Waiting to Pop the Question

(scene: Afternoon, mom’s bus, end of school day)

Me: “Did he make a weird face when he said ‘yeah, sure’, or did he say it with a straight face?”

(Devonte’ looks up towards the roof of the bus in deep thought.)

Devonte’: “He doesn’t make weird faces, only when he’s laughing. He said it with a straight face.”

(Darn…That doesn’t tell me anything. I sigh and turn around in my seat.)

Devonte’: “Taree?”

Me: “Yeah” (I turn back around.)

Devonte’: “Remember when you asked me why I said it like that?’

(I nod)

Devonte’: “Well, I don’t think he would have said he would go with you if I hadn’t said you didn’t want a relationship with him.”

(Because of Brooke, I thought)

Me: “Good, I’m not looking for a relationship right now anyway.

(I can’t date, but even if I could, I wouldn’t want to right now.) I’d rather get to know him a little bit more first.”

 

 

This is the day after LGPE. We got a two in both songs and sight reading. I loved the fact that we didn’t get a lower score in sight reading even though the judge told us to shut up a million times. Isn’t life great?

     Anyway, I had been pestering Devonte’ endlessly all day for info about the way Zevi had said it, how he looked when he said it, and if he seriously meant what he said. You could tell all of my asking was getting on his nerves, especially when he had problems of his own to deal with.

 

I couldn’t help it though. The idea that he would want to go with me thrilled me. I felt that I couldn’t ask if he would go with me until I knew if he liked me or not. That way I knew exactly how to pop the question. If he liked me, I could use the cute way. If he didn’t, I could use the funny, friendly way. The perfection of the question was key to complete my 8^th grade formal experience.

 

     It didn’t have to be perfect, I just wanted to say that for once in my life, I got something that I wanted and it didn’t blow up in my face later. That’s all.

　

After that day, I was determined to get closer to Zevi on more friendlier terms. He surprised me by talking to me more then he usually would and not avoiding me. Of course this made me feel bad. I had avoided Marcello for two days before I was able to start talking normally to him. I felt ashamed of myself, but my admiration for Zevi went up notch by notch.

     He was exactly what I knew he was, an all around nice person. Someone who went around giving high fives to everyone and someone who could hold an interesting conversation. I’d never seen him angry before, maybe sad or quiet, but never angry. I couldn’t see him yelling at anyone or doing horrible things, but then again, I wasn’t his closest friend, so of course I didn’t know about that stuff.

 

He could have a split personality of a nice person that only reared itself at school, while the real him showed only at home. I could finally have a chance to go out with him and finally know him intimately enough to see all those things for myself. What if I didn’t like what I saw? What if he was another bad mistake? What then? What if -

 

                                     I stopped myself.

 

     All of my crazy, but possible, what if’s weren’t getting me anywhere. I should be reflecting on what I saw with my own two eyes. The what if question I should be asking is, ‘What if he actually has a crush on my friend?’.

　

 

You see, by talking to him, I’ve been able to observe him in his natural habitat. Not that he’s an animal or anything, it’s just that when me, him, and a bunch of friends are together, I’m able to talk naturally and not choke up on any words or chicken out. He’s not an experiment either, but I do notice things. These things might mean that he A) likes me, B) Likes my friend, or C) Is only being normal.

　

Thing # 1: Before Zevi knew…

 

He sat across from me on the other side of Mrs. Henderson's classroom. I was completely free to look at somthing on the side of him, but actually be looking at him from my peripheral view. It was great, but it involved no talking what so ever... Later all that changed.

　

　

　

                A little bit before he found out:

 

Every now and then he would sit behind Brina to talk to all of us.　

      When he sat behind Brina, I could talk to him some, but he usually talked to her more. I couldn’t overhear anything about the conversation so my option to jump in was out. At the time I was content, but not unable to get to know him more. I couldn’t even look at him without having to have a reason to turn around! Thank goodness for Tabby! When he was back there, I must have asked Tabby a hundred questions that were irrelevant to the topic during class.

　

　

　                      A few days after he found out:

 

I was so surprised when he sat over here. In a seat right next to me.

This has to be my favorite class now, because he sits there. I can talk to him tons more, I can look at him more, and I can notice more things about his physical features.

There are certain downsides to things like this though… I can’t talk about him to my friends because he’s sitting right beside me, I can’t stare at him and pretend to be looking at something else, and I can’t stop smiling too hard.

 

My smile isn’t awful, but I think that it’s too big. When something genuinely makes me happy or is very hilarious, I smile and all my gums and teeth show. It makes me embarrassed at times and I always cover my mouth, unless I’m with friends. They don’t care and have gotten used to it by now since I have known most of them for two years or so.

 

     But I want to impress Zevi. I want to show him that I have good qualities in me. Even if I can’t spell, suck at remembering math rules, and can’t swim or skate worth a crap.

 

There’s something in my head that keeps telling me that I’ll do something great with my life. Even if I have almost no idea what I want to pursue a career in yet. I just want people to know that I am not worthless and that I honestly want to help with their problems, because I care about them. That’s all I’ve ever wanted people to know.

 

And somewhere, deep inside, I hope that maybe, one day…. Zevi will be able to think that about me as well.

 

*Stay tuned for part two of chapter 2 later on*