WHEN I SAW YOUR SILHOUETTE IN THE SHOWER JUST MINUTES AGO MY MANHOOD HARDEN TO THE POINT THAT I ALMOST TOOK YOU RIGHT THEN AND THERE.  I HAD TO FORCE MYSELF TO WAIT.  TONIGHT MY BEAUTIFUL SWAN YOU WILL BE MINE.  THE SEXY NIGHTIE IS FOR YOU TO WEAR.  That's when Ava had set her plan in motion and left, running from some stalker that was out to get her.  Ava listened to the fire crackling in the fireplace as the logs burned down to nothing.  Nothing that's how she felt.  She had everything going for her in New York.  She was one of the most wanted top models.  Her pictures were in every well known magazine, and on bill boards across the world.  Everything had been perfect up until five months ago when she started getting odd phone calls, mystery notes and gifts that usually was a swan of some sort.  That last note had scared her so badly that she went into hiding.

     Ava stared out the window at the growing darkness.  What she saw through the window pane startled her.  Ava no longer looked like herself.  Her  golden blonde hair was cut short and dyed jet black.  The night Ava left she located a top notch plastic surgeon, the best she could find and that was Dr. Tom Wilson.  She had entered his office, told him what she needed with little detail as possible for the doctor's safety.  Ava had a whole body makeover, and she hated it.  She had always tried to live as if beauty didn't matter that it was what was on the inside that counted most, but her growing up years had tarnished that for her.  Ava had been a homely looking girl in her younger years.  She had been known as the ugly duckling, but as she grew her looks changed her into someone beautiful and elegant.  Now looking out the window she saw that homely looking Ava.  Yes indeed Dr. Tom had done a remarkable job,  Her once large breasts were reduced down to nothing.  Her luscious plump lips were now thin and flat.  A tear slid down her cheek as she walked closer to the window.  In order to change her looks futher Ava had added on extra weight by eating all the foods that she once avoided.  Her once slender frame was now at 145 pounds.

     "I'll never work as a top model again," she cried.  "My life as Ava Nelson is over!" She screamed at herself.

     She had to hear a familiar voice.  Ava reached for the prepaid phone she had purchased before she left New York.  She punched in the memorized number.  She held the phone to her ear with a trembling hand.  One ring, two rings, three rings, four rings, the answering machine finally clicked on.  "This is Randy Lawson leave your name and number and I'll get back to you as soon as I can, if this is Ava Nelson I love you."

     Ava felt her legs buckle as she fell to the floor.  Her breathing was coming in heavy heaves.  Ava clutched the locket around her neck as if it was her life line.  She opened it and stared at the picture of Randy her boyfriend.  He had been the best thing that ever happen to her, but now he was dead and gone, killed by the hands of the stalker.  The police had said suicide, but Ava knew Randy would never ever take his own life.

     "I'll get whoever killed you," she vowed.

     Ava put another log on the fire and watched it blaze up.  She didn't know why but she had the distinct feeling that the stalker was someone she knew or knew her.  She sat down in front of the fire and felt the heat sooth her cold skin.  She closed her eyes trying to concentrate.  "Who would want to terrorize me?"  She asked herself.  Of course she knew there was a lot of sick people in the world.

     Ava fell asleep in front of the fire.  At first the dream was beautiful and romantic.  Randy was making love to her, and then he was gone, vanished right before her eyes.  In Randy's place was another man, but it was dark she couldn't see his face.  He was on top of her, kissing her, forcing her legs apart.  She wanted to scream, but couldn't.

     "My beautiful swan," he whispered in her ear.

     Ava sat up. Sweat drenched her clothes.  His voice sounded so familiar, but she couldn't place where she had heard it.  She felt dirty.  She went into the bathroom and stripped her clothes off.  She turned the shower on and stepped in, letting the water spray down her body.  She could still feel his touch, hear his voice.  She slid down into the tub and sobbed.

     Ava sat there long after the water turned cold.  She felt numb, not from the freezing water, but fear.  Fear gripped her very soul.  Deep down she could feel a full blown panic attack trying to surface.  She closed her eyes and took a deep breath and held it, then slowly let it out.  She reached for her bath robe and slipped it on tying the belt around her thick middle.  Ava walked past the bathroom mirror careful not to look at her reflection, something she avoided these days.

