I will never be a wife.

There's nothing more exhausting, my mother used to cry,

Than a girl who can't love or a girl who can't lie

There's nothing more frustrating, my mother used to moan,

Than a woman in her 40s living all on her own 

Very few things, my mother used to say, made me want to be like her someday

My mother wasn't big, nor brash, nor bold 

'You silly b***h, do what you're told!' 

My father would scream, she was under his thumb

'Don't come out that kitchen till the dinner is done!'

My sister was afraid he'd go crazy someday, wrap his hands round her throat

and kill her that way 

She was scared he would lose it on a quiet Friday night,

When the vegetables were raw, 

Or the steak wasn't right,

My mother would wash, iron and clean

She'd cry in her room when our father was mean

This is nothing my darlings, run along like you should 

Your father is stressed but your father is good

Go and play in the garden,tidy up all your things,

Do not mourn the future and the lessons it brings 

We listened to mother and ignored all her pain, 

We shut out the beatings again and again

My sister married off seven years after that 

To a wealthy Scottish aristocrat,

She comes home every few weeks, 

Her belly is growing,

She hides all her bruises but she cant help them showing 

I can't forgive my mother for the lessons she taught,

the normality of ignoring the anguish he brought

I feel pain for my sister, I can foresee her life

I will be alone at 40,

I will never be a wife. 

Reviews

[Everett DeValle]

Such a deep, Deep, poem...heart felt and heart wrenching...it's just a relatable write, to me...my fear of commitment due to an overbearing mom that I don't like talking about...but what she put my Dad through wasn't what I envisioned, as well, in a marriage. I believe variety is the spice of life, even when Cupid may have a pistol to my head. :)

Lovely and emotive write. Kudos.

[Iliana Peters]

ah thankyou! Glad you can relate and enjoyed it. :)

[Everett DeValle]

You are quite welcome, Iliana. Pretty name btw. Take care. ~Ev

[Casper Cross]

This is very sad, very depressing, and very beautiful at the same time. I those who are able to write good poetry, I never could. There is a Emily Dickson quality to this, maybe not as polished in spots as you probably want it, I am sure but this is a great piece of work and thank you for sharing it.

[||||]

Brave and deep statements, I admire your strength

[Penny]

Trust me it is a sorrowful tale not only of your mother in the poem but about million women in India and nany more in even underdeveloped nations. My mother had seen these things too, not truly heroic but she has fought and won over in some of her similar battles. If it is really your mother's story (which I pray to god isn't) she has been far too weak and wrong in my opinion to raise her voice even once. You too should look at your future optimistically and think of marrying someone who loves you and will also free your mother from this hell. The poem is just amazing, and I love the use of enjambment in it. Very thought provoking piece.

[J. K. Beach]

Iliana--

What a sadly powerful tale you weave! That the tale must be told at all is a tragedy, but silence only allows these scenes to multiply in the dark so--well spoken!

I do agree with another commentator that the long lines could be made into two lines. It's just a little thing. I think in every case you already have a couplet already formed. The shorter lines, especially with the iambic pentameter verse you have set up might present the story better. Either way, it is usually better to have either long lines or short lines, but not both.

Another strategy you might want to look at would be to break up the first part, especially after breaking up the long lines (if you choose to do so) into smaller pieces, like you did at the end beginning w/ "My sister... " --either after the same number of lines, or after important points, not really worrying about an exact number of lines. This can emphasize important ideas and give the reader a chance to take a breath since the iambic stress flows so quickly all by itself.

None of this really affects the content of your piece, just cleans it up a bit.

On content, I would only say that you interject the narrator's feelings only at the end. I wondered, every time I read the poem, how she felt while all this was going on--when she was younger. That's a bigger edit, but one that might be worth exploring, if not in this poem, then another.

Finally, the narrator of your poem seems to have lost hope, but that doesn't mean that you have to. Good guys are out there, not all prince charming, but good, and good for you, nonetheless.

Thanks for sharing this powerful piece. Excellent job!

JKB

[Glen Yumang Manese]

The induction of this piece keeps the reader in the lines...
the meaning is quite stunning...
I see some of your lines are long:

'There's nothing more exhausting' my mother used to cry, 'than a girl who can't love or a girl who can't lie'
'There's nothing more frustrating' my mother used to moan, 'than a woman in her 40s living all on her own'
Very few things, my mother used to say that would make me think 'I want to be just like her someday'

---

'There's nothing more exhausting' my mother used to cry,
'than a girl who can't love or a girl who can't lie'
'There's nothing more frustrating' my mother used to moan,
'than a woman in her 40's living all on her own'
Very few things, my mother used to say;
that would make me think 'I want to be just like her someday'

---

there is a couple more --- but just wanted to point out...
by dropping them down would give a momentary pause ---
and as with your title...putting it in the start and finish would accent this a bit...
you wrote a strong and eye-opening read here...

[Iliana Peters]

thanks for this review! :) very helpful, I will definitely take these points into consideration

[Glen Yumang Manese]

you're welcome...

[h d e rushin]

tonight I am embracing all brave poetry. And by brave I mean the ones you bring along
to adulthood. Brave poems saturate you. Permeate you. Sometimes they even magnetize
you. I love the lesson here. The lesson is to be a savage and not under any human control.

beautifully expressed.
dana

[Iliana Peters]

why thankyou!

[King Author]

strong and each sentences imagery is filled with sorrow and emotion ....passion....great piece ..

[Iliana Peters]

thanks a lot :)

[Shirlena]

Serious but true for many. I have never seen the abuse of women that I see now, lately even with 15 year old girls and 15 year old boys dating there is this abuse. Why put yourself through grown up issues so young I ask; Because they either think they know something no one else does are it's learned behavior, like you said in the poem. Quite sobering to hear it again from someone elses experience. Poignant write.

[Iliana Peters]

thank you!

[AprilRN1210]

Powerful, moving write.. I have to say I relate to this poem on so many levels, I won't go into detail, but will say that you touched me with your words.. I do have to say in spots the flow is off and some of the rhymes do feel "forced" but overall it is nice. It is raw, honest, and intense. good job!

[Iliana Peters]

thank you that means a lot!

[AprilRN1210]

You're quite welcome.

[brian mclaughlin]

terrible lessons learned young poison for a lifetime. there are many good men out there. i'm sorry that your mother and sister found a couple of the bad. i'm sorry that you have been fed poison.