Chapter One

Chapter One

  "Aliyah...Aliyah wake up!"
 Something nudge my shoulder making me stir slightly from my sleep and turn over with a groan.
 "Five more minutes Dreit..."
I mumbled softly while trying to pull the covers over my head but not finding them as cool air curled around my body.  Knowing I wasn’t going to get any more time to sleep I opened my eyes with a yawn to find not just Driet standing beside my bed but also another figure.  Standing beside my Pixale` was a person I knew all to well, the 'Faythe' of the orphanage I lived in was standing beside Driet with my covers in hand.
 "Aliyah you know why I'm here so get out of bed already and start getting ready for the ceremony"
Yawning again I glanced at Dreit before sitting up right remembering it was my sixteenth birthday, I had been dreading this day for awhile now due to the over stressed ceremony that was planned for me and my departure of Ferentha.  Looking around I saw that most of the other orphans had already left for the day and I wouldn’t see them until the ceremony. 
 'Don't forget to pack everything Aliyah, remember anything you leave behind will stay behind for good."
Meeting the Faythe gaze I sighed, he always got onto me about forgetting things behind or my attitude. To my disbelief though he was smiling, actually smiling, he never smiled around people and here he was smiling at me. My jaw actually dropped some revealing my sharp canines. 
 "Well Happy Sixteenth Aliyah, I will surely miss you."
He handed me a small wrapped box, it was wrapped in an odd looking paper with elfin inscription on the ribbon, after all I was part elf but Faythe was pure unlike me.  Driet fly to my shoulder excitedly, his soft white fur bristled against my face as his leathery wings folded behind him.
 "I'll see you later young one"
When I looked up the Faythe was already gone leaving me alone with Dreit. 
 "Open it Aliyah!" 
Looking at Driet I smiled slightly, Dreit was cute in his own unique was, generally all Pixale`s looked different from each other and in the mortal world had the ability to morph to an Earth creature that represented their child the most. 
 “I will give me a moment Dreit'
Laughing slightly I slid a fingernail under the backside and slide the paper and ribbon from the box. Under the wrapping was a slim black box and a parcel, Dreit flew down and picked it up as it fell to the floor.  He started to reedit aloud to me.
 "Aliyah, this was your mothers, she happened to be a close friend to many of the Elves in her time.  "
 I opened the box to find a pendent on a chain; a black jewel was encrusted into a metal circle where a crescent moon sparkled in crystal wrapping around the jewel.  Dreit continued reading aloud.
'Your mother was named Elizabeth, she was known amongst us Elves as the mother of fire as which has been passed to you.  Elizabeth had meet your father in a gathering, he was of the Wolf people as you know and they fell in love. You are a rare kind Aliyah for not many interrace like your mother and father. I have faith that you will be an important piece in the future of Ferentha and I entrust you the necklace your father had given your mother the night they met."

