Everything That I've Been Meaning to Say for a While (pretty long)

Here it is, read it when you have time to read it all...

I feel a little empty

Inside...

Don't what else to do

So I type...

 

These poems I type,

Although they are mostly blunt and obvious

Help me keep my sanity...

Without this website,

Don't know where I'd be

Emotionally.

 

So basically,

I'm just waiting

Hope you heard the voicemail...

Cause it's the truth

I hope you've made up your mind about what you wanna do

Cause now, I'm just waiting for the thumbs up, or the thumbs down...

So I can continue or try to start moving on...

 

Ouch...

I'm gonna go do something else,

I can't keep thinking about this so much...

There's no new info,

and it's making my head and stomach hurt...

and I can't type anymore poems until

You give me feedback...

 

Cause now,

I feel a little weird...

Thinking that you would feel weird

If you came on here and read these...

Words are just words,

And sooner or later,

They become meaningless

But like Priya said,

Sometimes they're all you've got

 

I had trouble believing it sometimes...

That you loved me...

For two reasons I think.

You didn't want to be around me...

Or that's how it seemed.

And so I thought that maybe you were like that and I decided not to be around you too much either...

Cause I didn't want you to reject me.

 

The other thing is,

I didn't know what was happening...

To us.

The moment we switched from officially friends

To boyfriend, and girlfriend.

Something changed.

You stopped calling all the time,

alot of things stopped

and I didn't really care then

cause you would hold my hand,

kiss me,

hug me,

and look at me with that look..

 

But what happens when we're not in the same place...

And there's only words that can be said between us?

Will we be able to talk about how we feel?

Cause to me,

if places can change,

People can change,

And feelings can change...

so if we're not seeing each other constantly..

I need to be reminded that you still care about me....

 

Maybe you feel the same way I do..

I like thinking about things from other people's point of view

but how will I ever know how you feel about me

The intensity

That everyone keeps describing to me...

their words aren't fitting with your actions...

What else am I supposed to think?

 

Even though we avoid each other

He loves me sooo much.

Even though I feel that he thinks things are more important than spending a few more minutes with me...

He loves me sooo much.

That even though he can't talk to me about this

And just explain to me what's going on in his head

That he loves me sooo much..

I don't understand...

 

I can see that love to some degree

when we're both happy

Together.

But sometimes things go wrong

And I don't even know why.

Just talk to me!

Maybe I've got it all wrong

And I'm making you out to be a bad guy

But how am I supposed to know anything if

YOU

DON'T

TELL

ME?

 

We can only make this work

IF we clearly understand each others feelings

So if we're breaking up

tell me

tell me please,

at least tell me why we're breaking up.

 

but still, maybe it was something we could've fixed without having to break up...

Relationships are a mixture of good and bad

So every relationship has it's problems...

You just have to work together to get over the obstacles

You have to care enough about each other to push through and not give up...

Especially something that could be moved through

 

Maybe you can't tell how much I love you either...

Maybe it's hard to believe that I do

Cause I've had only a little over a year...

Maybe even though I keep telling you that I do

All you hear are words that aren't being backed up by actions...

Maybe that's our problem..

We don't know how to effectively show affection...

 

Maybe we avoid each other cause it hurts because we're being avoided...

I don't know

It doesn't make sense,

but that would explain a lot.

 

Maybe I'm sad all the time cause I want you to pay attention to me

I want to know that you care

That I'm not just holding on to you because I only think that you're good for me

No, that won't work

I need to know.

That you are....

 

Lately,

you seem so caught up in Hanna and Breanna's problem

That it hurt me a little inside...

I know you're their friend

And you want to help them,

but the way I see it is

that it's none of your business...

I feel so angry at everone when it comes to this..

D****t, leave them alone!

You can't force hanna to be happy

If she doesn't want to be friends right after someone she likes who was also her friend

get's into a relationship with her other friend!

Who the hell would want to be friends right after that?

If I broke up with you and started going out with Jamal

Would you want to be friends with me right away?

Especially if you still had feelings for me?

Give her some F*****g time!

 

You shouldn't fake your feelings anyway,

if you hate someone, you hate them

if you love someone, you love them

it's as simple as that...

Why make things complicated by hiding it or covering it up

You feel what you feel

You are a human being and we feel things!

No one's perfect

So nobody has to be all happy cheerful all the damn time!

Especially since life isn't like that!

Face the F-ing truth!

 

Maybe the truth is I was hurt...

You spend the whole time almost dealing with their problem

When it would've been fine if you just left it alone...

I probably won't ever get to see you for a very long time

And you're just showing me that you don't care by dealing with something that isn't really any of your business...

Instead of spending a few last hours with me in person...

I wish I could just smile at you and pretend like everything's perfect and that it doesn't hurt...

But I can't do that...

I can't hurt myself to feel something that I'm not feeling....

 

I understand that maybe you didn't know what I was feeling...

Or why I was isolating myself...

And not looking at you

But couldn't you have asked me what was wrong?

Like you used to?

I mean, I was honestly waiting for you to do that...

I figured if you cared or actually loved me as much as people keep telling me

You'd come to find out what was wrong

That was really all I wanted

To see that you cared

That you loved me...

But you never came, even though there were so many times that you could have

You didn't come...

 

Everything would've been alright then....

I would've told you the truth,

And maybe you would've seen things from my point of view...

Then I would have more hope than I have now...

Everytime something like this happens...

I lose a little of the hope that I had about long distance...

I don't lose any love,

The love stays

But the hope starts to slowly disappear...

 

I don't know,

maybe you think that when a girl that you supposedly love is sad

You're supposed to leave her alone...

Malik, the number one thing any girl wants from someone she loves

Is for him to be there for her...

You cheer me up just by being there...

You should know that...

you make me so happy when you're there for me

and when you're not, you make me so sad...

 

I never wanted it to come to this...

So we've either come to the option of breaking up because

You're tired of me and realized that you didn't love me as much as you thought you did

or you actually think it would be easier on the both of us and aren't just using this as a cover up

for the first option.

or you don't think it's worth it anymore...

That the happiness isn't worth going through some s**t...

that's why I don't want to break up

Cause being with you makes me happy

Although it might not happen a lot lately

I still feel that that happiness is worth the unhappiness...

cause when we're happy, nothing really tops that feeling...

but then I really just get happy by any little show of attention or affection from you...

when you tell me how you feel

or tell me about your day

or hold my hand

or hug me

or laugh

or smile

or look at me

or sit next to me

or say something cute

or hug me

or accidentally brush up against me

or put your arm around me

or lean on me..

or call me

all that..

that makes me happy...

it makes me happy when you're happy with me

 

I don't really know what else to say

I pretty much just vented everything

sorry about getting angry

and I guess I understand if you want to break up

I'm on stand by for your opinion...

 

It may take two people to choose a duet and sing it

(That is fair for them to both pick the song)

but relationship break ups are rarely ever fair...

and most times if they are, someone's lying

So I'm not going to lie to you and say that I want to break up

if you want to, just so you won't feel bad

cause we don't agree...

That's usually how it is...

one person makes the decision

While the other person just goes with it...

If you're happier without all of this,

Without me,

Then I'll understand...

But please, just tell me why....

I won't be able to sleep if you don't....

And don't feel bad because I don't want to break up...

If you want to break up with me

Do it...

Don't base your decision off of anything that I say....

If you feel like the little bit of happiness that we had isn't worth it

Break up with me