Afraid of my Own Heart

Separation can kill

Is this what longing is?

Is this what fear is?

I've read about it in books

But never have I experienced it like this...

 

My Stepdad's thinking about moving to Florida again...

My momma told me I could stay with my grandparents

If I couldn't stand the thought of being separated from my friends

 

But they live in another county

Not too far away from here..

I just won't be going to the same school as you

Anymore, that is...

 

Just the thought of not being able to see you everyday

Or even just thinking of moving away

Makes me want to cry...

 

They're talking about moving to Florida next year

All the hard work we've put into building this relationship

Might go to waste

All that time you spent waiting...

All the thought we put into celebrating

Next years arrival

Might come to an end

These last 3 months of 9th grade

Might just be it....

 

This weekend you didn't have your phone

Didn't get on Facebook...

 

This weekend, I gained some insight

This is how our summer looks

No communication

Two different locations....

Will we make it?

 

I'm realitively new to all this

I'm not so worried about you...it's just...it's...

ME,

That I'm scared of, see...

I worried that I won't like you the same way

After not seeing you or talking to you for two months and some days

I'm scared that my feelings will evaporate

Without me even realizing the change

I don't trust myself,

To fall in love with you and no one else...

 

I'm stuck between not wanting to hurt you

And being true to who I am

You're not just my cool friend now

You're this awesome guy

That I can't wait to call my boyfriend....

Maybe that's part of my fustration,

I'm not patient....

I'm falling slowly

Into a deeper seeming relationship with you

But I'm grabbing the ledge, I'm holding on tight

I can't let go until the timing is right

 

Afraid that we might not be friends

Afraid that I'll cause you more hurt

Even though I know how it feels

How hopelessness deals heavier emotions

Ones that kill...

From the inside out...

I don't want to do that to you...

Cause you meant so much to me

Even before I knew

I had a crush on you

Right now I don't want anyone else but you

And I don't want to want anyone else but you for the rest of my life

 

But things happen

Feelings change

Even when we don't want them too....

For better or worse

The world and the people in it never stay the same...