     The sun was just coming up over the horizon promising to be a bright sunny day.  Ava walked into the kitchen to make her first cup of coffee.  She stopped in her tracks.  A swan mug sat on the counter top with a note propped up beside it.  It read:  MY BEAUTIFUL SWAN I'VE MISSED YOU! I HOPE YOU LIKE THE MUG.  The panic attack was full force now.  She ran through the cabin searching for any sign of a break in, but she couldn't find one.  Ava picked up her phone to call Eric her photograper.  She listened to the melody Don't Rock The Juke Box.

     "Hello Eric Hall speaking," he said as he continued to snap pictures.

     For a moment Ava was lost in time.  She could feel the adrenalin as she heard the click of the camera.  "Anyone there?" She heard Eric ask, bringing her back to the nightmare.

     "I'm here," Ava managed to say.

     "Where in the world are you?" Eric asked.  "I've been worried sick about you beautiful swan," he added.

     The room began to spin.  Ava held onto a chair for support.  She couldn't breath.  "Wh-Wh-- What d-d-d-did you c-c-c-call m-m-me?"  She stuttered.  Ava didn't wait for his response, she threw the phone across the room.  "No, no, no no, not Eric.  He can't be the stalker,"  Ava cried.  "Eric!" She screamed.  "Are you here?"  She had to get some air.  She was fast loosing her resolve.  She hurried and dressed, grabbed her purse and fled the cabin that felt no longer safe.

     The twenty mile drive into town did nothing to calm her jittery nerves.  She sat in her parked car watching the people go about their daily business.  Any number of them could be the stalker.  Could it be Eric? Or could it be a perfect stranger?  Ava just didn't know any thing any more.  A tear slid down her cheek.  "O:k Ava get a hold of yourself and get ready to fight the creep who ever he is," she told herself.  Before Ava got out of the car she repeated the anonymous name she had given herself.  "Your Kelly Rivers, your Kelly Rivers."

     Ava got out of the car and looked around her.  No one seemed to be paying her any attention.  She started walking down the side walk glancing in windows as she walked.  She suddenly stopped.  She stood immobilized, staring at the swan display.  

     "Beautiful swan," she heard a masculine voice behind her.

     She spun around wide eyed.  "Leave me alone!" She yelled as she started to run.

     "Hey wait up, I didn't mean to scare you!" He yelled after her.

     She kept running, she had to get away.  Was he the stalker?  Ava rounded the corner and ran smack dab into a broad chest.  His strong arms went around her.  She tried to break free, but couldn't.  He ushered her into a cafe.  "Sit," he ordered.  He walked to the counter and ordered coffee.  He brought the steaming mug back to her.  "Drink," he ordered once again.  With trembling hands she lifted the mug to her mouth.  The hot liquid burned as it went down.  She couldn't stop trembling.

     "Are you o:k?" He asked as he pulled a chair out scraping the legs across the floor.

     Ava set the mug down.  "I'm fine," she said as she stood to leave.

     He grabbed her hand and smiled up at her.  His smile irritated her for some reason.  "Kindly let go of my hand," she said harshly.

     His smile didn't falter.  He let go and said, "You always this rude to people who try to help you?"

     She felt a little embrassed.  "Thank you for the coffee, she said and then turned to leave.  She could hear his foot steps behind her.  She turned and glared at him.  "Look I appreciate your kindness, but I'm fine."

     "Well Miss Fine, do you have a name?"  He asked as he continued to follow her.  "Mine is Neal Holland," he said.

     Ava felt a smile curve her mouth.  She turned to face him.  "I'm Av---" She stopped short and cleared her throat.  "Kelly  Rivers,"  she said as she put her hand in his.

     "Kelly Rivers how would you like to have dinner with me one night? Now don't answer right now."  He pulled a card from his pocket and handed it to her.  "My phone number in case you decide to take me up on my offer."

     Ava slid into the drivers seat and fastened her seat belt.  She took the card from him.  As she backed out of the parking place she glanced in her rear view mirror.  Neal Holland stood there still smiling.

     Ava's mind was not on shopping, but on Neal Holland.  He was tall dark and handsome.  His smile could be irritating or knock your socks off.  She knew she shouldn't be thinking about him at all.  She needed to remain focused, make a plan.  The stalker had found her, it was a matter of time he would come for her.  The thought sickened her and scared her half to death, but she had to prepare herself to face him.  Ava did the hardest thing ever, she sold her locket at a paw shop in order to by a gun.  By the time she made it back to the cabin it  was dark out.

