It is amazing...

How your day can go from amazing to total s**t. Cody and I have been talking for a good majority of the afternoon. The conversation started out alright, until he brought up his "new girl" from Red Lobster. I honestly thought I didn't care anymore, but I was oh so wrong. He likes her, that much, I know. I really don't care how Kristin handles it because, she's not my concern. Me, on the other hand, I am not handling this well. The ONLY reason I am okay with Cody dating Kristin is because she lives so far away, that he and I can still be friends. But, this new girl, lives in Cody's town, and we are never going to be able to hang out. No girl is going to be alright with the relationship Cody and I have. God, just the thought of him kissing another girl makes me feel incredibly ill. My head is burning, and my eyes are watering, I hate feel like this. I am tempted to go into the sales rest room, curl up in a ball, and just breakdown. Everyone is out for lunch, so it's not like I would be over-heard.

Damn it! Damn it! Damn it! Why do I still care? Why do I still want to be with Cody? I've taken down every picture of he and I in my room, and locked them up. I took all the notes he wrote me, and put the away as well. Yet, I am still wanting to be with him more than ever. F**k, I am a mess. A total mess. Pathetic doesn't even begin to describe me. I hate my emotions. I hate my heart and soul. Flat out hate them. I don't know whether to scream, cry, or run-away.

I guess I will drown my sorrows in this mediocre coffee and wishes of fulfillment.