A/Muse Me/You

could be broken into shorter lines, but I am not doing it

sharp metaphors shower down silver bullet stilettos
click click clicking on polished concrete tablets, wet
alive revived new ways of blood-letting it all go, baby can you hear it?
I can hear rats tat tat on window pains cold forged barbs aimed
at steely-hearted souls and hard-hearted heels who are our muses
courted, vied for like '(my) first draft (is finished, baby) players'
well known for skills honed in fields strewn with fine minds
that just need a poke to explode heart for art's sake

tough oft rough traded woo pitching muses wanted to keep full
acid-tongue tipped styluses, etching more muse infused, scripted venom

we demand all their waking / sleeping sensations to be directed at us
for the hours we need to begin breathing on our own again.
they are a fix, a tool, night school refresher course- not obsessions
we know where they begin and we control their ends- grains of sand
in our heads, sometimes beds hoping for cultured pearls not just stains
mental quickies desiring to inspire should read the caveat lector line before they sign
there are no guarantees of kindness of any kind just a merry go-go around
of peeling back facades, blaring reflections of each other, virtually
all over, the closer the better, pages soaked with money shots don't reveal the players
so they are reusable like stock images to which we all own the rights

muse, amused or abused with no promises of privacy just emotional piracy
high jacked for high times then be set free willingly with no regrets
just on to the next emotional wrecking party

your tableau is waiting

Reviews

[JR]

Ilene, there's a huge difference, I think, between the poem that is born on the page, then refined to be spoken, and the poem that is born on the lips, then written down. This is of the latter category, and is just amazing. Oh, the ANGER, the rage! You have such a great sense of sound, "click click clicking," "rats tat tat," these descriptions hum and pop, they draw the reader in and echo in their heads, working backwards to the ear. So nicely done, and such an art.

As far as the intro lines go, they are very effective, especially with images like, "silver bullet stilettos," and, "current new ways of blood-letting," this all comes through the screen so clearly... and your reader takes notice.

I have nothing to suggest to improve this, Ilene, it comes at the reader fast and hard, and you don't need to be speaking for your voice to translate. It reads well the first time, so much the rant, and gives off more and more depth with each subsequent reading (I read it four times before the review, and will read it, uh, probably forty more times before I'm done). That's the Gift right there, in a nutshell...

[Carlos Isaias Ruiz]

well, at least its consistent throughout

[Samson J. Krupnik]

did i ever tell you you box like a writer?

[Samson J. Krupnik]

so they are reusable like stock images to which we all own the rights

it's great except for that line. The phonetics sound stock.

Rock n roll though

[Vincent Maltese]

good poem i like how its from a single ppersons thoughts as if they were narrorating what passed through their mind.

[Ismael Rodriguez Jr.]

I love the way you play with words in this piece. It's like walking down a path with lots of twists and turns. Whenever you take a new turn there's something wonderful to look at.

[[[ D ]]]

i just noticed there are NO periods - yes!

[[[ D ]]]

even though this is meant to feel sporatic, i would liked to see a TAD bit more structure. eh not so much structure, but more like punctuation. thats just me - not saying i would like it more if it were like that. this is amazing, honestly.

'sharp metaphors shower down silver bullet stilettos
click click clicking on polished concrete tablets"

what a great effin opening, best ive read in a while

[wiccaceltica]

Sucked dry by a writer. Strikes a chord.
Excellent job.

[Pessoa]

The words of this poem are delightful to the ear when thinking them aloud. To the eye it is somewhat painful to follow. Consider line breaks for ease of reading. I sense the fluidity of the words comes in these elegant rants. Yet for the calmer reader and the less familiar it would be kinder to the eyes to read in smaller sectionals.

Example:

High jacked fo rhigh times
then be set free willingly
with no regrets
just onto the next
emotional wrecking party

Thank you for the aMUSing read.

[Misanthropic]

wow
i can't say what hasn't been said yet
amazing
simply perfect
so much to take in
i've read it several times and it keeps getting better
the word play
the deep dark fascade
you are truley talented
unbelievalbe peice