     Ava wrapped her hand around the gun, it felt strange.  She fumbled with the door keys in her free hand.  She finall unlocked the door and immediately knew he had been back, most likely still there.  She walked in and flipped the lamp on.  The flurescent light flooded the room.  Her eyes moved rapidly about the room.  Ava moved on to the bedroom.  Her heart pounded wildly in her chest.  She could hear the beat in her ears, it felt as if it was about to explode from her body.  She flipped the light on, nothing.  Maybe she was just being paranoid.  Ava glanced toward the bathroom and that's when she saw it, a black nightie hung on the shower rod.  A red lipstick note was on the mirror.  MY BEAUTIFUL SWAN I'M COMING FOR YOU! YOU TRIED TO OUT SMART ME BY HAVING THE PLASTIC SURGERY, DIDN'T YOU? I SHOULD HAVE TOOK YOU BACK IN NEW YORK WHEN I SAW YOU THROUGH THE SHOWER DOOR.  I'M COMING SOON! YOU CAN'T GET AWAY THIS TIME! THE NIGHTIE IS FOR YOU TO WEAR.  DON'T WORRY I GOT A LARGER SIZE.

     Ava turned violently ill.  She was trembling.  Her hand went to touch the locket she no longer had.  She  fell her knees.  "Randy, I need you," she cried.

     She was angry, no not angry, furious was more like it.  She wanted her life back.  Ava stood and snatched the nightie from the hanger and ripped it.  She turned and wiped vigorlously to remove the lip stick from the mirror.  That's when she saw the picture in the sink.  Her blood rushed to her head.  She turned pale.  Ava was no longer in the cabin, her mind had traveled back to her high school years.  Ava had befriended Frank Mayo.  Frank was known as the school geek.  He had Stringy brown hair.  His chin was pointed, and his ears had stood out like dumbo the elephant. His nose had been too long and his butt to large.  He had been like a brother she' never had.  Frank had always wanted more out of the relationship, but she had never felt the same as him.

     "Frank Mayo is the stalker," she said it, but couldn't believe it.  She closed her eyes for a moment trying to rationalize why he would be doing this.

     A noise startled her.  She held the gun in front of her as she peered around the bathroom door.  She had to force herself to move futher.  The cabin door was opened, she walked to it.  Ava was crying now, she felt helpless even though she had a gun. "Frank, if your here show yourself!" she yelled.  She waited, but no one appeared.  Ava closed the door and locked it.

     She felt something poke her back.  She froze.  "Put the gun down," he said as he grabbed her from behind.  The gun slid to the floor, he kicked it across the room.  He slowly turned her to face him, he stood smiling.

     "Neal, what's going on?" She aked, feeling confused.

     "Kelly Rivers? Or should I say Ava?  You mean you haven't figured it out yet?" He sneered.  "You were always a little on the dumb side," he added.  "I may have been a geek, but at least I was smart," he laughed.

     "Frank?" Ava's throat went dry as she spoke.

     "Yeah, it's me beautiful swan.  Are should I say ugly duckling?"  He laughed a hideous laugh.  Ava cringed at the  sound.  "Like my nose job? What about my chin lift? Have you noticed that my ears no longer stick out? And let's not  forget the buttock job," he said as he rubbed his butt with his free hand.

     "Why are you doing this?" Ava whispered.

     The question seemed to infuriate him. His face turned beet red.  He threw her toward the sofa.  "I loved you," he cried.  "You were my only friend, and I needed you.  I wanted you," he stressed.  "But you forgot all about me when you became a model."

     "Frank----"

     "Shut up!" He yelled and slapped her hard across the face.  "Well now you're mine," he stated.

     Ava's eyes moved to the gun across the room.  She had to wait till the opportune time to retrieve it.  Frank"s breathing had grown shallow.  He came toward her.  She tried to get up and run, but he knocked her back down.  She could feel the hotness of his breath as he brought his lips close to hers.  He forced her to lie down and immediately climbed on top of her.    Ava cried out.  He laid the knife on the coffee table.  He took both her hands and pressed them down on each side of her head.  Frank moaned as his manhood grew hard.

