Shrapnel

This was one of my earlier works along with "Joyride", which kinda steered me to the kind of poems I write now. When I say "earlier", I mean clumsier. Lol.

you are embedded

like shrapnel deep in my skin

and just as hard to remove.

little slivers of you

poke through me

and scratch against the tendons

like stubble against a resigned cheek

each time i turn

over in my sleep.

And so i tried delving

with steel forceps

past the layers of flesh.

just then, I realized

that i rather like

the encompassing sensation

of you

as a part

of me

no matter how much

you decimate my skin

into strips.

 

Author's Note

Alrightie, be my pieces of shrapnel. Gogogogo! :D

Reviews

[Wunderlich]

Haha, I actually quite like this. I particularly like these lines:

"little slivers of you
poke through me
and scratch against the tendons
like stubble against a resigned cheek"

I like how their didn't seem to be a set rhyming scheme, yet it flowed well was some lines were connected to the succeeding line with a rhyming word. This may be an earlier work, but it's still good one. Welllll done.

[liquidlandmine]

emo ka gid ya. hahaha.

[Lucy Loves Red]

i have to disagree with the reviews. i found this rather lacking and bland.

sure, it is very descriptive and the dynamics are presented well but poetic visuals are not the only things that make a decent poem.

there are a few sentiments here and there but i fail to see a firm and original core concept. this can be read as a long sentence actually nad the form you made use of serves only as an instrument to make us think otherwise.

this is vivid but what i get ultimately is merely a motionless mound of fabric dabbed in blood. vivid yet boring

[Philosophile. (Maddy)]

Piecey' (made up word) but it's perfect for the message here. A sort of torn up, shredded effect like how your skin is. A painful love was how I read this. I constantly love the imagery you use.
I loved everything about this, but I love the first 3 lines the most:
"you are embedded
like shrapnel deep in my skin
and just as hard to remove."
Brilliant!