Growing older

Everything is changing and I am terrified.

"I don’t think I will ever come to terms with the complexity of growing older. Evolution can be alienating- it is inevitably one of the sadder aspects of reality.

One moment your 7 years old running barefoot on your neighbors front yard catching fireflies in mason jars. Then the next your 25 running in 4 inch heels down a jagged sidewalk desperately trying to catch the 5:15 bus to the city.

And another, your 10 and you are complaining to your best friend in the entire world (who will eventually betray your trust) about how boys are cootie-filled brats and you would never date one. Flash forward your 15 at your very first high school party- it was a night of firsts for you that’s for sure, and you were ready for anything to be thrown your way! So when the hottest upperclassmen approaches you in a drunken stupor you give him the only thing you could offer. All of your innocence given to a boy who would not remember your name when the morning should come.

Those nights in grade school when you would have contests to see who could stay up the latest make the times where you yearn, plead for 5 minuets of rest seem all but a distant memory shoved deeply back into your subconscious. After all, sleep is of the utmost importance in the adult world.

And the moment where you realize dad isn’t actually Superman and mom doesn't know all of the answers will single handedly be the most earth shattering moment of your life.

Remember when getting a scrape wasn't necessarily a bad thing? It actually kind of made you a bad a*s. Christmas used to be cheery and hot cocoa tasted a whole lot different back then. When did everything become a stressful endeavor?

When you are leaving high school fire pits ashes turn to smushed cigarette butts, broken beer bottles and streams of tears. And you can’t seem to make heads or tales on what life is even about anymore.

And what the don’t tell you is when your 21 you will find your head in the toilet of some grimy gas station bathroom far more frequently than you will find it in the books- where it rightfully should be.

When you near your 30’s you will wish you would have saved those enticing, crisp $10 bills grandpa gave you every time he would visit for the holidays. Lemonade stands turn into the bar down the block and sugar highs just can’t keep you awake any longer- you will find a few cups of coffee will do the trick.

When did the child within become lost?

It doesn’t need to end up this way.

Everything is changing and I have never been more terrified."

-F.G

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