To Fall Down the Rabbit Hole

A choice- Take the pill and the pain goes away, but you become a new person. Or stay yourself and ride out the wave, but you're spiraling down.

How would you feel, waking up at 11:24 on a Sunday, the light drifting in the window? Looking across the room at your pretty kid sister, content in her dreams. If you made the right choices, maybe you wouldn’t be in a stolen thong and a bathing suit coverup. You probably wouldn’t be wondering if he likes you. Not first thing in the morning. But even more than that, wondering what you did to deserve this. Have you ever heard of clinical depression? It’s quite the tea party. A chemical imbalance in the brain. Your brain wants those chemicals constantly, but, because it doesn’t get them, it hurt you instead. You knew you were missing something your whole life, you could feel it. Never knowing what it was, you thought it was something you were doing, something you caused. Nobody ever told you it wasn’t your fault. Your parents couldn’t understand, they gave you everything. Your friends never understood, they saw everything that was given to you by your parents. Your boyfriend didn’t even get the chance to understand, because you left. You thought if you just found the right boy, all the pain would go away. That you were just lonely. Born solitary, created to wander the earth’s wonders by yourself. So now, fifteen years into the pain, you’re told there’s a way out. One little pill might fix all your problems. You wouldn’t slowly kill yourself with all your dirty habits. You must have guessed it, but if you didn’t, there’s a catch. Life’s full of them, they worm their way into a perfect idea, infesting with their grimy little hooks. It completely changes you. You become a different person in the same body. Living fifteen years in this pain, you don’t know who you are without it. You don’t know who you would become, without this inability to cope. Hopefully nicer, so you wouldn’t hurt the darling child in the room with you. So the choice is yours- You take no pill- the story ends, you wake up in your bed and stay in whatever hell this is. You take the pill - you fall in Wonderland and see just how deep the rabbit-hole goes. How far back does the pain go? How much does it define you?