No title for it yet, sorry guys.

A guy who thinks a girl is willing to change himself for.

 INT. LEE'S HOUSE. MORNING.

LEE is sitting on the floor in front of his couch, staring at the blank TV across the room. He leans his head back and sighs deeply. He looks around the room, trying to remember something. Suddenly, his eyes widen and he gets up quickly and leaves the room. He is on the phone when he returns and he is counting money is his hands. The phone takes a while to pick up, making LEE nervous. He starts tapping his fingers on something.

LEE

C'mon, pick up, pick up...

LEE waits.

LEE

Hey, you busy?

 

Screen goes black. LEE is sitting outside with his friend PAUL, waiting for someone.

 

LEE

Thanks for the money, Paul. I think I have enough money for at least 4 grams.

 

PAUL

I don't see why you couldn't come up with the money yourself.

 

LEE

I got fired! The guy caught me smoking.

 

PAUL

That's your first problem. Get high where you won't get caught. It's what I do.

 

LEE gives PAUL a dirty look.

LEE

Besides, I hate working. But I need the money. Maybe this week I'll try to find one or something.

 

PAUL

Seriously, Lee, it's not that hard. Just find a job and stop mooching off of me.

 

LEE

You owe me money anyway!

 

PAUL

I don't know what you're talking about.

 

LEE

Yes you do. Don't be an idiot... When I gave you money for YOUR pot?

 

PAUL thinks for a second then shakes his head dismissively. He looks over LEE'S shoulder. LEE looks at PAUL funny, then turns around to see a car pull up. Both of them get up.

LEE

Thanks.

 

PAUL nods and gets into his car and drives away as LEE is walking towards the other car.

 

 _________________

older version, i dunno if i like it, but here's an alternative so tell me what you like better.

__________________

 

LEE is sitting alone in the cafeteria. A few seats over, 2 guys are sitting next to him. Lee can't help but overhear what they're saying.

GUY #1

So I know this kid who sells some AMAZING weed.

GUY #2's eyes widen.

GUY #2

AND...? What's his name?

 

GUY #1

Matt.

 

GUY #2

Oh I know that guy! I didn't think he sold weed... But I'll get some from him anyway.

 

Lee lifts his head up a little bit, interested. He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a $10 bill. He looks back over at the guys sitting next to him, then back.

After school, Lee hurries to the buses. He stops on the sidewalk, looking around. He waits for a little bit, getting nervous. He starts to walk towards the buses slowly but then sucks it up and turns back around. He sighs deeply and then notices Matt walking towards him.

 

LEE

Matt?

 

MATT

Yeah? What's up?

 

LEE

I was, um.... do you sell weed?

 

Matt smiles.

MATT

Yeah. How much do you want?

 

LEE

Well I have $10.

 

MATT

Sounds good.

 

Matt starts walking to his bus and Lee quickly follows.

 

MATT

So I'm guessing this is your first time?

Lee nods.

 

MATT

Cool, cool

 

Lee half-smiles.

 

LEE

Really?

 

MATT

Yeah! And this is good stuff, I think you'll like it.

 

Matt reaches into his pocket and hands Lee a small bag. Lee hands him the $10.

 

MATT

Have fun with that.

 

Matt turns around and starts walking away. He turns around again, remembering something.

 

MATT

Just wondering: how'd you hear about me?

 

Lee doesn't know what to say, but he shakes it off.

LEE

Um... a friend.

 

MATT is satisfied, shrugs and walks away. Lee looks down at the tiny plastic bag in his hands and then remembers that it's illegal and quickly stuffs it in his pocket and gets on his bus.

 _________

 

Author's Note

Alright people, I would LOVE it if you gave me comments and stuff. I know this isn't very much material here, but it's a start. Basically, it's about this badass guy [Lee] who's into bad stuff/habits, and then he meets this chick [Olivia] who flips his world upside-down. He wants to change, but in the process, he loses friends, blah blah blah. Lee is miserable. His life has no spark. Olivia teaches him how to live.

Reviews

[Hannah Monttkomepy]

It is a start, yes, and a good one. You could write it differently on here though.It was kind of confusing to read. Maybe more like a script? I don't know, I'm in plays so i guess that's just what I'm used to.

I think the conversation with Paul and Lee could've gone a little deeper than it did. Just too make it the play more dramatic or have more emotion.

One thing I absolutely love about this screenplay is that right off the bat we don't know much about Lee at all. I just love that! So if you were planning on explaining everything about Lee at one point (soon) I wouldn't. I'd let the readers know different things about him as the story progresses, then maybe devote a chapter/scene towards the end of the play to kind of bring it all together and have it make sense. Maybe if he's thinking about the girl and he doesn't think he's good enough for her that's when you can bring all the bits and pieces together so the readers finally understand him.

Very nicely done!

[Melbell19]

Hey K, you are getting some awesome reviews, as you should. What you wrote is amazing!
I would love it if you could keep me updated on what your writing still so I can help with the main frame and dialogue alittle bit. You doing a great job!

[Milena]

I thinks it's good for a start i'm anticipating the rest of the material.

[Hyori]

This is pretty good, and I like how you just started the scene in the middle of Lee doing something. I loved how you just skipped all the crap that introduces the character, like a monologue or something.

The dialogue seemed a little sparse, but overall, I thought it was great!

[Christopher Kneipp]

Probably wouldn't use this as an opening scene. needs to have a stronger hook. Your dialog is real but a little sparse. You need to put some time into setting the scene. ("Outside " is a bit too generic.)
Hope this helps

[Thomas Pynk]

From what you have posted so far it seems like a good idea for a story and i'm sure it will be.
I cannot wait until you post an update.
With All Due Respect
Thomas Pynk