     Ava took that movement to bring up her knee and kick him in the groin.  He fell back clutching his balls.  She bound off the couch and ran toward the gun.  He grabbed her feet, knocking her to the floor.  She stretched her hand out.  He started dragging her toward him.  She grabbed  hold of the gun and slid it beneath her.  He rolled her over, and as he did Ava pointed the gun and shot him right between the eyes.  Frank Mayo, the stalker was dead.  Ava Nelson would be no more.  She decided she didn't want to be Kelly Rivers either.  She would make a new life else where.  Maybe as Jill Brown or Lilly Rogers.  Who knows who she might be?

 

 

 

 

 

    

Author's Note

I NEED HELP WITH GRAMMAR! PLEASE LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK OF THE WHOLE STORY! ALL FEED BACK WELCOME! THANKS!

Reviews

[Kathy Van Kurin]

imagination101,
Well I am reading this at night and got a little nervous. Your main character is someone I would never like to be as she has taken a victim position in her life. I do see that escape is her main device. Felt kind of bad that she had her looks changed. It sure didn't help in the end. I hated that she murdered her attacker. But under the circumstances it is understandable at least in the story. You have a really good imagination too by the way.
Bless you in your writing craft!
Kathy

[KATHY SUE SILLS]

Thank you so much!

[Kgrey]

Just going on FIRST IMPRESSIONS only, I think it would be better if you left the writing in a size 12 font.

[Queen of Fantasy]

I really liked it! If you ever need help editing I'm happy to help you fine tune the grammar.

[Shardbearer99]

Okay. I liked what I read. But it definitely needs a lot of fine-tuning. You don't really describe your surroundings - you more tell rather show your readers. Remember, readers also need information; what's happening, why's this certain thing happening, who are these people, who are they in relation to the main protagonist? Also, as you have a pointed out, you're grammar does need a bit of work. Don't worry, though: We all make mistakes. Nothing to be ashamed of. I think if you're planning on making this a full-length novel, you need to get to know your characters in detail. The information that I was receiving from them was vague and incomplete. I did like Neal Holland's character: there would be a lot of information being written about him. So many things you could write about: what was his and Ava's relationship like at school, was he bullied, what made him tick and start hurting people? Why did Ava forget about him? What happened to Randy? There's so much information you could pour into this story that would make it very interesting to read. Please, please do editing of this piece; perhaps even re-write it. It was a lot fun to read, too. I hope you don't think I'm being overly critical about your piece. You do have a lot of potential to make this really, really good. Thank you very much for letting me read it. I hope thie has helped you somewhat with future development

[Kimberly]

This is a great story, but it does need some work. "Your Kelly Rivers" should be "You're Kelly Rivers." The best way to learn that is by spelling it out. If you're not sure, if you should use your or you're, spell it out as you are.


I think you need to slow down a bit. I know that the greatest fear is that people will get bored and stop reading, but I think think this could do with more detail and more character development. The pacing doesn't have to be so fast for us to keep interested. For instance, answer some questions about why she didn't go to the police, who she thought was the stalker, etc.

The scene where she goes into town seems unbelievable to me. I think it would work if you'd, again, slow down. She is having trust issues at the moment, any person being stalked and threatened would, and yet she has coffee with a complete - and male - stranger who could have - and did - turn out to be the stalker.

She suffers no regret from killing her stalker, and after a while, no, she shouldn't feel regret. She killed a man who killed her boyfriend and was threatening her. However, that's rarely how it really is in real life. If you kill a person, no matter how justified their death, you feel something. You don't walk away from that.

There's also the problem with the gun in the first place. Most places you can't get a gun unless you wait for three days and some places want to know that you can fire it safely first. She buys hers in one day. Slow down.

With a bit of cleaning up I think that this would make a prize-winning story. It was a great read with great characters. I think you should edit it and resubmit.

[Dark Aeris]

Woah.....[good woah] :D

[CompellingComposer]

Very good! I love this!

[Cherrie]

after she finds the swan mug (Ava picked up her phone to call Eric her photography.) change photography to photographer:)
I am the woulds worse at typing one word but reading it as another

[Cherrie]

great story, work on your spacing of the tale, readers are afraid of block paragraphs. Very well told

[InkSlinger]

Nice piece of writing, kept me wanting more.. Indeed grammar is off a bit.. a comma here, a period there and presto a really great piece! Very good first attempt! Don't let the grammar get you down.. find a good word processor program and it will help you work through the spelling and grammar issues. Keep up the good work!