Dreit looked up to me as I ran a finger over the crystal moon in awe; I would have never known that my mother was so respected amongst elves.  Putting on the necklace I let it hang down hidden by my shirt for now. It would defiantly show tonight at the ceremony. 
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My things were packed and ready to go by noon day, I had dressed my slim figure in a slim black cloth shirt that revealed more of my torso than I normally did and matching cloth pants sheathed my slender legs and tucked into the elk skin boots that came to my knees.  I had tied my white hair into a twist knot that spiked out in the back randomly.  I was ready for the ceremony that took place not too long from now. Dreit flew lazily around me as I sat on the fountains edge in the middle of town gazing mindlessly into the waters reflection. I had changed a lot since I first was brought here, my hair was white unlike most elves here, my tawny green eyes striked the tawny brown ones of the Faythe giving me more of an exotic outcast look than an actual elf. I had my Fathers dark tone skin and my mother’s figure I was told often by those who had known my parents before they had died.  It was rumored amongst the orphanage that my mother was one of the few that had met the Five in the earlier times and I had been destined to be picked even before my birth sixteen years ago.  
 "Look what we have here boys...”
I jumped slightly at the voice behind me; Dreit landed on my shoulder and nestled against my neck with a small growl.  Turning my head I saw the familiar pack leaded by Zae, they had been giving my a hard time since day one of being brought here.
 "What do you want Zae, I can't even enjoy my last day here?"
Standing up I received many whistles from the other pack members including Zae who smirked at me with a laugh.
 "Aliyah, what would give you such an awful idea about us."
He took a step closer to me and his Pixale` flew to Driet and tackled him, I winced slightly almost feeling the pain of the tackle.  Glaring back at Zae I bared my feral teeth at him and growled.
 "Back off Zae"
I had to admit it, I did feel slightly helpless against six other wolves, Dreit had managed to get out form underneath Zae's Pixale` and fly to my shoulder as Zae stood inches from me. 
 "You look beautiful today Aliyah, we are really going to miss you"
I stared back in shock; Zae was never this nice to me ever.
 "What’s the catch?'
I demanded only for Zae to shake his head at me with a laugh and rest a hand on my shoulder with a smile.
 "Nothing Aliyah, just don't screw it up on the other side."
Returning the smile I nodded, Zae had his moments where he was like an annoying brother to me. Hearing the clock tower echo throughout town I stiffened and sighed, it was almost time for me to leave Ferentha. Glancing back up at Zae I hugged him with a laugh.
 "I have to admit, I will miss you all when I leave."
Hesitant at first Zae nodded and held me tightly for a brief second and then released me.  
 "Good luck out there"
With that I darted off to the center of town for my leave, Dreit followed close beside me as we both darted in between and around people in a rush to get to the clock tower. 
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      "You're late Aliyah."
I met Father’s flustered gaze as I slowed my run and took y bags from him.  I only had two small satchels that held my things.  Lucky me.
 'Sorry I lost track of time..."
He cut me off with  a wave of his hand and ushered me to the crowd, the ripple to Earth was ready inside the cirlcular stone that was outlined in symbols. 
 "now everything you need is in your satchle and this is your directions"
He handed me a parcel tied in string.
 "When you get there be sure to go straight to the adress on the parcel, humans have their homes labled for easy finding Aliyah so it shouldnt be so hard."
We had reached the portal now and everyone was cheering me on in happiness. I felt my stomach clench and flip a few times, I took a glance at the Faythe..
 "When will I be able to come back?'
it was the most important question trhat burned my mind, I didnt like the look on his face when I had asked.
 "Not for a long time Aliyah."
My heart dropped as he pushed me forward to the Ripple, a cheer roared behind me as I lost my footing and fel backwards into the Ripple, Driet cried out my name in an effort to follow me. We dissapered into the Ripple with a bright light erupting from us and exploded outward..

Reviews

[Rainbow Rider]

Hi again. Please don't think I'm picking on you here, but I find this story to be interesting but am still being confused. Do you keep a book of notes when you write? I mean do you write down a summary of the characters and the worlds they will be in before you write? I ask because I am again confused. I sort of thought that Aliyah was a pixal from the intro page. And I got the idea that one could only travel thru the ripples with a pixal, yet here you have Aliyah's pixal not being able to go with?


"the ripple to Earth was ready inside the cirlcular stone that was outlined in symbols. " Would love to read a discriptive account of this.

You are confusing the reader again by not paying attention to detail. The following to exerpts have your character both sitting in the middle of town and then leaving to rush to the center of town. Middle, center=same place. This is where side notes help, so you don't make minor errors in detail, which will confuse the reader.

"Dreit flew lazily around me as I sat on the fountains edge in the middle of town gazing mindlessly into the waters "
"With that I darted off to the center of town for my leave,"

Also you have quite a few spelling or wrong usage of words in here. You say "leaded', instead of just lead, and you duplicate the same word in sentences, "Darted" try using a different word for one of them.

With that I darted off to the center of town for my leave, Dreit followed close beside me as we both darted in between and around people in a rush to get to the clock tower.

Again, I really like the premise of the story, I am just having a hard time trying to follow it with the errors in it. A little more attention to detail and I think you will have an awesome read here. Feel free to message me if you want.

[Aliyah Song]

Oh thanks! Lol I know there are quite a few spelling and grammer issues but ive been working my butt off on spell check...You wouldnt imagine the errors in have due to my speed typing lol, second chapter should be up ASAP!

Your fellow writer
~Aliyah Song

[Not Here]

Ooh sounds interesting so far.

I like how you don't reveal too much in the story to keep the reader (like me) curious to read more. I found a few spelling mistakes, too. Somehow that's always one of the first things I notice. That and grammar, but your grammar is accurate and understandable. Can't wait to see where the story will go!